I’m not usually in the habit of featuring single-serving Tumblrs (translation: please don’t send me yours, unless it’s really, really good), simply because there are so many great ones. Moustair, Manbabies, SelleckWaterfallSandwich… the list goes on and on, truly. But not since Asians Doing Christopher Walken Impressions has there been such an enjoyable repository of uber-specific celebrity worship. Internet, meet DeniroFacebook, a place to find all the best and worst versions of a specific facial expression associated with Robert Deniro. It’s a wonderful time to be alive.

BONUS: Here’s Andy Serkis’s Deniro face!

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It’s always nice to see Robert DeNiro when he’s not starring alongside Katherine Heigl or getting stabbed in the penis (for laughs!), and by that measure, Being Flynn is already a success. Based on a memoir by Nick Flynn (which I didn’t read, but saw Flynn read an excerpt of once and it was excellent), it stars Paul Dano as Flynn, a 20-something dude who crosses paths with his estranged father while working at a homeless shelter. It’s a shame they couldn’t use the original title of the memoir, Another Bullshit Night in Suck City, because that’s about as good a title as you’re going to get without bringing in jetpacks or velociraptors.

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A lot of people say Robert DeNiro outlived his integrity and started making crappy paycheck movies a few years ago, but I bet those haters will change their tune once they hear that he’s teaming up with John Travolta and the director of Ghost Rider and Daredevil to do a film written by the guy who did Snow White and the Huntsman, that movie where Kristen Stewart plays a version of Snow White who wears armor and sword fights people. I don’t want to get ahead of ourselves, but this sounds like it has the potential to be the next Raging Bull, or Heat.

Millennium Films, Corsan Pictures and FilmEngine will begin production January 16 on “Killing Season,” starring Robert De Niro and John Travolta. Mark Steven Johnson (“Ghost Rider,” “Daredevil”) will direct from a script by Evan Daugherty (“Snow White and the Huntsman”).
“Killing Season” is an action movie set in the Appalachian Mountains about an American military veteran (De Niro) who has retreated to a remote cabin in the woods. When a rare visitor, a European tourist (Travolta), appears on the scene, the two men strike up an unlikely friendship. But in fact the visitor is a former Serbian soldier bent on revenge. What follows is a tense, action packed battle across some of America’s most forbidding landscape that proves the old adage: the purest form of war is one-on-one. [Deadline]

They also say “Juan on Juan” is the purest form of Mexican basketball. My father taught me that. Anyway, a military veteran, a remote cabin in the woods, an old enemy bent on revenge… is it just me, or does this sound a lot like a Seagal movie plot? Just change the title to “Season for Killing,” and have Seagal play Colonel Frank Season.

Haven't the Pittsburgh Pirates suffered enough?

In Wide Release This Weekend: Abduction, Moneyball, Killer Elite, Dolphin Tale

This weekend actually has a little something for everyone, so chances are if you’re in the mood for a movie, then you’ll find something you like. Unless you’re a soccer-loving, socialist thalassophobe, in which case you’re SOL. Go rent Bridesmaids or something. Me, I’ll be at Pearl Jam 20 pretending like I’m a teen again.

Abduction

Rotten Tomatoes Score: 0%

Gratuitous Review Quotes:

“This laughable yarn is intended simply as a vehicle to draw teen audiences eager to feast their eyes upon Twilight heartthrob Taylor Lautner. And, yes girls, he does take off his shirt and expose his muscled physique rather quickly into the proceedings.” – Claudia Puig, USA Today

“But Abduction is as uninterested in psychological unease as it is in innovative action, and simply shuffles together explosions, bloodless fight scenes and incongruous romantic interludes with little regard for orchestrating tension.” – Andrew Barker, Variety

Armchair Analysis: A few weeks ago, Vince asked me on the Frotcast what my top awkward movie laugh moment was, and I know that if I saw this movie in the theater, it would be when Lautner says, “Not if I find you first.” I laugh hysterically every time the commercial airs. This movie could be the funniest of the year.

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Clive Owen with a mustache! Robert Deniro with a beard!  Jason Statham with a chair! It’s the new trailer for Killer Elite, which ponders the question, “What would an action movie starring Clive Owen, Bob Deniro, and The Stath look like?” The answer, it seems, is “Like every other Statham movie.”  Specifically, punching, ‘splosions, and Jason Statham beating up Clive Owen with a chair while he’s still sitting on it.  For additional commentary, we go to FilmDrunk Special Correspondent, The Stath.

Roighto, conts.  Wew dis is Da Stafe’s new movie, now isn’ it.  If oy moight be so bowde as ta ask, wha’ else da you fink da puntahs moight loike ta know?  Da plot? Wew it ain’t exactly Merchant an’ Focken Oivory now is it, Tommy? Some conts ‘as gone an’ pissed off da Stafe, an now da Stafe ‘as to give ‘em a propah thrashin, now don’ Oy. A course, there’s also a few fit birds ta knob, cheeky conts ta wink at, an fockin foiry fings ta smash inta ovva foiry fings until dey fockin explode, now don’t dey?  Da knobbin’ birds paht is moy favrit paht, a course. Knobbin’ birds ‘elps give da Stafe strenff for delivrin’ thrashins’.  What was it loike ta work wiv Cloive Owen, you ask?  Wew dat’s a clevvah focken question, innit, Tommy?  Oy’s nevah fought about dat befoah today, now ‘as Oy?  Goal fockin stah for you, go to da ‘ead ov da clahss.  Oy’d say it was a rewarding focken experience, as Da Stafe ‘as always wondered wot it’d be loike to thrash a porn stah ta deaff wiv ‘is own leavvah jacket, now ‘asn’t Oy.  So dat wiz a dream come focken true, wasn’ it.  Roight, so den dis ovva, oldah cont in a beahd showed up, ‘e wiz meant ta play Da Stafe’s favah or somefin loike dat, an’ da puntahs wiz loike, ‘Oi, Stafe, don’ you recognoize dis bloke?’  An Oy wiz loike, Oi, ‘e looks familiah, but it don’ ring a fockin’ bew, now does it. Da Stafe loikes movies, but oy ain’ exactly Quen’in focken Tahrintino, now is Oy.

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