Apple just released the trailer for The Double, from director Michael Brandt and Derek Haas, who both co-wrote Wanted and 3:10 to Yuma, starring Richard Gere and Topher Grace as a pair of government agents tracking a legendary Soviet assassin (Soviet? Jeez, what year is it?). Richard Gere plays an old CIA salt, whose boss Martin Sheen brings him out of retirement and tells him, “It’s Cassius, he’s back.” And Richard Gere’s all like, “No, it can’t be, I killed him with my own gun!” And then this rookie FBI agent played by Topher Grace jumps up and he’s like, “Oh, I think it is.” And then Martin Sheen’s like, “Dick? Meet Topher, he knows more about Cassius than any snot-nosed rookie Poindexter with no field experience I’ve ever met.”

So then they team up, like a regular Sean Connery and Nic Cage. But next thing you know, Richard Gere is like, “GUESS WHAT, I’M CASSIUS!” And starts garroting people with his fancy watch. Then Topher Grace says, “This entire time… he’s been hunting himself!” Which is kind of lame, because duh, we already knew that. So… Why do we need to see this movie now? I guess just to see Richard Gere scream at chicks.

Back in the 80s our enemy was the Soviets, whose code name here is “Cassius.” Do you think that’s a reference to Cassius Clay, foreshadowing our enemies eventually becoming Muslims named Muhammed? Discuss.

(Arrow added to emphasize titties)

Well this is weird. Just last night someone was talking about Brooklyn’s Finest. He said he’d seen it at Sundance last year and I asked why it wasn’t out yet, and he said probably because the ending was ridiculous and terrible.  It comes from Training Day director Antoine Fuqua (is it just me, or is everyone named Antoine either a flaming gay or a big scary tough guy?) and stars Ethan Hawke, Richard Gere, Don Cheadle, and Wesley Snipes.  As the headline would indicate, it basically looks like if Crash was set in Brooklyn.  So much crime and racism, it’s a shame what’s happened to our inner cities.  If only Sandra Bullock would teach more blacks to play football.

Read the rest of this entry »

Every time I read Amelia, in my mind I hear Will Farrell shouting “Amelia!” like in Night at the Roxbury.  Haha, good story, Vince.  Anyway, this is the first trailer for Amelia, starring Hillary Swank as the aviatress who captured America’s heart by promising she could fly around the globe, only to fail miserably and die in the ocean, never to be found.  Ever since, women have been banned from flying, and for that we thank her.

Read the rest of this entry »

UPDATE: Some shrivs from Fox wanted us to take down the pictures that were here, because God forbid I advertise their crappy movie.  I like hat kitty here better anyway.

It’s a fascinating day out here in the movie blog world, folks, and it continues with fascinating pictures from the fascinating set of Amelia, Hillary Swank’s biopic of Amelia Earhardt, who in 1937 proved once and for all that chicks suck at flying.  It reminds me of the time I got pulled over by a police woman.  "They let you ladies carry guns nowadays?" I asked her.  Yup, me and the doctor who stitched up my eye had a pretty good laugh about that one.  Women, you know? 

But in all seriousness, the first woman to fly around the world and her name is "Air-heart"?  You couldn’t write that!  …*sigh*

[Ed. Note: I added a bunch to the list at the end (after the jump) based on all the feedback] Today Cinematical has a list of the worst fake accents (act-cents?) in movie history. Their list:

1. Kevin Costner – Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves
2. Val Kilmer – Alexander
3. The Cast of Bram Stoker’s Dracula
4. Brad Pitt – Seven Years in Tibet
5. John Wayne – The Long Voyage Home
6. Heather Graham – From Hell
7. Christopher Lambert – Highlander

Not a bad jumping off point, but they didn’t pick any of my favorites:
Richard Gere in First Knight.  Apparently Lancelot was American.
Benicio Del Toro in Snatch.  What the hell country are you supposed to be from?
Heath Ledger in Brothers Grimm.  I cain’t understand you, go back to yer country.
Sean Connery in The Untouchables.  Uh, dude, aren’t you supposed to be Irish?  Oh right, you’re Sean Connery, my bad. 

Mel Gibson in the first Lethal Weapon. Mel still sounded Australian at this stage of his career. No one felt the need to explain that.
Colin Farrell in Phone Booth. I love it when Anglos talk New Yawk. Captain Eyebrows overdoes it just enough to keep Russell Crowe in American Gangster off the list.
Drew Barrymore in any movie.  Once you stop being a child actor, speech impediments cease to be cute.
Vanessa Angel in Kingpin. She goes in and out of dialects, but you’re allowed to do that when you have huge tits.
The cast of Miami Vice.  Okay, maybe it’s not an accent, persay, but Goddamn, are you really gonna make me watch an American movie with the subtitles on?  Get a sound editor in here.
Adam Sandler in Little Nicky/The Waterboy. Dude, stop, that’s really weird.
Mos Def in 16 Blocks.  What. the fuck. are you doing?
–
LATE ADDITIONS:
The "Irish" chick in Caddyshack.  Tanks fer nuttin’!
Cate Blanchett in just about anything (but especially The Aviator and Life Aquatic).  Yeah, we get it, you’re acting.  *gold star for you*
Nic Cage in Con Air.  I knew he sucked in something!  Damn you, Coppola relatives!
John Malkovich as KGB in Rounders.  I actually loved him in this movie, but so many nominations… Guess it was over the top, but still.
Kirsten Dunst in Marie Antoinette.  Haven’t seen it myself because I avoid Sofia Coppola movies like fat chicks at an orgy, but it sounds like it could be true.
Jar Jar Binks.  How did we miss that one? Probably the most annoying voice in movie history.
Madonna in real life.  See heah, luv, you ahn’t British, savvy?
Keanu Reeves in Dangerous Liaisons.  Again, haven’t seen it, but it sounds like it should make the list. Must admit he did a pretty good job in The Gift though.  -Way to go, team *ass slaps all around*

Biggest upset? Nic Cage not making this list. Meanwhile, Brad Pitt runs away with best accent in movie history for Mickey in Snatch (in second place, "Moy naime is Chev Chelios, and todaiy’s da day oy doy," – Jason Statham) LATE ADDITIONS: Benicio in Usual Suspects, Hugh Laurie in House – I don’t watch that show, but i’ve seen enough promos to know the dude nails it, impressive.  Also, expect new additions to the worst list once The Other Boleyn Girl comes out.