“Please… please stop taking pictures of our children… they just want to be normal kids.”

Last year, then-11-year old Willow Smith caused an Internet uproar when she Tweeted a picture of herself with what looked like a tongue ring while bragging that she got a tongue ring. And people clearly believed that she would get her tongue pierced because she dresses like this and has hair like this, so it just seemed logical. It turned out, though, that she was just playin, y’all, because she just wanted to watch everyone overreact. Take that, you poor adults working hard to pay bills, whatever those are.

But the timing was convenient, because it reminded us that not only were her father, Will Smith, and rap superstar Jay-Z producing a remake of the classic musical Annie, and not only were they trying to get Emma Thompson to write it, but it was also starring Willow. After all, her brother got to be Karate Kid for Halloween so she should get to be Annie.

Except now she doesn’t want to do it anymore. “Gosh dad, just give me a million dollars and leave me alone!”

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Vanity Fair just released their list of last year’s top earners in Hollywood, and the top spot should be no surprise.  James Cameron’s estimated $257 million was more than the next three highest combined. James Cameron would take a swan dive off his private skyscraper into his indoor shark pool if he ever had to go back to earning what Chris Nolan earns ($71.5 million).  At that rate, he’d probably have to fire the Ukranian teens who chew the caviar he feeds his lizards.  At that point, why even bother?

Meanwhile, the biggest surprise on the top 10 was probably Taylor Lautner at number nine with $33.5 million.  Why a surprise?  I guess it’s just that, well, you expect someone who makes the top ten in earnings to, how shall I put this… actually be good at something.  This dude rode his Paul Walker-level acting abilities to a supporting role in Twilight and suddenly he’s out-earning Robert Downey Jr, who I believe starred in 67 movies last year.  I know he’s got great abs, but honestly… you want a hairless teen with abs?  I can get you a hairless teen with abs, believe me.  There are ways, dude.  You don’t wanna know about it, believe me.

1. James Cameron
WRITER, DIRECTOR, PRODUCER (Creative Artists Agency)
ESTIMATED 2010 EARNINGS: $257 MILLION (2009 rank: 4)
$248 million: Avatar (back-end for writing, producing, and directing, based on 2010 worldwide box-office gross of $1.95 billion, and share of DVD and pay-television revenue; excludes $50 million earned in 2009)
$5 million: Avatar (share of toy licensing, other revenue)
$4 million: Older film revenue (e.g., back-end and royalties from earlier projects, other payments)

2. Johnny Depp
ACTOR (United Talent Agency)
ESTIMATED 2010 EARNINGS: $100 MILLION (2009 rank: 21)
$40 million: Alice in Wonderland (back-end for starring in Tim Burton film, based on worldwide gross of $1.02 billion)
$35 million: Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides (up-front money for starring in next installment of Jerry Bruckheimer’s waterlogged but ludicrously profitable franchise)
$20 million: The Tourist (fee for co-starring in one of the year’s bigger flops alongside Angelina Jolie)
$5 million: Older film revenue

3. Steven Spielberg
DIRECTOR, PRODUCER (CAA)
ESTIMATED 2010 EARNINGS: $80 MILLION (2009 rank: 2)
$50 million: Universal-theme-park royalties and consulting fees
$20 million: War Horse (fee for directing and producing upcoming World War I drama)
$10 million: Older film revenue

4. Christopher Nolan
WRITER, DIRECTOR, PRODUCER (CAA)
ESTIMATED 2010 EARNINGS: $71.5 MILLION (2009 rank: —)
$69 million: Inception (back-end for writing, producing, and directing, based on worldwide gross of $823 million, and share of DVD and pay-TV revenue)
$2.5 million: Older film revenue

5. Leonardo DiCaprio
ACTOR (Special Artists Agency)
ESTIMATED 2010 EARNINGS: $62 MILLION (2009 rank: —)
$59 million: Inception (back-end for starring in somewhat convoluted Christopher Nolan film)
$3 million: Back-end for starring in somewhat convoluted Martin Scorsese film Shutter Island, older film revenue

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