"Hey, remember when we were both in Hugo, one of 2011's Best Picture Oscar nominees?"

After last week’s amazing selection of  quality cinema on DVD, this week was bound to feel like a bit of a let-down, but really, it’s not all that bad.  There’s The Dictator, which was practically scientifically engineered for all of your ‘I’ll wait for the DVD’ needs.  There’s also a Jack Black flick you probably missed as well as new flicks from Robert De Niro, Jennifer Connelly, and Dolph Lundgren.  There’s a whole bunch of sincere indie dramas, an Oscar winning film, an elevator-based thriller, and a documentary about people who probably have sex less often than you do. Now that’s saying something. There’s even a zombie a-hole.

The DVDs:
The Dictator
Bernie
Freelancers
One In The Chamber
Virginia
Home Run Showdown
Let Go
A Separation
Hide Away
California Indian
Elevator
Ecstasy Of Order: The Tetris Masters
Shuffle
Children Of The Hunt
A Day Of Violence
Zombie A-Hole

Can’t remember which one of those won an Oscar?  Can’t guess which one is set on an elevator? Really?  You can’t figure that one out?  Christ, you can be dense sometimes.  Lucky for you I break it all down beginning on the next page. There’s even an open letter to Robert De Niro along with the usual Netflix streaming suggestions. You can skip to it right now by clicking here, but that’s kind of cheating unless you’re the real Robert De Niro, in which case, “Hi!” Read the rest of this entry »

It’s like a darker version of Who Framed Roger Rabbit? [via HYST]

MORNING LINKS
This Week in Posters and Stills: Apatow characters be poopin’, Madea gets Levy |Film Drunk|

Jon Hamm Answers Questions From Teenage Girls, Continues To Be Good At Everything |UPROXX|

ROFLMNBAO: A Tribute To The Many Faces Of Tyler Hansbrough |With Leather|

10 Songs Celebrating May, National Masturbation Month |Smoking Section|

Michael Bay’s Transformers Summarized In One Minute Of Brilliance |Gamma Squad|

Picture via

Ron Swanson Should Be a Judge on ‘The Voice’ |Warming Glow|

Sofia Vergara is Single |TheSuperficial|

21 Ways To Hide Your Booze And Drugs |Buzzfeed|

Could Humans Hibernate? |Mentalfloss|

A Guide to Lunchtime Social Groups, Through Life |College Humor|

Rejected Fox Headlines For Obama Backing Gay Marriage |HuffPost Comedy|

Cover of Super Mario Bros. 3 Soundtrack |TheDailyWhat|

In the “I knew it all along” department, that “revenge-filled dentist pulled out ex-boyfriend’s teeth” article was a hoax |Fark|

FilmDrunk Favorite Chet Haze Breaks His Legendary Silence On The Subject Of Bullying |Videogum|

The First 5 Women I’d Audition to Play A Female, Serial-Killing Version of “Dexter” |Pajiba|

Who is the Hot Girl in Motorola’s Droid RAZR Maxx Commercial? |Guy Speed|

Five Games that Are More Fun to Watch than Play |Unreality|

Film Moms That Are Worse Than That New Jersey Tanning Mom |ScreenJunkies|

Tenacious D Recruits Danny McBride As a Roadie |Brobible|

101 Reasons To Be Abstinent |NextRound|

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Yesterday at a fundraiser with Michelle Obama present, Robert De Niro made the comment, “Callista Gingrich. Karen Santorum. Ann Romney. Now do you really think our country is ready for a white first lady?” Because haha, get it? We’ve never had a black first lady before (Sally Hemmings notwithstanding). It’s funny because opposite day! We’ve already had more than 40 white first ladies! Nonetheless, Newt Gingrich seized on the opportunity to blast De Niro, calling his introduction “inexusable” and demanding that President Obama apologize for some reason, because Obama can apparently control celebrities from afar like Xenu. In a sane world, Gingrich would’ve been laughed out of the race for his transparent attempt to generate publicity off the back of a deliberate misunderstanding of a joke even a child could understand, but because the democrats are spineless pussies, determined to make even the choice between them and a human root vegetable like Gingrich a difficult one, Michelle Obama’s press secretary Olivia Adair even weighed in, calling De Niro’s comments “inappropriate.” SORRY YOUR FOOD WASN’T HOTTER, TROLLS! SINCERELY, OLIVIA ADAIR.

If De Niro had any balls, he’d ask them to return the money he raised at the benefit and demand Adair’s firing. Instead, he’s apologizing.

“My remarks, although spoken with satirical jest, were not meant to offend or embarrass anyone — especially the first lady,” De Niro said in a statement.

So congratulations, Robert De Niro and Olivia Adair, for helping make the world safe for fake outrage. I guess it was too much to ask for De Niro to call an apology press conference, take the podium in a freshly shaved mohawk, and tell the assembled reporters, “All the animals come out for election year – whores, punks, pussies, closet fairies, junkies, publicists. Someday a real rain will come and wash this scum off the streets.”

Next time, ask Pacino to host. This is how I imagine his introduction of the first lady going:

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Retard Pig crashes the party

Robert De Niro is in big trouble today for some provocative and inflammatory language he used the other day at OH GOD I CAN’T DO IT, THIS IS THE DUMBEST NON-CONTROVERSY OF ALL TIME SOMEONE MAKE IT STOP

Robert De Niro, who along with his wife, Grace Hightower (above right), hosted first lady Michelle Obama for a fund-raiser at their Manhattan eatery on Monday evening.
In introductions to the first lady before she addressed the crowd of about 85 people, De Niro quipped, “Callista Gingrich. Karen Santorum. Ann Romney. Now do you really think our country is ready for a white first lady?” According to a pool report from the evening, the line drew a roar of laughs, and De Niro added, “Too soon, right?”

Too soon for what? A Leno monolog? That shit’s so tame Trump’s kid tried to shoot it.

The joke, coming from a figure who’s normally reticent in media interviews, drew a sharp rebuke from Newt Gingrich, who has staked part of his campaign on railing against media and Washington elites. He charged that De Niro’s remark was divisive and called on President Obama to apologize.

(*puts gun in mouth*)

“What De Niro said last night was inexcusable, and the president should apologize for him. It was at an Obama fund-raiser. It is exactly wrong; it divides the country,” Gingrich said, according to CNN.
“De Niro is rich enough he probably doesn’t notice the price of gasoline,” Gingrich said, per CNN. “He’s successful enough he probably doesn’t notice the unemployment rate. As the Hollywood actor, he might well be shortsighted enough he doesn’t understand what it might do to our children and our grandchildren.” [Variety]

(*cocks pistol*)

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(“…what I do have is a particular set of skills.  I will find Jew, and I will kill Jew.”)

That’s right, ya fackin’ losahs, it’s time fer anothah fackin’ Bawston cawp movie. This the first trailer for Edge of Darkness, from Casino Royale director Martin Campbell, written by William Monahan (The Depahted) and Andrew Bovell.  Based on a BBC television series from 1985, it stars Mel Gibson and Ray Winstone, who took over for Robert DeNiro, who left during the shooting because of “creative differences.”

As homicide detective Thomas Craven investigates the death of his activist daughter, he uncovers not only her secret life, but a corporate cover-up and government collusion that attracts an agent [Winstone] tasked with cleaning up the evidence.

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