^{Two new Punisher: War Zone trailers after the jump} 

Hollywood keeps right on making Punisher movies, and the movies keep right on sucking.  Punisher: War Zone will be the third try (first one in 1989 with Dolph Lundgren, second in 2004 with Thomas Jane), this time with Ray Stevenson (whom I admit was pretty badass in Rome) in the lead.  It’s a good thing they hired a director I’ve never heard of because otherwise I’d be worried they’d just screw it up again.

I liked this better when DMX was in it.

Regular trailer:

R-Rated version:

Wow, a shitty white-trash rap-metal soundtrack, I never would’ve seen that coming. It’s cool though, rap-metal is like Fox racing gear and armband tattooes in that it never gets old.  Hi, bodies?  Meet floor.

This is the trailer for Punisher: The Other Ones Sucked But We Keep Making Them Anyway Because We’re Fucking Dense War Zone, starring Ray Stevenson and directed by some chick no one’s heard of.

I love Ray Stevenson and was a huge fan of Rome, but someone needs to tell Marvel that Punisher movies always end up sucking.  I don’t know why.  Maybe Jesus decreed it on the cross. 

Punisher: War Zone, aka Punisher: We Hope This One Doesn’t Suck As Hard as the Last Two, has just about finished casting the central players. It’s schedule to begin shooting next month in Montreal.

According to Hollywood Reporter, Punisher Ray Stevenson (Rome) will be joined by Dominic West of the Wire, who will play Jigsaw, "a mob assassin whose face was torn to shreds and stitched back together like a jigsaw puzzle."  Doug Hutchison, that one guy from that one movie, will play "LBJ aka Looney Bin Jim, a chemically unbalanced lunatic who considers the world his own private killing field and goes on a maniacal rampage." And Newman from Seinfeld (Wayne Knight) will play "Microchip, the Punisher’s armorer and confident — the man who supplies him with his stockpile of weapons and one of the few people who knows the Punisher’s true identity."

I’m against this movie in principle – you don’t get to keep remaking the same property over and over again just because the last one sucked.  Otherwise you end up with 60-year-old Rambo.  But I have to admit casting Titus Pullo from Rome was a solid decision.  A man who can smile in another man’s face and then bite off his tongue is a man who can win my heart.  I’m old fashioned like that, I guess.