It was just the other day that we were getting excited about the mere possibility of a Trainspotting sequel, when here we are today with a full red-band trailer for Filth, an adaptation of another post-Trainspotting novel by Irvine Welsh. I cannae believe me good luck. To be honest, I never expected to see a clean, sweet boy like James McAvoy playing Bruce Robertson, the filthiest filth of filth, who spends half the first-person novel complaining about his various ball rots and venereal diseases – the only piece of literature I’ve ever read that includes a child-like drawing of a penis. But here he is toplining the Welsh adaptation (which probably made getting it financed a lot easier) from director Jon S. Baird. Baird is also Scottish, so this may require subtitles. RopeofSilicon calls it a “Scottish Bad Lieutenant,” and having read the book, I can’t say that that’s inaccurate. Check out the trailer below, but beware of cursing and brief nudity. I kid, I’m sure you’re used to it.

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We talk about Ryan Gosling being a sweet boy so often that people probably just think it’s all a big joke. But you can’t ignore the fact that directors who work with him always seem to want to work with him again. There was Derek Cianfrance in Blue Valentine and again for his very next movie in Place Beyond the Pines, and now there’s Nicolas Winding Refn going back-to-back Baby Goose in Drive and now Only God Forgives. I like to imagine these directors work with him, and then Baby Goose goes home and the directors get all sad and lonely, so they secretly take the shirt he wore home from wardrobe and sleep with it, and then they dream about him all night and wake up with the room smelling like butter and maple syrup. It’s Baby Goose magic. He’s like Santa Claus, only cuter.

Only God Forgives is set in Thailand, but other than that it seems to follow the basic Drive formula: brutal violence mixed with Baby Goose looking like a forlorn puppy, and a heavy dose of bleakness offset with sweet and oddly well-matched music. It’s funny, if I try to explain Drive, it mostly sounds like a pretentious hunk of shit – mostly plotless, hardly any dialog, characters that are all weird and broken, wildly implausible crime scenes – and yet the way the scenes are put together, I’m on the edge of my seat giggling and can’t wait for the next one. I don’t know how Refn does it. The possibility for intense, brutal violence mixed with an odd mood and pleasant pacing shouldn’t be that compelling on its own, but damn if it isn’t. Opens July 19th.

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Michael Bay’s “Point Break with bodybuilders” movie, Pain and Gain, starring Mahky Mahk and The Rock, has a new red-band trailer out which you can watch below. It’s everything you’d expect from a Michael Bay movie: beautifully-shot, borderline pornographic scenery where everyone’s either a buff hero, a hot chick, or a shrill caricature. Guess which one Ken Jeong is! Ahh, the world of Michael Bay, where you can’t have so much as a bank teller or bus driver without him being an asinine attempt at comic relief. I fully believe Michael Bay moves through life instantly, silently categorizing everyone he meets. “Slut. Clown. Slut. Clown. Clown. Slut. Slut. Slut. Clown. Slut. Clown. Slut. Clown. Clown. Clown. Clown. Slut. Clown. Slut. Slut. Slut. Clown...”

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Kick-Ass 2 will hit theaters on August 16, and that is not soon enough. It should be today. F*ck that, it should be yesterday. It should be every day until my eyes and brain hold an intervention for me to get me to stop watching it, because based on the red band trailer that hit the cat tubes today, this movie is going to be incredible.

Check out the trailer after the jump, as our best friend in the whole wide world, Christopher Mintz-Plasse, becomes the evil supervillain The Motherf*cker. Also, Jim Carrey. Jesus. Someone get his Academy Award ready. Seriously, if you don’t laugh at “Yeah, there’s a dog on your balls”, well, I’m afraid you might be dead.

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James Franco and Harmony Korine made a movie about Disney Channel teenyboppers who get half naked and rob banks, and now it has a restricted trailer (slightly NSFW for the briefest of nipularity), and better believe I’m going to post it. Spring Breakers opens March 22, so start getting lubed up to receive your inevitable dicknosing. That’s Selena Gomez, Vanessa Hudgens, Ashley Benson, and Rachel Korine up top. Rachel Korine looks pretty great for someone who had a kid in 2008, but I think Ashley Benson is my favorite. Though that could just be because she has the least amount of fabric covering her lower half. I am a simple man.

Brit (Ashley Benson), Candy (Vanessa Hudgens), Cotty (Rachel Korine) and Faith (Selena Gomez) have been best friends since grade school. They live together in a boring college dorm and are hungry for adventure. All they have to do is save enough money for spring break to get their shot at having some real fun. A serendipitous encounter with rapper “Alien” (James Franco) promises to provide the girls with all the thrill and excitement they could hope for. With the encouragement of their new friend, it soon becomes unclear how far the girls are willing to go to experience a spring break they will never forget.

Oh boy, seeing how far college girls will go used to be my favorite thing! Anyway, I can’t wait. And I can’t believe none of this made it into James Franco’s Obama poem. You write about talking Borges with Christopher Hitchens but not partying with half naked teens in Florida? You’ve changed, bro.

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