This won’t be the first time I’ve offered to fight anyone who’s mean to Rebecca Black, but in case anyone asks, THE OFFER STILL STANDS! Kii-yigh! (*karate kicks air, cats flee in terror, hits self in nuts with nunchuks*) But in all seriousness, she seemed really nice when she was on Leno, she said she was donating most of the proceeds from her video to tsunami victims, and how much can you really hate a girl for a song she didn’t write which isn’t half as annoying as your average Maroon 5 song anyway? Unfortunately Rebecca Black is learning an important lesson the hard way: 13-year-olds are huge dicks. She’s apparently gotten bullied so much that her mom pulled her out of school. …Oh God, please let that be the reason her mom pulled her out of school…

Their taunting has finally resulted in Black being pulled from school.
Black’s mother has decided to home school the 14-year-old from now on, a new decision which also allows more time to focus on her daughter’s career [aw, crap. -Ed]. But the teen seems zen about her alarming circumstances. The online anti-Rebecca comments became so violent at one point the FBI became involved when Black started receiving death threats. But now that the bullying has branched off the internet and into her real life, Black has been forced to act.

How would you like to be the FBI agent working that case? “So, what are you working on?” “Counter-terrorism, mostly. Espionage, that kind of stuff. How about you?” “…Uh, I scour YouTube comments for death threats against Rebecca Black.”

In an interview with ABC, Black opens up about the real-life, non-Internet-based criticism she receives. “When I walk by, they’ll start singing ‘Friday’ in a really nasally voice,” she tells ABC. “Or, you know, they’ll be like, ‘Oh hey, Rebecca, guess what day it is?’”

Jesus, I hope the supposedly so-bad-she-had-to-quit-school bullying was worse than that, because that sounds pretty tame. I know someone whose name was “The Dog-Faced Gremlin” for like 10 years.

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Looks like someone kept it a little too real. [via Kontraband, thanks for the tip, Pauly]

MORNING LINKS

Facebook Fail-Log Special Edition: Dateline Japan. |Uproxx|

Team Rocket In Real Life: The Dead On Cosplay Photography of Malro-Doll. |GammaSquad|

Feature: The Worst of Hollywood Shorthand. |FilmDrunk|

“Adult babies” are pret-tay, pret-tay weird. |WarmingGlow|

Best Of The 2011 Pole Dancing Championship. |WithLeather|

LOLNFL: The NFL Draft (Part 1). |KSK|

10 Incredibly Minor But Hilarious Mighty Boosh Characters. |ToplessRobot|

PICTURED: Rebecca Black’s “Friday” as a flow chart. |thanks, Scott, via LifeHacker|

Guy on the subway tries to start “USA!” chant.  Fails miserably.  Wait until people have their coffee, A-hole. |TheDailyWhat|

Vote for the hottest roommates. |BostonStool|

So Guess Where This Woman Was Hiding Two Knives And A Bottle Of Pills. |Buzzfeed|

Aw, Andy Dick got arrested again. I like Andy Dick. There, I said it. |TheSuperficial|

Can this super drunk dude stand up?? It’s more about the journey than the destination. |GorillaMask|

Lindsay might go to jail, is definitely wearing a see-through shirt with no bra. |WWTDD|

Kate Upton is nice looking. |HolyTaco|

Jennifer Lawrence pictures. |Clutch|

Peter Jackson finds two more Hobbity-looking dudes. |ScreenJunkies|

NOMINATE FOR COMMENTS OF THE WEEK. BUY FILMDRUNK SHIRTS. THE FROTCAST (OUR PODCAST) ON iTUNES. FILMDRUNK ON FACEBOOK. FILMDRUNK ON TWITTER.

Here’s a version of Rebecca Black’s “Friday” based on a badly-interpreted lip reading of the video.  It’s not only hilarious, but interesting that the makers created an equally-catchy, equally-meaningless pop song in an afternoon without auto-tune. |Buzzfeed|

MORNING LINKS

Week In Review: Twitter Lessons, Stripper Poles And More Rebecca Black. |Uproxx|

The Dugout: Pittsburgh Pirates Spring Training 2011 (Not Really). |WithLeather|

On The First Annual Hoop & Hang Presented By Hardknock TV, The Smoking Section & Nike Basketball. |SmokingSection|

This Week’s Best Mashup & Parody Videos. |GammaSquad|

‘Simpsons’ Vs. ‘Family Guy’: Who Stole Which Jokes? |WarmingGlow|

Finger banged by Jesus. |TheDailyWhat|

Russell Simmons thinks we’re being unfair to Chris Brown, is an insane blowhard. |TheSuperficial|

Grading the latest teacher/student sex scandal. |BostonBarstoolSports|

PICTURED: This guy seems legit. |via SomeECards|

FilmDrunk on Facebook. FilmDrunk on Twitter. The Frotcast on iTunes. Comments of the week. FilmDrunk Shirts

Katherine Heigl in a yuppie sweater, drinking Chardonnay with a bitchy look on her face. Yup, sounds about right. |WWTDD|

25 vintage Houdini posters. |HolyTaco|

Five shows that should’ve been canceled before Lights Out. |ScreenJunkies|

Why Aren’t There More Movies About Kick-Ass Girl Gangs? |Moviefone|

Fenway Park to Install Sci-Fi ‘Bottoms Up’ Beer Pouring System To Get Fans Drunker Faster |BroBible|

[don't worry, this is the death metal version, and it rules]

I’m not going to lie to you folks, although entertainment news is generally trivial and boring as a rule, there were some worthy stories in the last couple days that I couldn’t fully insert myself into (UNNNNGGGH). I’m not done for the day, but here’s a rundown to bring us up to speed.

Rebecca Black is a millionaire (or not).  People were up in arms this morning after a writer at Forbes estimated that Rebecca Black had made more than $1 million for her “Friday” video. Turns out it’s more like $24,900, which is still a pretty awesome Bat Mitsvah present.  People get pissed about this stuff, but I don’t really see why. Intentionally or not, she made a video that brought me a lot of joy, and that’s more than I can say for the majority of people who more money than me.  And all irony, or whatever you want to call it aside, if you don’t honestly think “Friday” (which cost $2,000) is better than Kim Kardashian’s first single (which probably cost 50 times that and was created by a famous hip-hop producer), you should cut off your ears and stuff them in your ass.

Albert Brooks to play Paul Rudd’s father in Apatow flick.  I love everything about that sentence.  Albert Brooks is rightly revered as a comedy god, and having him play Paul Rudd’s father gives hope to poor, be-Jewfro’d souls such as myself that our children might escape our terrible affliction. Also, how did Albert Brooks (whose real name is Albert Einstein, incidentally) get a normal voice? His brother Super Dave sounds like he got throat-raped by an acid-dicked dragon. [Deadline]

José Padilha confirms Robocop rumors. YAAAAAY… for the Robocop remake. BOOOOO… for us missing whatever awesome Brazilian thing he was planning to make before this came along. Still no word on when Elite Squad 2, which just played in Miami and Berlin, will get a US theatrical release. Though it’s already on Blu-ray if you speak Portuguese.  I guess we’ll just have to wait patiently while it makes its way here, like we did with the hairless vagina. [DigitalSpy]

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Whoever had both the familiarity with Zardoz and the energy to make a dog-scale Zardoz costume… well I think it goes without saying that that person is our nation’s greatest hero.   [via - Thanks, Johnny L]

MORNING LINKS

Are T- Mobile And AT&T Really Merging? |Uproxx|

10 Recent Facebook Fails |Uproxx|

Don’t Know What Ellen Page Is Doing Here, But I Approve. |GammaSquad|

Dave Grohl On ‘Glee’: “F**k That.” |WarmingGlow|

Talking Rebecca Black, the racist UCLA girl, and Guy Fieri on the latest Frotcast. This week’s scheduled guest: Parry Gripp. Get excited. |Frotcast|

The SmokingSection’s SXSW In Photos. |TheSmokingSection|

St. Paddy’s Day is like Christmas for people who like watching drunk fight videos. |BostonBarstoolSports|

Paraplegic crime fighter busting illegal parkers. Sounds more like a paraplegic dick to me. |PhillyBarstoolSport|

Bloody Loco would like you to recognize that he is Bloody Loco. |TheDailyWhat|

The best Bollywood action sequences ever filmed. |UnrealityMag|

Worst metal band ever rocks middle school. |GorillaMask|

Art By Atomic Bomb Survivors In Japan. |Buzzfeed|

Taylor Momsen Will See Miley’s Lesbian Kiss and Raise Her All This Stuff. Who the hell is this chick again? |TheSuperficial|

This week’s TV power rankings. |Pajiba|

CBS wants Charlie Sheen back.  I hope he makes thing kiss his warlock rings. |WWTDD|

I’m disappointed in you, Supermoon.  |HolyTaco|

HBO working on a show about Dick Cheney. |ScreenJunkies|

FilmDrunk on Facebook. FilmDrunk on Twitter. The Frotcast on iTunes. Comments of the week. FilmDrunk Shirts