“Hey, God’s laughing at us!”

If you ask me, there’s no greater way of branding a movie a failure than by including it in the annual FilmDrunk Worst Movies feature, but some more traditional people believe that the Razzies are actually the ultimate decider of cinematic disgust and scorn. Either way, it’s no secret that Hollywood produces some incredibly horrible movies each year, and many of them come from repeat offenders. Thankfully, the Razzies keep track of these miscreants and their horrible films so that we can hurl figurative feces in their direction each February.

The one glaring difference between my Worst Movies feature and the Razzies, though, is that while I have sworn to exclude Happy Madison films out of fairness to the other movies that were legitimately terrible, the Golden Raspberry Award Foundation thrives in its contempt for all things Adam Sandler. Sandler’s not alone, though, as the Razzies committee has quite a few recurring targets, and this year’s nominations are hardly going to shock you.

[Vince's Note: I hate the Razzies. The most impressive thing about the Razzies is that they've been around since 1981 and have yet to make a single interesting or ballsy nomination. I might respect them if I thought they actually watched a lot of movies and voted for their worst, but instead they just choose the movies that are most socially acceptable to hate and hope someone in the cast will show up to their dopey ceremony. What's the point?]

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The Razzies was founded in 1981 by copywriter and publicist John Wilson, and every year they hand out awards to the most obvious, low-hanging fruit of bad movies, I suspect as a pandering method of self-promotion. And what fruit hangs lower than Adam Sandler? Tell us, Golden Raspberry, what brave stand have you taken this year?

With three critically-panned movies released by his Happy Madison Productions, Adam Sandler totally dominates the list of contenders for The 32nd Annual RAZZIE Awards. Sandler has more than doubled Eddie Murphy’s old record for the most nominations accrued by an individual in a single year. As an actor, writer and/or producer on JACK & JILL, BUCKY LARSON and JUST GO WITH IT, the former SNL star has amassed a whopping 11 RAZZIE nods, dis-honoring last year’s Worst Achievements in Film.

Leading the pack for Worst Picture is Sandler’s cross-dressing comedy JACK & JILL, which received 12 nods in all (becoming only the 4th film in the Tacky Trophy’s history ever to get more dings than the awards have categories). Besides having the inside track to “win” the top award, JILL is also contending for Sandler as Worst Actor (as male twin Jack) Katie Holmes as Worst Supporting Actress (playing Jack’s wife) and former Oscar regular Al Pacino, nabbing his third RAZZIE nod for playing “himself” as being madly in love with Sandler’s female twin. Sandler is also nominated for Worst Actress for playing the role of Jill and, should he “win,” and choose to follow in the footsteps of previous “winners” Halle Berry (CATWOMAN) and Sandra Bullock (ALL ABOUT STEVE) Sandler could potentially become the first “winner” who literally has the balls to accept a Worst Actress RAZZIE.

Haha, ouch, my sides! Hilarious play on the word “literally,” you must write for a living! You guys seem like perfect judges of comedy. Sorry, I’m not trying to argue that Jack and Jill and Bucky Larson don’t probably suck, but the Razzies have always bugged me. They always just make the least controversial, most expected choices of crappy movies, seemingly on reputation alone. I’m not sure they even watch them. It seems more like the “Hey, I heard that sucked!” awards, presented in the hopes a celebrity might legitimize them by showing up. The only people who spoof bad comedy in a less funny way than the Razzies are Seltzer and Friedberg. Ooh, Adam Sandler broke the record for most nominations in your made-up lame awards show? Amazing! That’ll be the first entry in the Guinness Book of Mouth Farts I’m writing, if I can just stop wanking dismissively long enough to hold a pen.

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I don’t usually like to cover the Razzies, because I’m kind of opposed to them in spirit.  There are a thousand terrible movies that come out every year, and even limiting it to just major-release films, there’s no way the Razzie voters saw even half of them, which means the awards basically come down to what’s most popular to hate, and there’s something vaguely icky and Seltzer-Friedbergian about that to me. That said, they did choose The Last Airbender as the year’s worst movie, and I have a hard time imagining anything worse (and I saw Big Momma’s House 3 last week).

“Winners” were determined by mailing ballots to 637 voters in 46 U.S. states and 17 foreign countries. Electronic voting and certification of this year’s Final RAZZIE® Ballot was handled by Vote-Now.com.

Like I said, there’s no real rhyme or reason, it’s just a People’s Choice Awards in reverse.

Worst Picture Winner 2010
The Last Airbender

Worst Actor Winner 2010
Ashton Kutcher (Killers and Valentine’s Day)

I’m sure both of those movies are terrible and I wouldn’t mind seeing Ashton Kutcher get kicked in the nuts by a donkey, but was he really the worst actor?  The answer of course is no, Paul Walker had a movie out last year.

Worst Actress Winner 2010
Sarah Jessica Parker, Kim Cattrall, Kristin Davis & Cynthia Nixon (Sex and the City 2)

Worst Supporting Actor Winner 2010
Jackson Rathbone (The Last Airbender and Twilight Saga: Eclipse)

Jackson Rathbone might be a terrible actor, but it’s hard to tell.  DeNiro would look like an idiot too if he had to wear outfits like these:

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Sandra Bullock showed up to the Razzie Awards in Hollywood Saturday night.  They gave her a trophy, and in return she gave them All About Steve DVDs.  What a bitch.

“I think this is an extraordinary award.  I didn’t realize that this is the only award in Hollywood where if you say you’ll show up, you get it…
Something tells me you all didn’t watch the film.  Because I wouldn’t be here if you’d all actually watched the film and understood what we were doing here.”

Her intent aside, she just busted them on the two things that have always bugged me about the Razzies.  Well done, Sandy.  Anyway, then she said she was giving everyone DVDs and…

“I will show up next year, IF, you promise to watch the movie, and really consider if it was, really and truly, the worst performance.  If you’re willing to do this, I will come back next year and give back the Razzie.

“I also heard over the wire that Brad Cooper and myself won best couple.  Again, if you had seen the film, it’s pretty much a film about a woman stalking a man.  That doesn’t really set up the premise of a loving couple.  So to give us the worst couple award, is kind of a ‘Duh.’”

Two things: That it doesn’t really set up the premise of a loving couple is kind of why everyone thought the movie was so crappy, wasn’t it?  I mean, it was kind of weird being asked to laugh at an autistic woman who chokes on her seatbelt when she tries to attack Brad Cooper, no?  Secondly, as far as people confusing stalking for a loving relationship… have you heard of Twilight?

Post script: This is neither here nor there, but I think my favorite YouTube Comment was from “angloempire” who writes, “get in the kitchen you slut.”  Ah, YouTube.

[video via BestWeekEver]