98% of The Road consists of the two main characters, a father and son who never get names, avoiding gangs of cannibals and scrounging for food.  Great book, but I realize that makes for kind of a boring downer of a movie trailer.  Solution?  Just slap some triumphant background music over it (starts at the 1:25 mark).  Man, that worked perfectly.  All Viggo did was eat some food and watch a town burn, but I felt all proud, like I was watching Sandra Bullock teach a black kid to play football or something.

Robert Duvall has been cast alongside Vince Vaughn and Reese Witherspoon in Four Christmases.  A movie in which “a couple struggle[s] to visit all four of their divorced parents on Christmas Day.”

That’s right, Vince Vaughn is doing another Christmas movie.  Hey, I like Vince Vaughn.  He’s got that Bill Murray quality going for him where he can even look good in a crappy movie, like Made or The Break Up.  But dude, Christmas movies?  Has there ever been a good Christmas movie?  Nothing can make elf ninjas work.  Especially not campy elf slapstick (okay, hyperealistic elf gore might work).  Doing Christmas movies is like starring opposite a monkey, or someone from Blue Collar Comedy.

Ask yourself this, Vaughn: do you want to become Tim Allen?  Even my neighbor Phil the dyslexic burn victim* would kill himself if he woke up as Tim Allen.

*Who has a terrible sense of humor, btw.  Seriously man, get over yourself. 

According to this trailer I just watched, We Own the Night stars Marky Mark and Joaquin Phoenix as brothers – on opposite sides of the law!

In a related story, I once killed a man with my bear hands.  That's right, BEAR HANDS.