Chan-Wook Park’s Oldboy (2003) is one of those foreign films that so many people have already seen that a remake would almost be sacrilege, but in the eyes of studio execs, people who watch foreign films aren’t an audience worth considering anyway so shut up while Kevin James takes a gorilla ice skating.  Last we heard, a deal that would’ve had Spielberg and Will Smith involved in the remake fell through when Dreamworks and Mandate couldn’t come to an agreement.  But Mandate apparently still owns the rights to the remake, and now Twitch reports that they’re in talks with Spike Lee to direct.  Yes, Spike Lee. I for one can’t wait for ODay Sioux’s inevitable out-of-context rant about how much he hates Arab cab drivers.

Twitch has learned that Spike Lee is currently in talks to direct the long-rumored Hollywood remake of Park Chan-Wook´s Oldboy.
The film is set up at Mandate with Doug Davison and Roy Lee producing and Mark Protosevich (Thor, I Am Legend) writing the script.

The original starred the brilliant Min-Sik Choi as Oh Dae-Su, a man with five days to find and exact his revenge on the man who imprisoned him for 15 years.  Whether a straight remake or a new adaptation of the original manga, I imagine Spike Lee’s version would play out much the same way. “Oldboy 2: Who you callin’ ‘Boy?”” they could call it.

As far as I’m concerned, the only thing that could possibly be better than the original Commando is watching small African children explain the plot of the original Commando.  But there’s a small, vocal minority of people out there, mostly made up of the producers of the Commando remake, who think a Commando remake is a super-good idea. Producer John Davis recently provided an update on the project (which we first heard of last April), and Davis is a good guy to have in charge because he’s one of the minds behind Mr. Popper’s Penguins.

What’s up with Commando?
Davis:  We have a really great script.  You know, I don’t know if it really makes sense to call it Commando.  Maybe it does or maybe doesn’t [HOLD ON, I'M TRYING TO WRITE ALL THIS DOWN. -Ed.].  It is the reboot of it and all of that stuff.  It is David Ayer, who did Training Day.  He wrote it and wants to direct it.  It is there and it is a brilliant script.  It is just waiting for the right moment for the studio to want to make it and finding the right actor.

Do you envision that as a hard R?
Davis:  Yes.  Definitely. Right now the script that is written is a hard R
[source = Collider]

I know I can trust John Davis when he says it’s a “really great script,” because just before this exchange, he told the interviewer that Allan Loeb was a “really great writer.” And Allan Loeb wrote both Wall Street 2 and that movie where Kevin James becomes an MMA fighter to save the rec center (Paul Blart’s Mixed Martial Farts, I like to call it).  Suffice it to say, John Davis is a great pitch man. I thought it was a bad idea at first, but now I’m sold. I’ve even created this promotional poster.

Read the rest of this entry »

My favorite film of Sundance was Brazilian director José Padilha’s Elite Squad 2, which I called, in a not-at-all hyperbolic review, a two-hour Brazilian The Wire on steroids.  As soon as the credits rolled, I figured Hollywood would be trying to give Padilha a jillion dollars to direct their next action remake/prequel/sequel/reboot, and even asked him as much during the Q & A (I’ve included a transcript and audio of the actual exchange below). Today, the Hollywood Reporter says Padilha’s the lead candidate to direct a remake of Robocop for MGM. My God, you guys, do you know what this means?  I just TOLDJA’d the entire internet.

Jose Padilha, the Brazilian director behind the gritty South American Elite Squad movies, is in talks to direct Robocop, the film project which is the reconstituted MGM’s top priority. The studio was meeting with directors last week — others on the list included Robert Rodriguez [*mouth wank*] and David Slade [*fart shrug*] – with Padilha emerging a top cop.
The new MGM is looking to make three pictures to start, two in the $30 million range and one in the $80 million range. Robocop has the latter slot. MGM is also zeroing on writers to pen a new script.
[THR]

Hiring Padilha means at least MGM has taste, and I can’t imagine anyone being able to make a more badass Robocop than this guy, especially if his heart’s in it.  And according to Padilha, he’s not looking for paycheck movies.  This was our exchange at Sundance:

ME: Are you going to continue making awesome movies like [Elite Squad 2] or are you going to take a really big paycheck to make Pirates of the Caribbean 7 or something?

PADILHA: Well let me address this: believe me, you can take a big paycheck out of a movie like this.  This movie is totally independent in a very broad sense, because it was produced by us. And Wagner [lead actor Wagner Moura], who is sitting here with us, is actually one of the producers of the film.  The Screenwriter is a producer.  The people that made the first movie, we got together, and we said let’s make a sequel, but let’s keep it.  So we opened a distribution company with six people in it.  Six people calling theaters, and sending the prints and everything, and it got us a lot of money, so… Not looking for paychecks.

Incidentally, Elite Squad 2 went on to become the highest-grossing Brazilian movie of all time and outgrossed Avatar there. I’m inclined to believe that Padilha wasn’t looking for a big paycheck because I’m trusting like that, but it looks like he found one anyway.  But if as few f*cks are given during the making of Robocop as were given during Elite Squad 2, I will be happy.  And no doubt, so will you.  Friends, trust me when I say that very few f*cks were given during the making of Elite Squad 2.  VERY few f*cks.

Read the rest of this entry »

News broke today that WB would be doing a remake of the Whitney Houston/Kevin Costner chocolate-vanilla love sandwich classic The Bodyguard, which is perfect timing because just yesterday I was saying to a friend, “Hey, remember 1992?”  He punched me in the stomach, so I think it’s pretty clear that he does.

Warner Bros is rebooting its 1992 hit The Bodyguard, the film that paired Kevin Costner with Whitney Houston and became for its time one of the biggest global hits in studio history with a $411 million worldwide gross.

No.  This is a remake, not a reboot.  A reboot is what happens when they’ve already made three sequels, but you start over again with a new storyline and cast, like with Spider-Man.  Yes, that happens often enough that they needed a word for it.  I hate my job.

The film will be scripted by Jeremiah Friedman and Nick Palmer, whose action comedy script Family Getaway made the 2010 Black List and is a priority project at Warner Bros.

The original was a fairly straight ahead tale of a Secret Service agent drafted to protect a singing diva whose life has been threatened by a stalker, then falling for her in a way he fears is a distraction from his job. The new version is similar, including the love story, but here the bodyguard will be a former Iraq war veteran who gets the job protecting the star as his first gig after leaving the Army. He discovers that the world of Twitter, Google Maps and TMZ has made access to celebrities easier than ever, making the job more difficult than ever. [Deadline]

C-TATES: Yo, girl, you gah stop wit all da Tweetin’, fa real.  I learned dat in da Army.

By the way, does anyone else remember that clip from Being Bobby Brown where Whitney Houston is on the toilet constipated and Bobby Brown’s helping her put a suppository in her butt?  I can’t find the clip online, but when I hear “The Bodyguard,” it’s all I can think of.

Read the rest of this entry »

"I'm sorry those kids gave you a mohawk, Patches. I'll play fetch as long as you want."

After a year of lovingly playing the ukulele for Michelle Williams, Baby Goose is about to make the jump to full-fledged action star.  Haha, as long as that’s okay with you, girl.  I promise they’ll all still be rated PG, which according to my personal rating system, stands for “Pure Grins.”

The latest news is that Gosling will play the lead in a remake of Logan’s Run from director Nicholas Winding Refn, who did Bronson and that Viking jiu-jitsu movie.  Refn (F-N IS NOT A VALID CONSONANT BLEND, DAMN YOU!) also directed Baby Goose in Drive, which comes out in September.

Warner Bros is finalizing a deal with Ryan Gosling to reunite with his Drive director Nicolas Winding Refn on Logan’s Run, the remake of the 1976 futuristic drama about a man who tries to outrun a mandatory death sentence that awaits  all 30-year old’s.

ALL 30-YEAR-OLD’S WHAT?  DON’T LEAVE OUT THE MOST IMPORTANT PART!  (Sorry, that was apostrophe humor).

Studios all over town have been offering roles to Gosling, who is eager to reunite with the director he just worked with on Drive,  in which Gosling plays a stunt driver who moonlights as  a heist wheel man [!].

In Logan’s Run, Gosling will play Logan 5, a “Sandman” whose job it was to put to permanent sleep those who try to escape mandatory death, the downside of the blissful existence in the domed city that protects the inhabitants who survived a 23rd Century apocalypse. In the William F. Nolan novel, the age of extinction was 21, but it was changed in the original film to match up with original star Michael York. That age works great for Gosling, who just turned 30. [Deadline]

Hey, girl, I know it sounds scary, but when you think about it, it’s really a story about learning to respect your elders.   I think it’s really important, and I’ve been preparing for it all month by helping your Nana with her bunions.  Haha, she’s such a pistol!  I really think you should call her more, girl.