Here’s the new video for They Might Be Giants’ new song, “Can’t Keep Johnny Down,” which features 80-year-old Rip Torn bare-knuckle boxing some young shirtless punk. Hold on, let me get this straight, They Might Be Giants… Rip Torn… shirtless guys boxing… My God, this is relevant to ALL of my interests.
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I’ve done a lot of stupid things while drunk (which may explain why my job doesn’t require pants), but even I’ve never been so butthoused that I broke into a bank and passed out there with a pistol in my pocket because I thought I was home.  And that’s why Rip Torn is gotdamned national hero. (*hums America the Beautiful*)

LITCHFIELD, Conn. (AP) — Prosecutors say actor Rip Torn has pleaded guilty to charges stemming from allegations he broke into a Connecticut bank while drunk and armed.

The star of movies including “Men in Black” and “The Beastmaster” was arrested in January after police found him inside the Litchfield Bancorp with a loaded revolver.

State’s attorney David Shepack says the Emmy Award-winning actor pleaded guilty Tuesday to reckless endangerment, criminal trespass, criminal mischief and the illegal carrying of a firearm.

The 79-year-old actor was given a 2 1/2-year suspended sentence and three years of probation. Conditions include a ban on firearm possession and random drug and alcohol tests. [AP]

God d*mn right. Some people might say anyone else who got caught with a loaded gun inside a bank would get thrown in jail, and maybe that’s true.  But you don’t throw national heroes in jail.  You say, “Aw hell, that’s just ol’ Rip! Good ol’ Rip, he’s drunk and carryin’ a loaded pistol again!  He ain’t hurtin nobody, that’s just Rip bein’ Rip!  But tell ya what, pardner, if he tells ya to dance, ya better listen.”

Apparently this clip is pretty famous, but I hadn’t seen it before yesterday, when everyone sent it to me in response to Rip Torn’s awesome drunken rampage.  It comes from Norman Mailer’s 1970 film Maidstone, and involves a pretty intense brawl that ensues after Torn hits Mailer in the head with a hammer, and Mailer responds by trying to chew off Torn’s ear.  Or as Nick Nolte calls it, Wednesday.  From the description:

Mailer’s concept was a half-scripted movie where a tyrannical director who plans to run for president is assassinated by an actor on his current film who wants to stop the tyranny from going global. Mailer spent much of the shoot insulting his actors to get one of them to improvise his assassination. Mailer drifted in and out of character, then wrapped without an assassination. [...]
Rip Torn (playing his brother-in-law and assassin) allegedly decided to take it upon himself to “improvise” an attack by hitting Mailer on the head with a small hammer, drawing blood. Mailer retaliated by tackling and then nearly chewing Torn’s ear off as they grappled viciously, and it rapidly escalated into an unhinged on-camera brawl as Mailer’s horrified kids screamed in terror. [...]
I have to wonder how “unplanned” this sequence was, as the camera is obviously following Rip closely in the moments before the attack, and if principal photography had finished the day before, why was the camera crew still hanging around filming Rip and the Mailer family? Its more like Mailer knew Rip would pull something for the camera, but didnt know what, and overreacted because he wasnt expecting him to use a real hammer and actually start hitting him with it. [via this guy]

First he hits Norman Mailer with a tiny hammer and tries to convince him it was part of the movie, 40 years later he gets caught carrying a tiny pistol.  Who wants to bet his plan in case he shot someone was to just slap him on the back and go, “Aw, relax, ya pussy, Ol’ Rip was just f*ckin’ with ya.  C’mere kid, pull my finger.”

(The whole thing feels pretty staged, if you ask me).

(“Drive us to go get some flapjacks, pussy.”)

I was hoping we’d soon get a few more details on the Rip Torn story from this morning, and a few more details we have:

Rip Torn was so intoxicated when he broke into a Connecticut bank carrying a loaded gun that he thought he was home, taking off his hat and boots and leaving them by the door, according to court records.
He is expected to enter an alcohol rehabilitation center in New York as early as Tuesday, according to his attorney. [Boooo!]
The “Men in Black” actor is accused of breaking into the Litchfield Bancorp branch through a window Friday night in Salisbury, where officers responding to an alarm found him wandering in the lobby and nearly incoherent.
According to court records, Torn was disoriented, reeked of alcohol and asked the state police troopers repeatedly why they were taking him out of his home.
“Obviously, he wasn’t there intending to commit a crime, in my estimation,” Waterfall said.
Officers found a loaded .22-caliber revolver in Torn’s pocket, according to court records, and a breath test showed his blood-alcohol content as 0.203 percent — more than twice the 0.08 legal limit for driving in Connecticut. [AP]

Big deal, it’s not like he was driving.  He was just breaking into a bank with his gun and happened to have a few drinks first.  He even took his shoes off.  Jeez, I thought this was America.

-Thanks to Ben for the tip

Though many of us have gotten pretty loaded in the past, maybe even so loaded we peed the bed and then blamed it on our girlfriends, chances are we never got sh*tcanned and ended up in bank with a loaded gun like Rip Torn.  Who’s 78.  The only way this story could be more awesome is if he’d tried to get away on a velociraptor.

The veteran actor Rip Torn, 78, was arrested in Connecticut on Saturday after police found him “highly intoxicated” and with a loaded revolver inside the Litchfield Bank in Salisbury, where the actor lives, Reuters reported. Mr. Torn, who has had a few run-ins with the police over drunken driving in recent years that resulted in fines, a license suspension or probation, was held on $100,000 bond.  [NY Times]

I think Rip Torn, Nick Nolte, Gary Busey, and Lou Dobbs should have a show that’s exactly like The View, except all they do is get wasted and complain about different ethnic groups.  The Bleary View, they could call it.  And maybe every now and then, they could throw a few wild animals and/or weapons in the studio with them.  I would literally kill to see that.