(”I’ve been working on my tough-guy look in the mirror at Hot Topic”)
Dimension has hired Rob Zombie to direct a remake of The Blob, and why not? A monkey with d’cks for hands could direct a horror remake. (Plus, it’d probably be good in bed - Rawr.)
Zombie’s deal to make “The Blob” his next film comes as Dimension opens “Halloween II,” the Zombie-directed sequel to his 2007 hit “Halloween.”
In the original “Blob,” an object from space crashes into a field, containing a red blob-like substance that absorbs the humans it contacts and grows exponentially. While Zombie was a fan of the original, he’s formulated a decidedly different take that he would not reveal.
“My intention is not to have a big red blobby thing — that’s the first thing I want to change,” Zombie said. “That gigantic Jello-looking thing might have been scary to audiences in the 1950s, but people would laugh now.” [See also: your clothes. -Ed]
“I’d been looking to break out of the horror genre, and this really is a science fiction movie about a thing from outer space,” Zombie said. “I intend to make it scary, and the great thing is I have the freedom once again to take it in any crazy direction I want to.” [Variety]
Horror films are cheap to make, always earn money for some reason, and are the easiest thing in the world to write, so I understand why these things get greenlit. The only thing that keeps me going is hearing the people who don’t really believe in the product having to put a positive spin on it in interviews, and then end up saying ridiculous sh’t like “I wanted to stop making horror films so I decided to direct The Blob.” Ha, good one, Rob, I wanted to write that down but I was too busy pantomiming this blow job.
Jay Maynard, aka Tron Man, who’s a computer consultant (shocking, I know), has been forced to sell his private plane on eBay due to the tightening economy. I can’t believe this guy used to own his own plane. He must’ve had to beat the pussy off with a lightsabre. |Wired|
Universal bought the rights to Larry Doyle’s novel outline for a novel Go Mutants!, “a teen comedy/adventure set in a high school where all of the tropes from classic 1950s alien invasion movies came true. Years later, the children of those mutant creatures have assimilated among the other kids.” Hopefully it’s as good as the film adaptation of Doyle’s other novel, I Love You, Beth Cooper, which is perhaps most generously described as a cinematic skid mark. |Variety|
Cher is set to play Christina Aguilera’s mentor in Burlesque, a film about “an ambitious small-town Iowa girl with a big voice who comes of age in a neo-burlesque club on Sunset Boulevard.” So these burlesque places actually exist? Are they like strip clubs for gay guys? Drag shows with girls? Anyway, I liked this when it was called Coyote Ugly. Wait, no I didn’t. |Variety|
Kevin Lima has been hired to direct Frank, a modern retelling of Frankenstein, centering on “a teenage prodigy who’s on the cutting edge of cell research in medical school. After several unsuccessful attempts at socializing with her peers, she decides to use her scientific prowess and piece together a friend out of the med school’s instructional cadavers.” Fingers crossed Mickey Rourke plays Frank, who’s always trying to get her to have a beer and pet his dogs. |Empire|
Apathy Rabbit surveys the new H2 concept art
BloodyDisgusting has the announcement along with some teaser art for H2, Rob Zombie’s creatively titled sequel to his 2007 remake of Halloween. That’s right, a sequel to a remake. I plan on taking a picture of myself, photocopying it, and faxing it to the theater in lieu of actual attendance.
Here are some links to stories I didn’t feel like covering today. I also didn’t feel like wearing pants. Suck it, society.
SlashFilm has some more information about that Keanu Reeves chef movie. Meanwhile, I continue to not care about this project beyond this picture. [SlashFilm]
Robert Downey Jr. accidentally knocked unconscious while filming Sherlock Holmes. He’d have probably kicked the guy’s ass if he’d been in blackface. [E!]
Shia LaBeouf to star in The Associate, a John Grisham adaptation. What can I say, the kid really has a knack for choosing the most boring projects imaginable. [Variety]
Peter Farrelly putting together a collection comedic shorts from directors such as Todd Phillips, Mike Judge, and uh, Brett Ratner. I’ve found the best way to get good comedy out of Ratner is to tell him he’s making a drama. [THR]
A gallery of redneck cars. It’s so hard to choose a favorite. The ‘Stang with smokestacks kicks ass, but it’s no Beamer with wooden ground effects. [HolyTaco]
Scott Frank is making a movie about chimps that may or may not be a remake of Conquest of Planet of the Apes. Meanwhile, Conquest of Planet of the Apes is still a great name for the next Larry the Cable Guy album. [CHUD]
Not much is known about Rob Zombie’s Tyrranosaurus Rex, other than that it’s about "a wrestler on the run from a biker gang from hell", and that the Alex-Horley-drawn concept art is pretty badass.
At first I was a little freaked out by the size of Grizzly Adams’ man boobs, but it won me over with the tagline: "FUCK THE WORLD". Subtle but effective, I think.
