He loves ’s’. That explains the lisp.
Variety reports that Bryan Singer has signed on to produce (and maybe direct) an Excalibur remake. The 1981 version (trailer below along with a picture of the actual sword) starred Liam Nesson, Helen Mirren, Gabriel Byrne, and Patrick Stewart, among others. I heard from a very reliable source (my subconscious) that Singer’s remake is going to feature lots of teenagers showering.
Excalibur, as most of you probably already know, is the story of King Arthur, who theorized that one could time travel within his own lifetime, and led an elite group of knights around a round table to develop a top-secret project known as Holy Grail. Pressured to prove his theories or lose funding, King Arthur prematurely pulled the magic sword from the stone, and vanished. He awoke to find himself in the past, suffering from partial amnesia and facing a mirror image that was not his own. Fortunately, contact with his own time was maintained through crystal-ball transmissions with Merlin, the project observer, who appears in the form of a hologram, that only King Arthur can see and hear. Trapped in the past, King Arthur finds himself leaping from life to life, putting things right that once went wrong, and hoping each time that his next leap will be the leap home.
Not pictured: the corner
Via Movieweb:
Lionsgate is gearing up for a remake of the 1987 classic Dirty Dancing and has set Julia Dahl (Uptown Girls) to work on the script, according to Production Weekly.
The original starred Patrick Swayze and Jennifer Grey as a young woman in the summer where she meets Johnny Castle (Swayze) who teaches dance at a family Summer Camp and in his off hours Dirty Dances with the other dancers. She learns a routine so that one of the women can recover from an abortion and becomes Johnny’s lover [Ed. - That is dark as hell for a movie my 8-year-old classmates were into].
How are they possibly going to update this? Is Baby going to win a booty shake (NSFW) competition? Is Johnny going to throw dem poak chops? Instead of an abortion, is Johnny’s girlfriend going to be raising money to have 12 embryos implanted so she can get a reality show contract? Oh well, if Julia Dahl messes this up, there’s always barber college.
~ robopanda
A production company that remakes old horror movies is kinda like a meth dealer, and the clientele is largely the same. Platinum Dunes is just such a company. Their latest half-cooked project is a Nightmare on Elm Street remake, and director Samuel Bayer thinks he has a fool-proof plan to make us give a sh*t again. What’s that plan, you ask? MORE XXXXTREEEME!!! MORE BODIES HITTING THE FLOOOOR!!!
Fewer one-liners, more flat-liners. That’s what fans should expect when the rebooted Freddy Krueger shreds his way onto screens in April.
Also: less line reading, more line snorting.
“I don’t think it’s a funny movie. If a character is wisecracking and killing you at the same time, it’s not very funny,” says Samuel Bayer, director of the new A Nightmare on Elm Street. “I’m taking this very seriously.”
“It’s (going to be) darker, more serious, more intense and hopefully scarier,” says Jackie Earle Haley, who inherits the role [after resurrecting his career by playing a wisecracking killer in Watchmen -Ed] from genre icon Robert Englund . [Canoe]
I agree, serious and earnest is definitely the way to go when you’re doing an unnecessary remake. People love that. That’s why when I sing karaoke, I pretend I’m actually the person whose song I’m singing for at least a week ahead of time. And then when I sing the song, I do it better than the original. Because when I sing “I wanna hold your hand,” people know that I really do want to hold the f*ck out of your hand.
I never watched TJ Hooker growing up, but I went to college in San Diego so I’d like to think I know a little something about prostitutes in Mexico. Haha, good one, Jay. Anyway, yeah, they’re making a TJ Hooker movie.
Chuck Russell (”The Scorpion King,” “The Mask”) is in talks to direct. The writing team of Brent Maddock and S.S. Wilson [who, once again, is not a ship] will script the story, which focuses on the relationship between the title character and his father. [Variety]
[Premise of the original series]: After his partner was murdered, veteran plainclothes detective Thomas “T.J.” Hooker (William Shatner) reverted to his former assignment as patrol sergeant, and returned to the beat to rid the streets of the type of criminals responsible for his partner’s death. Back in uniform, Hooker was assigned to train the academy recruits, and was partnered with brash, sometimes hot-headed young rookie Vince Romano (Adrian Zmed). With Romano much his junior, Hooker acted as his mentor on both a professional and social level. The age difference generally being the key hook of the partnership, the pair quickly became fast friends and a good team.
As /Film points out, there was no father in the original series, so…
..I think I can sniff out the gimmick here. This new TJ Hooker will be, I guess, ‘the next generation’. My hunch is that Shatner will return as Thomas Jefferson Hooker, with a younger, comedic actor cast in the role of TJ Jr.
But regardless of who they cast, it will team the guy who directed The Scorpion King with the writers who wrote Wild Wild West. How could it not be good? Because when you’re hiring people in Hollywood, it only matters that you’ve heard of someone, not at all where you’ve heard of him. It’s like telling your wife you picked out a babysitter. “He’s great, it’s pretty lucky the state made him introduce himself when he moved to the neighborhood.” So yeah, writing Wild Wild West = Babyf*cking.
As if we hadn’t already beaten the dead Predator horse and taken a dump inside its skull and used its spine as dildo for homeless people*, Robert Rodriguez is producing ‘Predators’. The latest word is that they’ve hired Nimrod Antal, director of the Hungarian subway movie Kontroll (which was kind of neat), to direct. Rodriguez said of the plot:
I can’t go too much into the story right now, because we’re still writing. But it still involves a very intense group of people stranded on a Predator planet discovering unspeakable horrors (that are not always from outside their group). So like the original movie, the title does have a double meaning. [via a million-word article on AICN]
Kontroll was interesting, but the list of foreign directors who made cool flicks elsewhere only to come to Hollywood and take paychecks to do garbage is long and consonant filled. In fact, the last guy attached to this project was Neil Marshall, who followed the badass Descent with post-apocalyptic car porn Doomsday. Anyway, I think this will be great if by “intense people” they mean Christian Bale and the silent Indian guy from the first Predator and they just growl at each other like dogs for two hours.
*though to be fair, I have heard people say AVP: R is actually pretty kickass.
