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After the jump, it’s the first trailer for Universal’s Battleship, which is loosely based on the board game and reportedly cost $200 million to make. I think it looks amazingly terrible, but then I could be biased because I’ve read the script. It stars the poor man’s Chris Pine, Taylor Kitsch as a cocky young blah blah something something aliens come and Rihanna is there. Liam Neeson reprises his role as Guy Who Likes Paychecks, and Alexander Skarsgård is all “HURRR, I’M HANDSOME.” Also, the aliens have jumping battleships in this one. That’s right, JUMPING BATTLESHIPS. It makes sense, because they’re aliens. Hey, Hollywood, maybe it’d be easier to just tell us which movies AREN’T about alien invasions from now on.

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Singer Chris Brown has been cast as one of the four male leads in Think Like a Man, a new film based on comedian and multi-button suit enthusiast Steve Harvey’s best-selling book, “Act Like a lady, Think Like a Man”. Brown will be joined by comedian Kevin Hart, Michael Ealy, and the guy who plays Turtle on Entourage as four guys who have to deal with their girlfriends/wives actually using Harvey’s book to dictate their relationships.

It’s kind of like Inception meets Rihanna’s face.

According to the book’s Amazon page…

Harvey makes a game effort, taking a bold but familiar men-are-dogs approach: if you’re “cutting back” on sex, “he will have another woman lined up and waiting to give him what he needs and wants–the cookie.” Several chapters later, however, he introduces the “ninety-day rule,” asserting that, actually, he won’t always have another woman lined up–and the only way to makes sure is a three-month vetting period.

So the basic idea here is that the four women (played by Gabrielle Union, LaLa Vasquez-Anthony, Regina Hall and someone else who is inexplicably hot enough to pair with the fat guy who loves shoes) start taking advice from a book that demands that they either have sex with their men when expected or they will be replaced. If there’s a chapter on sandwich preparation and threeways then I am sold.

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(Rihanna prepares for another game of ‘Smell the Glove’)

I was browsing my favorite internet website RihannaDaily this morning when I came across these first pictures of Rihanna on the set of Peter Berg’s Battleship.  Casting Rihanna as a Navy seawoman in a board-game-based movie about a naval battle with aliens seemed like a weird choice (as did moving forward with this whole board-game idea in the first place), but now that I’ve seen the pictures, she definitely looks the part.  Her transformation is breathtaking, really.  You’d never guess she was actually a famous pop star and not no-nonsense sailor lady.  I mean, the camouflage, the forearm tattoos… incredible.

“Okay, team, so what do we know about sailors?”

“Hmm, they swear a lot?”

“Good, but…”

“Oooh, I know– they have tattoos of anchors on their forearms.”

“Yes!  That’s good…”

“And they’re always eating spinach and getting into fights!”

“Right!”

“I was thinking… could she also smoke a corn cob pip?”

“That’s great stuff, Trent, really great.  Nice work, gang.  Should we call out for sushi?”

RELATED ASYLUM POLL: What board game would make the best movie?

Casting Updates:

According to Variety, Rihanna will be making her acting debut in Battleship, the Peter Berg-directed, Universal-Hasbro co-production based on, yes, the board game. Set to co-star Alexander Skaaaaåaårsgååärd of True Blood and Taylor “The Canadian Gambit” Kitsch, last we heard, the premise was an international, five-ship fleet engaged an intense naval battle with… aliens.  They don’t say what role Rihanna will play, but I’m guessing a super-hot special forces agent, or a nuclear physicist in tight leather pants.  Or perhaps the admirella, ella, ella, ella, eh eh eh this sucks.

Tom Hardy has replaced Sam Worthington opposite Chris Pine in This Means War.  Sounds good so far, right?  Bursting onto the scene with Bronson and following it up with Inception, Hardy has been getting near-universal rave reviews for his acting, not to mention being total dreamboat.  For his part, Pine managed to out-lovable-rogue Shatner as Captain Kirk in Star Trek, no small feat.  And now for the bad news.  This is a McG project. Here’s what we knew last time I wrote about it, when Seth Rogen was being considered for the role:

The story follows two best buddies whose friendship is put to the test when a woman moves into their spare room. As they fight for her affections, New York City is literally left demolished in their wake — including such landmarks as the Empire State Building and the Statue of Liberty.  Rogen and Pine are being considered for the role of FDR (a character named after the late President because his parents had high hopes for him) — after James Franco officially passed [and Brad Cooper dropped out because of a "scheduling issue."] TheWrap

If the world were fair and you went into a pitch meeting and said, “Hancock and My Super Ex-Girlfriend meets Bride Wars as directed by McG,” you’d leave covered tar, feathers, and stab wounds, like after a Danny Trejo barbecue.  Just say no, Tom.

I hope this is a made up story, but Rihanna was in New York this weekend, supposedly to discuss film projects…

…one of which is a proposed remake of 1992’s Whitney Houston/Kevin Costner flick, “The Bodyguard.” Rihanna would be taking on Whitney’s role in the updated version, which an insider says would be a “young and sexy take” on the favorite film. “GI Joe” hottie Channing Tatum’s name has been bandied about to take on Costner’s role. [NYDailyNews]

Hmm, somehow I don’t think Rihanna singing “I Will Always Love You” would be such a good idea.  Maybe they could call this one “Crappy Bodyguard.”