Turns out Rob Marshall’s flip announcement that he’d be directing Pirates 4 (Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides) is still true, even after his latest, Nine, flopped. According to MSNBC: it’ll shoot this summer, all over a dude’s chest.

The fourth installment of Disney’s popular “Pirates of the Caribbean” series will be filmed in Hawaii, according an announcement Monday by Gov. Linda Lingle.
Johnny Depp will return to his role as Captain Jack Sparrow in “Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides,” which will be released in 2011. The film is produced by Jerry Bruckheimer and directed by Rob Marshall.

The last two were directed by Gore Verbinski, and the last one was harder to sit through than Transformers 2, so I’m glad they’ve got some new blood.  And since it’s Rob Marshall, I imagine he’ll focus on my favorite aspects of the Pirates franchise.  Namely the makeup, and the dancing.

That’s me and my frat bro Jake at the premiere.  Cool outfits, right?  It was a mad house, we had to hold hands in case to keep from getting separated.

Everybody keeps sending me this Nic Cage as Everyone site so I assumed everyone had already seen it.  But new is a little slow today, so here you go.  The Tommy Boy picture is my favorite.  Other headlines:

National Society of Film Critics names Hurt Locker best movie – which may mean its Oscar chances are cursed, as 7 of their last 11 choices failed to even get an Oscar nomination. We might as well chuck The Hurt Locker onto that non-Oscar-winning scrapheap with forgotten turds like Pulp Fiction.   I mean who even remembers that? [Cinematical]

Peter Jackson has been knighted in his native New Zealand.  New Zealand’s only been a colony since 1840, so I’m not sure why they’d even have knights, but I hear the ceremony involves shearing a sheep while being presented with a ceremonial salami. Congrats, Pete. (Also, how many dudes named “Pete” were involved in that ceremony?  I’d bet at least five.) [THR]

Weinstein says they’re staying the course with Nine, contrary to previous reports.  Which is great news for the Golden Globes’ credibility. Hey, films tracking 37% on rottentomatoes always get nominated for best picture awards, right? [THR]

Here are some of the songs for The Goonies musical that Rob Dean and Keith Doughty have been trying to make happen for the past eight years.  See “Sloth’s Song” after the jump. In related news, I sang Billy Joel using only mouthfarts once.  [playlist here, with lyrics over at /Film]

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This is the final theatrical trailer for Rob Marshall’s Nine, exhorting you one last time to “be Italian” before its release on Christmas Day.  Luckily I’m already Italian, so I can grab my crotch and tell this trailer to “get lost” while thanking God I don’t have to post any more trailers about a guy who’s so cool that he’s “wearin’ shades in the middle of the night.”  If wearin sunglasses at night is cool, peeing your pants is Miles Davis.  Wait, what?

Anyway, it looks like there might be a good movie in there somewhere, but that music makes me want to cut off my ears and eat them.

Nine times out of ten when a person is offended by something, it’s because he or she is an idiot.  Moral outrage = not enough oxygen in the womb.  Sorry, folks, it’s just science.  But then this poster for Rob Marshall’s Nine came out, and I thought hey, why should stupid people have all the fun?  I want to be the aggrieved party for once.  So, as an Italian-American, I’d like to formally express my moral outrage at having Nine use the tagline “Be Italian.”  What is that supposed to mean?  Is this how you see us?  What an unfair stereotype.  You think we all just run around singing cheesy-ass songs and shooting movies that make perfume ads look subtle by comparison?  Screw you, buddy, you can’t just go around making sweeping generalizations like that, this isn’t Mexico.

I went ahead and made a poster that better reflects the diverse nature of real Italians.  I used an ancient symbol of national pride, Italian Anteater.

[via Cinematical, Yahoo]

(Know why gay pirates never drown?  Because they’re flambuoyant!  Thanks, you guys have been great, don’t forget to tip your drag queens.)

One thing that always bugged me about Pirates of the Caribbean movies was, aside from all the chattering monkeys and ghosts and dancing skeletons and gay crap, why no dance numbers?  Thankfully, that may all change now that Rob Marshall (Chicago, Nine) is directing.

At a DGA screening of Nine, Marshall confirmed that he would be helming the Disney sequel. When asked what he would be doing next, Marshall responded “ya’know, it’s something that I was offered and never in the world thought I would do but then I was like ‘why not?’… I’m doing ‘Pirates of the Caribbean….”  Marshall also mentioned that he had met with Johnny Depp, and that they are both excited to work together.

The fourth film will be based on Tim Powers’ pirate novel On Stranger Tides which was optioned by Disney years ago. The plot of the novel:  Puppeteer John Chandagnac, bound for Jamaica to recover stolen money from his uncle, becomes Jack Shandy after pirates attack his ship and force him to join their crew. Shandy’s struggle to accept his new life grounds the story for readers, even as Blackbeard and vodun magicians whisk everyone away to dreamlike lands where the Fountain of Youth itself awaits. The chaotic sea battles sing, though at times key events happen so quickly that they get lost in the shuffle as Jack tries to comprehend where he’s going and what’s at stake. [/Film, AICN]

Well that’s great.  So many times when I’m watching two ships blast each other with cannon balls while pirates sword fight on the deck, I wonder, “This is great, but what of their existential ennui?”