Rebooting Robocop as an origin story seemed like a terrible idea, but then MGM hired the director of the pants-poopingly awesome Elite Squad 2 (Jose Padilha) to direct, and suddenly it like only a mildly terrible idea. (Pants Poopingly is Benedict Cumberbatch’s cousin, by the way).  This week, they hired Gran Torino writer Nick Schenk to work on the script. Which is, uh… good?

“DROP IT, GOOK.”

MGM has hired Gran Torino screenwriter Nick Schenk to work on the screenplay for RoboCop.
The CAA-repped Schenk had been working with Padilha, who co-wrote and directed Elite Squad: The Enemy Within, on the action thriller Tri-Border. The writer also has the original drama The Judge set up at Warner Bros. with Team Downey producing. [THR]

They say he was hired to “work on” the screenplay, but as far as I can tell, there hasn’t been another writer since David Self when Darren Aronofsky was still attached, so I’m assuming this script will be totally new. As far as Gran Torino, it was such a mixed bag of a movie, it’s hard to know whether it was only good because Eastwood called people “gook” 12 million times, or if it would’ve been ten times better if only old-man Eastwood would’ve let the first-time actor Hmong kids he hired off the street do more than one rehearsal take before he broke for dinner at 3:30 pm.

FUN FACT: This is neither here nor there, but Schenk holds a previous writing credit on a DVD called “The Best of Dr. Sphincter.”

"Neither of us will have jobs in 10 years!"

In case you missed it, I recently wrote a feature about Hollywood’s love affair with using the Cold War as a backdrop in films, and one of the movies that I highlighted was Police Academy: Mission to Moscow, the seventh and final Police Academy film, released in 1994. Of that movie, I joked:

I’m really shocked, actually, that Aaron Seltzer and Jason Friedberg haven’t been put in charge of re-launching this turd farm that sank when Steve Guttenberg flew away in a hot air balloon.

And just like my prediction about a “Where’s Waldo?” movie, I’m now learning the hard way that I need to stop joking.

New Line Cinema has set Scott Zabielski to direct Police Academy, its remake of the long-running film series that started at Warner Bros in 1984 and spanned seven films.

(Via Deadline)

You’re probably asking yourself, “Why God why?” right now, but if you’re not, you’re likely asking, “Who the hell is Scott Zabielski?” Don’t worry, he’s totally qualified to take on the task of remaking a film franchise that had one great movie, two decent movies, and four mailed in retreads, because he directs episodes of “Tosh.0″, the show that features Daniel Tosh standing in front of a green screen and explaining YouTube videos.

Somewhere, Michael Winslow is making the greatest fart noise the world has ever heard.

"Is my career in there?"

Paul Verhoeven’s 1997 classic, Starship Troopers, is either a brilliant satire of a terrible movie or a brilliantly terrible movie, depending on whom you ask. And while fans seemingly would have already gotten their fill of giant bugs and Jumpball from two direct-to-DVD sequels, Sony, along with Fast/Furious producer Neil Moritz, have decided it’s high time for a reboot of the franchise (that’s industry talk for a remake of the original that ignores the stories of the sequels). In related news, Casper Van Dien’s offer to suck your dick for a corndog still stands. “Please,” he said, “I’m so hungry…”

Moritz has assigned the script to screenwriters Ashley Edward Miller and Zack Stentz, who, among other things, wrote Thor and X-Men: First Class, as well as many episodes of the TV shows Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles and Fringe. Of course, they also wrote Agent Cody Banks. [Vulture]

How dare you! Anyone with half a brain knows that Agent Cody Banks was actually a scathing critique of the proto-fascist tendencies of the cloak and dagger milieu, NOT TO MENTION a frolicsome send up of the post-corporate, Malcolm in the Middle middle class. In any case, I think the choice for a new Johnny Rico is obvious: Kellen Lutz. Kellen Lutz is the Casper Van Dien of the post-post-9/11 era.

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American Reunion has a new trailer out, and it looks like Stifler is up to his old tricks again! You’ll be happy to know that that lovable scamp still loves beers and ladies — incorrigible! Meanwhile, his mom is still hot and slutty, flutes play a factor, and Katrina Bowden shows up as Oz’s girlfriend, reprising her role as “boring blonde.”

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He flip you

Back in 2008, Universal replaced director Mark Romanek with Joe Johnston just a few months before Wolf Man (starring Benicio Del Toro) was set to begin shooting. The film turned out to be what some analysts call “a beeg fawken piece of sheet”, and ended up earning $139 million worldwide on an estimated $150 million budget. (Johnston collected his check and moved onto Captain America, which also wasn’t very good, but I’m sure he’ll go on to direct even more mediocre movies, because Hollywood is apparently a lot like Wall Street). Then in June, we heard Universal was planning to reboot the movie they made barely a year before and call it “Werewolf,” because wolves are so hot right now thanks to that twink-ish alpaca, Taylor Lautner.

The good news is that that reboot/remake/sequel/reimagining/whatever you want to call it is now going straight to DVD. From the press release:

There’s no safe place to hide as the all-new supernatural Untitled Werewolf Thriller begins principal photography in and around Bucharest, Romania. Universal celebrates its storied history of creatures and horror with an exhilarating original adventure that embraces the popular cultural resurgence of the age-old werewolf myth. Breathtaking action and nail-biting suspense collide as an army of bounty hunters descend on a tiny hamlet in search of the most terrifying monster they have ever fought. The latest entry in the hugely successful DVD Originals™ line from Universal 1440 Entertainment, a production entity of Universal Studios Home Entertainment, Untitled Werewolf Thriller will be released on Blu-ray™, DVD, Digital Download and On Demand in time for Halloween 2012. |Slashfilm|

It will be directed by Louis Morneau, whose credits include such blockbusters as Joy Ride 2: Dead Ahead; The Hitcher II: I’ve Been Waiting; and Bats, and it’s set to star even more people you’ve never heard of. To make a long story short, it’s a positive setback for the current Hollywood push towards reboots and remakes that’s been going on for the last few years. Though I do enjoy that they were able to write that entire press release, complete with full cast, synopsis, and release date, before they even bothered to give it a title.

“Try our new artisan hot pockets! Developed by Hormel and celebrity chef Wolfgang Puck to be spicy enough for a man, pH-balanced for a woman. We call it ‘Untitled Beef Tube.’ Coming to gas stations and convenience stores this spring.”