(“…what I do have is a particular set of skills.  I will find Jew, and I will kill Jew.”)

That’s right, ya fackin’ losahs, it’s time fer anothah fackin’ Bawston cawp movie. This the first trailer for Edge of Darkness, from Casino Royale director Martin Campbell, written by William Monahan (The Depahted) and Andrew Bovell.  Based on a BBC television series from 1985, it stars Mel Gibson and Ray Winstone, who took over for Robert DeNiro, who left during the shooting because of “creative differences.”

As homicide detective Thomas Craven investigates the death of his activist daughter, he uncovers not only her secret life, but a corporate cover-up and government collusion that attracts an agent [Winstone] tasked with cleaning up the evidence.

Read the rest of this entry »

Take this with a grain of salt or whatever food will keep you from being humiliated for believing untruths, but BloodyDisgusting claims a reliable source tells them that Robert Rodriguez’ Machete (which began as a fake trailer in Grindhouse – video after the jump) will star: Michelle Rodriguez (of course), Robert De Niro (wha?), and Jonah Hill (*spit take*).  ThePlaylist also reports that Steven Seagal will make an appearance.  They say none are signed, but all are “in talks.”

Machete (Trejo) is a Mexican ex-Federale with a gift for wielding a blade, who hides out as a day laborer, who is double-crossed by a corrupt state senator (De Niro).

-DANNY TREJO is returning as “Machete”
-MICHELLE RODRIGUEZ (“Lost”, Fast & Furious, Avatar) is said to be playing “Luz”.
-JONAH HILL will play “Julio”.
-Lastly, a legend of our time, ROBERT DE NIRO, will take on the role of “Senator McLaughlin”. [possible dialog: "That's right, senator. Who's Mclaughing now?"] [via Bloody-Disgusting]

I had to check if Jonah Hill’s character would be Julio as in “Hoo-lio,” or Julio as in “Jew-lio” — to which he seems better suited. ThePlaylist confirms that he would indeed be playing a Cholo.  (Do jour taxes?  Chale, homes, I’m too sleepy.)  Either way, if any of this actually goes down, Machete will be the most crazily cast movie since The Expendables.  In fact, he should call it “The Mexpendables.”  Wow, let’s see how much more racism I can cram into this post.  Hey, did you guys know all Indians are drunks?  Hurr, look at me, I own a casino. *glug glug glug*

Read the rest of this entry »

The upside of Al Pacino and Robert DeNiro doing a really crappy movie like Righteous Kill (sample review quote: “Righteous Kill is so average that the standard bell curve can’t calculate just how general it is.” -Popmatters) is that they have to work their asses off to promote it.  Here they are presenting the top ten list on Letterman, “The Top Ten Reasons I Like Being An Actor”.  I won’t ruin it, but a couple highlights:

9.  Every time I go to work, I get to ask myself, “I wonder if I’ll see Harvey Keitel naked?”
7.  If you do a scene where you eat pudding, they often let you keep the pudding.

See?  Every turd has a silver lining.  (leaning over to whisper in your ear) I eat nickles.

Read the rest of this entry »

Not many people saw the trailer for What Just Happened the first time I posted it because the studio took it down about five minutes later.  But today it’s back, so here it is again.  Get excited.

Anyway, the story is that Hollywood producer Art Linson wrote a tell-all sort of memoir in which he named names of actors and talked about the problems with specific movies – kind of the way Allan Weisbecker did in some of the excerpts I published here.  So then they made a movie out of the book, only they switched around the stars (Bruce Willis plays himself in the movie, but the scene is based on something Alec Baldwin did on The Edge), and made most of it fictional.

It’s like if WWTDD reported the gossip news like normal, but changed all the celebrity names to imaginary people. Call it a gentle-hitting exposé, or a gumming satire.