Channing Tatum’s spiritual doppleganger (and Lost Boys-era Corey Haim’s physical doppleganger), Chet Haze performed over the weekend, at a show in Chicago that was “not particularly off the hook” and “only mildly bangin’” according to witnesses (okay, I made that second one up). I suppose it’s not surprising at a show where he played second fiddle to an “edible candy wall” and “cotton candy”, according to the flyer. Chet’s pops, Tom Hanks, was also said to be in attendance, but at least as far as we can tell, it doesn’t sound like the music spoke to him quite like Mexican weather salsa music.  Here’s a first-hand account:

I’d say there were about 100 to 150 people there. It was a decent sized crowd but the club itself was pretty small. It was primarily made up of meatheads and club girls; my date told me that the guy behind me was singing along with all three songs, so apparently there were some Chet Haze superfans in attendance. I met some guy on the smoking deck who said he was a music producer and was there because he was fascinated that Chet Haze is making such a name for himself purely by being terrible.
The show was not particularly off the hook. I was disappointed with the length, especially since he didn’t go on until almost 1:00, and with the fact that he was clearly rapping and singing over his recordings. I would have been more impressed if he didn’t need such backup. Also, it would have been more off the hook if he brought those sexy dancers out earlier instead of at the end of his last song.
I was also surprised by Chet’s diminutive stature. He is a small, thin guy with muscles. I thought he would be much bulkier from his press pictures… [Nicole Lasky (pictured) for Gawker]

Only THREE songs of terrible music?  God, this food sucks, and the portions are so small.  Anyway, here’s Tom and Rita at the event (more pictures here):

They look surprisingly happy. I mean, they are professional actors and all, but still.  If he was my kid, I’d probably treat him like the exact opposite of Rita Wilson’s invisible child in that one TV movie. The world would be able to see him, but he’d be invisible to me.  “Hey, what’s up with your son rapping about Pacific Palisades?”  “My who?  I swear, I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Scott Wampler over at the Examiner just sent over this trailer for the uuuuhmazing Forgotten Classic, Invisible Child.  It stars Tom Hanks’ wife, Rita Wilson, displaying the brilliant judgment she’d later hone as the producer of two Nia Vardalos movies and a TV spinoff, in a TV movie about a mother with an invisible child named Maggie.  Shot in 1999, it was apparently resurrected and screened for sh*tty movie lovers at the Alamo Drafthouse last year, and may screen there again soon (I’m told there was a trailer for it, but it’s not listed on their website).

In the film, Wilson plays Annie Beeman, a mother with two real children and one imaginary one, who’s apparently so fragile that everyone in her life plays along with her delusion.  As for the best scene, for me it’s a toss up between the aerial shot of Wilson frolicking about her lawn with the invisible child like a dog, and the part where the new nanny tries to trick Wilson into thinking the invisible kid is standing right next to her.  And Rita Wilson is all like, “Pff, bitch, please, I think I know my invisible daughter when I see her.”  At which point the exasperated nanny nearly breaks down the fourth wall with this face:

(*ZOINKS*)

The irony is that just 12 years later, Chet Haze would release his first mix tape, and suddenly having an invisible child would sound to Wilson like her first wish from a magical genie.

The headline says it all, folks.  This is an actual publicity still from Old Dogs, and it is simply magical.  I can only assume they’re going the Miracle Whip route and trying to outdo Faces of Old Dogs by making their own marketing so over-the-top ridiculous that parody is obsolete.  But… that’s a lot of credit to give any group of people who thought this clip was an effective advertisement.  You can actually see the boom mic guy’s reflection on the side of the car!  This is either an elaborate piece of performance art or it was directed by the real-life three stooges.

[acesshowbiz via FilmSchoolRejects]