Brian DePalma has been pretty quiet since releasing The Black Dahlia in 2006, with his Iraq War protest film Redacted being his most recent work. But he’s returning with a heavy hitter this year in Passion, the remake of the 2010 French film Crime d’amour, starring Rachel McAdams and Noomi Rapace.

*takes out box of Kleenex, kicks out recliner*

All right, what’s this little gem all about now?

The offices of a prominent multinational corporation is the setting for this story of a power struggle between two contemporary women. Isabelle has unlimited admiration for her direct superior, Christine, a woman well-schooled in the ways of power. Christine enjoys holding sway over Isabelle, leads her one step at a time and ever more deeply into a game of seduction and manipulation, of dominance and servitude. The game is played for keeps, and there is no turning back. (Via Coming Soon)

McAdams plays Christine to Rapace’s Isabelle, and the former steals her subordinates ideas, leading Isabelle into a murderous rage or something like that. I’ll be honest, I fainted after “seduction and manipulation” and then my head exploded Scanners-style when I saw the movie’s poster.

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Released in 1974, Uptown Saturday Night told the story of two blue collar dudes played by Bill Cosby and Sidney Poitier who get robbed at an uptown night club, only to find out one of them had a winning lottery ticket in his wallet. They go on a chase to get it back, wackiness ensues. Now Anchorman director Adam McKay is in negotiations to direct a remake, starring Denzel Washington and Will Smith, which seems silly because Bow Wow and Ice Cube already remade this movie and it was called Lottery Ticket.

Overbrook Entertainment has been developing the project. Tim Dowling wrote the most recent draft.
The idea is for McKay to helm the film after he completes a sequel to Anchorman, the Will Ferrell-starrer that Paramount has set for an early 2013 start and 2014 release.
There are plenty of remakes that elicit groans. If this package comes together (Smith and Washington have long wanted to work together), with McKay’s comic sensibility, this redo could be exceptional. The original cast was lined with the likes of Harry Belafonte, Flip Wilson and Richard Pryor, and the remake could follow suit by star-casting the supporting roles. [Deadline]

Yes, that’s one way to look at it. Another way to look at it is that squeaky clean Will Smith wouldn’t even do Quentin Tarantino’s movie, and if his production company is the one writing and developing this, I have hard time imagining it being anything but incredibly milquetoast. Not to mention, all of Adam McKay’s movies so far have leaned heavily on the improv skills of people like Will Ferrell and John C. Reilly, who are basically the best in the world at improv, whereas Denzel Washington and Will Smith are actors who are kind of funny sometimes. And this is neither here nor there, but I really wish there was an Urban Dictionary definition for a “Harry Belafonte.”

Hairy Belafonte is Kimbo Slice’s porn name.

[picture source]

Oh sure, no one liked MY pitch for the remake.

HEY, REMEMBER THE 80s?!? Hollywood sure does. They’ll be adding Dirty Dancing (1987) to the remake pile soon enough (was the public’s appetite not sated by Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights or Dirty Dancing: Capoeira Nights?!). A remake has been in the works since at least 2009, but the latest plan is for High School Musical‘s Kenny Ortega (who also choreographed the original) to direct from a script by just-hired Glee co-creator Brad Falchuk.

The Lionsgate remake will incorporate classic songs from the 1960s, hits from the original film and brand new compositions.
“High School Musical” helmer Kenny Ortega, the original film’s choreographer, will direct as well as produce. Eleanor Bergstein, who wrote and co-produced the original pic, will also be involved in a producing and consulting capacity. [Variety]

Patrick Swayze famously made it okay for tough guys to dance in the original, and with the director of High School directing a remake from a script by the guy from Glee, it seems all but impossible to find someone manly enough to play the lead this time around. They might have to get the actual Truckasaurus. Of course, there’s always C-Tates. He recently gave Elton John a lap dance, but I imagine this will be way gayer than that.

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I’ve always had a soft spot in my heart for the 1987 Mark Harmon-starring Summer School, not because it was a good movie, but because it had a dog in sunglasses on the cover, which is always radical (he was sort of the proto-Marmaduke). The sad news is, that dog is most likely long dead, filling up a grave somewhere next to Mark Harmon, and now Paramount is pissing on his dog corpse by hiring Adam Sandler to produce the remake.

Happy Madison, the production banner run by Adam Sandler and Jack Giaraputo [that's Spanish for "Jar of puto" -Ed], is in negotiations to come aboard to produce Paramount’s planned remake of Summer School.
School was a light 1987 comedy directed by Carl Reiner that starred Mark Harmon as a gym teacher forced to cancel his summer plans and teach an English class filled with oddballs and rebels. The film also featured a young Courtney Thorne-Smith.
Sandler is not attached to star in the project, which soon will hire writers.
Paramount has been trying to remake the film since 2005, but the project has been stuck in development detention.  [THR]

Wait, did you say development DETENTION?

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Starring Christopher Lloyd as kooky scientist, Gary Busey as crazy guy who eats piranhas, Ving Rhames as black guy with guns for legs, and David Hasselhoff as David Hasselhoff, the trailer for Piranha 3DD appears below. The big question coming into this was whether the franchise would be able to soldier on without original director Alexander Aja under replacement John Gulager. The entire trailer consists of women getting either water or fish shot at their boobs, butt, and vaginas, so it looks like fears were unfounded. Unless you’re a vagina, in which case, be very afraid.

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