[If you watch one psychotically-unhinged election day reaction video today, let it be the Angry Butterscotch Schnapps Lady, originally titled "Obama was Re-Elected - I'm pissed," the better parts of which I've hepfully transcribed below. Sadly, she disabled embedding on her video just as I was finishing this post, but you absolutely MUST watch the video here - NSFW for language].

At first when someone sent me this video of some angry lady in a dark room swearing at her computer about how libertarians had handed the election to Obama (“Gary Johnson-votin’ douchebags!”), I thought, “Why are you sending me this?” I don’t know who this person is, she’s yet another person way too emotional about teh POLITIX. But then I kept watching, and the more I did, the more the video – or more accurately, the audio occasionally augmented with video – became… dare I say it… magical. There’s just so much pathos in this rage, it’s intoxicating. I haven’t seen anything like it since Winnebago Man. Just to give you a taste, part of the YouTube description reads “Thanks a bunch, Paulqaeda.” I think this deserves repeating:

THANKS A BUNCH, PAULQAEDA.

I want that tattooed on a baby.

QUOTABLES:

Get the F*CK off the internet! You are of NO USE!

You wanna call me unhinged? I AM! YOU’RE RIGHT!

The people who got the free Obama phones, the people who thought he was going to pay for their gas…

I swear, and I don’t give a F*CK WHO HEARS IT!

I don’t have children. I live alone. I can spend all of my FREE time, dedicated to working ONline. And all of the hours I’ve spent online, working FOR YOU PEOPLE, and you people don’t even SHARE THE SH*T I POST!

You don’t LIKE on Youtube, or you SAY you liked it on Youtube, but you don’t, because I can SEE IT REFLECTED IN THE GODDAMN RESULTS ON MY YOUTUBE CHANNEL! “THUMBS UP,” you’ll write in the comments section! But GUESS WHAT?! That doesn’t COUNT! ON YOUTUBE!

FIGURE OUT how to use the F*CKING INTERNET, or else GET OFF OF IT!

That’s not to say I have all the answers, BECAUSE I CERTAINLY DON’T!

I’ve got CHIPS over here, because that’s what I had for SUPPER tonight! With my CHEESE dip! That was my SUPPER, thank you very much!

My BEER, and my GOD DAMN BUTTERSCOTCH SCHNAPPS. Wah wah wa, EAT ME.

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I realize FilmDrunk is ostensibly a movie-humor site, but I’ve long considered adult films as a subdivision of films as a whole, and thus part of my mandate. And I suppose Kim Kardashian’s sex tape with Ray J is a kind of an adult film, so I say that counts too. In any case, you’ll thank me later, because this is great. It’s three grandmothers watching Kim Kardashian’s sex tape. It comes from a guy named Hugh Herman on YouTube (via Reddit, Gawker), and I can’t tell you if the grandmas are real or actresses or how staged it is, but if they are acting, they do a damned fine job. Hey, have I mentioned “KIM KARDASHIAN’S SEX TAPE” yet? Because Kim Kardashian’s sex tape. (*cashes check from Google, buys jeweled sweatpants*)

Just watch it. It’s good.

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There’s a lot to love in this music video dedicated to a girl who really likes Harry Potter (Quotable: “Harry Potter changed my life, and I have NO idea how to deal with it.”). But if you put a gun to my head and told me I had to choose a favorite moment, it would probably be at the 9-second mark, when there’s a brief-but-unmistakable shot of a dog taking a dook in the background:

OH GOD YES, AN OUT-OF-CONTEXT, BACKGROUND DOG DOOK! THE BEST! I’m pretty lukewarm on the whole Harry Potter franchise, mainly because I’m way too far behind and I don’t have six months to burn catching up on the mythology. But if they’d only trained a few dogs to walk through the background randomly taking huge dumps every five or ten minutes, I would watch that in a heartbeat. Such an easy fix! Will it be wet? Will it be solid? Ooh, there he is, look at him squat! Get on it, Hollywood.  Anyway, it’s tempting to make fun of this girl, but to be honest, I felt the same way when I got down to the last few episodes of The Wire.

[via Rhett&Link, Commercial Kings]

UPDATE: The video initially got pulled not long after I first posted this, but it should work now.

I hadn’t gotten around to posting the trailer for Devil (watch it after the jump), a horror movie from Universal on which M. Night Shyamalan gets story credit. I thought it was a little weird that the trailer would so proudly advertise M. Shyammy’s involvement for all the world to see the same week that people were comparing watching his Last Airbender to being the subject in a human centipede experiment.  It just doesn’t seem like something you’d want, or need, to publicize. “See this butt plug?  This was Hitler‘s butt plug.”

Anyway, FilmDrunkard Patrick was at a screening of Inception recently, where he filmed the audience’s reaction to the Devil trailer that played before it.  Their response to “From the mind of M. Night Shyamalan” bit at the 15-second mark is priceless.  Someone should cast Shyamalan in a show set at a bar like Cheers. He could be like the reverse Norm who’s always showing up to ruin everyone’s time.

“Look everyone, Manny’s here!”

“AWWWWWWWWW!”

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With all the hubbub and abstinence and wombs made of felt surrounding the Twilight phenomenon, often overlooked are the real victims: the cats forced to watch against their will.  This video, cats reacting to the Twilight: New Moon trailer from TheFabLife, shines a spotlight on those all-too-often invisible victims.  The result is simple, yet moving.  Hey wait a second, was that Wilford Brimley?

Pff, you can’t sneak a Brimleycat by me.