If you’re new here, there’s this game we like to play on FilmDrunk where we take a film we’re probably not going to see and try to recreate the plot using only quotes from other peoples’ reviews (expository only, no analysis!).  It tends to work better with the more silly-plot heavy films, but this week we don’t have that luxury, we have Adam Sandler farting while Kevin James’ pants fall down, a hurpity-durpity ding dong.  Will it be as fun as hearing how Miley Cyrus saved the sea turtles and learned to love the piano?  Probably not, but let’s try anyway.

We meet “the guys” as kids — 12 year olds winning a basketball championship. Their beloved “Coach Buzzer” lectures them afterward to make sure they “leave it all on the court” in life, too. Don’t let yourself have regrets later.  -Orlando Sentinel

The setup for the story: Their beloved old coach has died. To mourn him they return to the lakeside cabin where they celebrated their victory all those years ago. – Roger Ebert

….in “NEW ENGLAND,” as the establishing title card reads. -Chicago Tribune

Wouldn’t you know, the five kids on the team they beat are at the same lake for the same weekend. -Ebert

Lenny (Sandler) is now a big Hollywood agent who’s married to a fashion designer (Salma Hayek Pinault) with whom he has obnoxious, spoiled kids. -AP

(he insists that the nanny be referred to as an exchange student). -AZ Central

Eric (James) is also married with kids; his wife (Maria Bello) still breast-feeds their 4-year-old son. -AP

The sensitive-since-childhood Kurt (Rock) is a Rachel Ray fanatic stay-at-home dad utterly emasculated by his wife (Maya Rudolph) and her obese, “I got BUNIONS!” mom -Orlando Sentinel

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This new trailer for Grown Ups played before my Kick-Ass screening last night (review to come).  Starring Adam Sandler, Rob Schneider, David Spade, Chris Rock, and Kevin James, from the visionary director of I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry and You Don’t Mess with the Zohan, it’s about a group of guys who were friends when they were kids who reunite 30 years later for a July 4th weekend with their families.  They try to show the youngins how to have real fun like they used to, but Kevin James is fat now so his pants fall down a lot and sometimes people fart.

This is the trailer for Grown Ups, from Dennis Dugan, who previously directed You Don’t Mess With the Zohan, I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry, The Benchwamers, and National Security.  It stars both Rob Schneider and Kevin James, because God hates me.

I know 1993′s Surf Ninjas might be a bit of a stretch in terms of the ‘forgotten’ part of forgotten classics, since I do hear people bring it up from time to time, but the trailer is still useful as an example of the earliest record scratch sound effect in recorded history.  Most people don’t remember, but 1993 became the high-water mark of record-scratch sound effect usage, when a spunky little flick called Surf Ninjas employed the device before the trailer even began.  Most of the time in a movie trailer, some normal crap will be happening and everything will be all regular, when all of a sudden, (*RECORD SCRATCH*) the world gets flip-turned upside down and hijinks begin to ensue.  Therefore, the message of Surf Ninjas, by putting the record scratch before any of the footage, is that THIS MOVIE IS PURE HIJINKS!  THE HIJINKS BEGIN AS SOON AS YOU BUY YOUR TICKET!  COWABUNGA, DUDE, THIS ISN’T YOUR GRANDMA’S NINJA SURF RECORD SCRATCH DJ!  And yes, that was Rob Schneider in there.  He should’ve killed himself after this came out, and gone out on top.

Thanks to Justin for the tip

G4′s Attack of the Show boner fairy Olivia Munn recently revealed that she’ll have a small part in Iron Man 2, and with an attitude like that (<===), it’s no wonder.  Let this be a lesson to you, girls, no one likes a restraining orderer.

Back in April, Olivia Munn revealed on Twitter that she has been cast in two upcoming movies: One is the upcoming Steve Carell/Tina Fey comedy Date Night, and the other is some project that she was working out for but wasn’t “legally” allowed to discuss publicly yet. Turns out that she has a role in Iron Man 2. No word on how large of a role she might play. I assume that she’ll probably be in one or two scenes, possibly as a television announcer [quite an assumption, no? -Ed]. Munn said on Twitter that her role is “definitely” bigger than her one minute appearance in Rob Schneider’s Big Stan. [/Film]

Oh yes, Big Stan.  Who could forget Big Stan? (*checks IMDB*) Oh right… Rob Schneider’s directorial debut… looks like it just came out last June in… Kazakhstan.  Now available on DVD!  I know what I’m doing tonight*.

*sorry this post wasn’t funnier, but that .gif animation was distracting the hell out of me. I still haven’t blinked. (source)