Rhys Ifans may have been taking his role as the villain in the Amazing Spider-Man a little too seriously yesterday when he showed up to Comic-Con reeking of booze, berating the staff, and insulting America. And no, I’m not making up that last one. Ifans was arrested and cited for battery following the Spider-Man panel after he allegedly shoved a female security guard, right in her boobs. Okay, maybe not in her boobs, but I liked the visual.

Ifans, who smelled of alcohol, became irate when a member of his entourage was unable to enter the hall for lack of proper credentialing, police said. They said he shoved the guard in order to pass through, and was allowed to participate in the panel, but the guard subsequently made a citizen’s arrest.
“He was aggressive and belligerent,” Lt. Andra Brown said of the Welsh actor. “He was… berating everyone from the security staff to the United States of America.”
“He was cited and released, which is a non-custodial misdemeanor arrest,” added Brown, who said that the San Diego City Attorney will now determine whether to pursue charges. Ifans could be required to pay a fine, or could contest the case before a judge.
“But, according to him, the U.S. sucks and he doesn’t want to come back,” Brown said.
An individual with knowledge of the incident said security was very “tight and aggressive backstage.” The person said Ifans stepped outside to smoke a cigarette, and when he tried to get back in security tried to stop him and his entourage, which escalated into an argument.

Having gone to college in San Diego, I can personally attest to the fact that police and security guards tend to be fascist dicks here. I can never understand not letting a 34-year-old into your bar if her driver’s license is expired by two days, but it happens here. Motherf*cker, I’m trying to prove my identity, not drive the bar. Likewise, security at the Con is big on not letting you walk three feet to your right if it interferes with whatever serpentine path they’ve created, so I’m not surprised that they had trouble with a free-loving Welshman.  The only thing less surprising is that Rhys Ifans showed up smelling of booze. I can smell booze on Rhys Ifans, and I’ve only seen pictures. As to whether he’s still a danger, a police spokesman described Ifans as “wiry.”

Sony announced that Rhys Ifans had joined the cast of Marc Webb’s 3D Spider-Man reboot a few days ago, and now speculation as to which character he’d play comes to an end, as TheWrap reports Ifans will play the kind of part you’d expect of a 40-something Welshman who usually plays rock stars: Lizard Man The Lizard.  Ifans joins Emma Stone as Peter Parker’s girlfriend Gwen Stacy and Scarfield as Peter Parker/Spider-Man.

The Lizard aka Curt Connors was a doctor who lost his right arm in the army and later studied lizards as a way to regenerate limbs.  He tested a serum for limb regeneration on himself, and it worked, but wouldn’t you know it, it turned him into lizard.  Wikipedia has a whole 6,000-word description of the character, but I think the main thing to remember is that he’s a dude who looks like a lizard.  Mother Theresa’s profile, incidentally, is 5,000 words.

It’s a little weird, because wasn’t the sticking point between Sony and Sam Raimi that led to this being a reboot that Raimi wanted to use classic villains like Sandman and Vulture, and the studio kept pushing him to use villains they thought would sell more toys, like Venom?  And now they’ve got a classic villain anyway.  Though if it’s between a fourth sequel with Tobey Maguire and a reboot with all these new people, I’m not sure which I’d choose.  All I know is that a really good scene would be one where Emo Spider-Man comes back to confront his replacement, Scarfield.  They wouldn’t actually fight, but they’d exchange such bitchy looks from across the bar, the tension would be palpable.

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Sony has announced in a press release that Welsh actor Rhys Ifans will be playing the villain in Marc Webb‘s upcoming 3D Spider-Man reboot with Scarfield and Emma Stone. The 42-year-old Ifans is a classic movie “that guy” who’s done solid supporting work in a billion movies and is perhaps best known to Americans as the kicker in The Replacements, which is on cable roughly every seven minutes.

Which villain Ifans will be playing has not yet been identified.  “Welsh Guy”, perhaps?  We could speculate, but if I sat here writing a post about which bad guys from the comic book I’d most like to see Spider-scarf fight, I’d have to kick my own ass.

As far as criminals go, everyone seems to like drug smugglers.  It’s essentially a victimless crime, and more importantly, they give you drugs.  Who better to play such a lovable ne’er-do-well than Rhys Ifans?  A charming Welsh actor who’s normally stuck in movies that might generously be described as “piles of ox twat.”  This time around, Ifans stars in Mr. Nice, based on the memoir of British drug smuggler Howard Marks.  Says Marks’ own website:

During the mid 1980s, Howard Marks had 43 aliases, 89 phone lines, and 25 companies trading throughout the world. Bars, recording studios, offshore banks: all were money-laundering vehicles serving the core activity: dope dealing. Marks began to deal during a postgraduate philosophy course at Oxford [*dismissive wank*] and was soon moving large quantities of hashish into Europe and America in the equipment of touring rock bands.

At the height of his career, he was smuggling consignments of up to 30 tons from Pakistan and Thailand to America and Canada and had contact with organizations as diverse as the CIA, MI6, the IRA, and the Mafia. After many years and a world-wide operation by the DEA, he was busted and sentenced to 25 years in prison at the United States Federal Penitentiary, Terre Haute, Indiana, the site of America’s only Federal Death Row. He was released on parole in April 1995 after serving seven years of his sentence.

“So… you were taking a prestigious academic course when, after touring with famous rock bands, you decided to become a mysterious secret agent?  But how did you find time to pearl dive with the Dalai Lama and start that shelter for injured kittens?”  Mr. Nice, more like Mr. Humble.  This guy makes Tucker Max look like Woody Allen.  I can’t wait for the next autobiographical biopic they make, I’m Awesome, by Professor Metallica von HugeC*ck, MD.

[trailer via IGN, pic via /Film]

This is the trailer for Greenberg, from writer/director Noah Baumbach, starring Ben Stiller.  I feel very unqualified to talk about it, since Noah Baumbach is that guy who I always hear good things about but I’m not that familiar with, and the trailer has a song from one of those bands that everyone says is cool that I never got around to listening to probably because I’m not that cool. ;-(

A New Yorker moves to Los Angeles in order to figure out his life while he housesits for his brother, and he soon sparks with his brother’s assistant.

Based on the trailer, it appears Ben Stiller is a mopey, depressed loser, until one day he meets a girl who’s desperate and depressed and lonely enough herself to put with his crap. Then she won’t bone him at first because she already boned everyone else and she wants this to be different. Then his dog gets cancer and they fall in love, a story as old as time.  I dunno, I might see this.  Or I might just eat easy cheeze straight from the can and zone out on the couch watching Maury.  Either way, man, I don’t even care anymore.

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