As Hunter Thompson showed us this morning, there’s nothing wrong with writing candidly in a cover letter to a prospective employer.  Daryl here is an earnest and energetic leading man who just finished playing a rapist, and that’s fine.  The only problem I see is his child-like handwriting, which makes it look as if he scrawled this with a safety pencil during crafts time at the asylum.  My suggestion?  Next time, Daryl, don’t hand write the letter. You want this to look professional. Instead, try cutting the letters out of magazines and pasting them on the page.  It’s like owning a home printing press!  No charge for the free advice.  Good luck, Daryl!

[Awl]

Ever since I got to report on Steven Seagal’s alleged “unique physiological reaction to sexual arousal“, (my favorite story ever, btw), I’ve been following the case as closely as my ex-girlfriend’s Facebook page, that bitch.  Some of the things I’ve learned: Among other things, two additional women have accused him of gropery.  A delightful excerpt:

In one woman’s declaration, obtained by TMZ, Seagal is accused of luring her into his bedroom, putting his hands on the woman’s breasts and stating that he was “checking just as a doctor would for lumps.”
The declaration continues, “Seagal reached his hand down my pants. He said, ‘I just wanted to touch it for a second to see what it felt like.’”
The woman claims she screamed and cried until Seagal let her go.

Well that’s disappointing. I was hoping he’d grab her by the vagina and yell, “ANYBODY SEEN BOBBY LUPO?”  Anyway, it’s important to note that these allegations came second hand by way of Seagal’s original accuser, Kayden Nguyen, and not from the supposedly molested girls themselves.  And also of course that most women are filthy, lying whores.  Meanwhile, one of the women is reportedly Ray Charles’ granddaughter, who Seagal met at Charles’ funeral.  The best part of the story?  I guaran-goddamn-tee you he was wearing one of his Kung Fu shaman outfits at the time.  BUT WAIT, THERE’S MORE!  Seagal’s ex-wife, Kelly LeBrock, is now speaking out about the allegations and the details of their marriage.
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For composer Joseph Brooks, apparently even writing the number one song of 1977 (“You Light Up My Life”) wasn’t enough to keep him from having to get sex by force.  You know, the non-consensual kind, man.  *jazz drums fade in, fireplace lights by itself*

Prosecutors want to boost sexual assault charges against the Academy Award-winning songwriter behind “You Light Up My Life,” who already is accused of 11 casting-couch rapes.

Brooks has pleaded not guilty to rape, sexual abuse and other charges. He’s accused of luring most of the women to his Manhattan apartment through an online ad offering auditions for a movie role, then sexually assaulting them after making them drink apparently drugged wine as part of an “acting exercise.”

Brooks — who won the Academy Award for best original song for the 1977 Debby Boone ballad “You Light Up My Life” and directed a related movie — would wow the women with his Hollywood credentials, making a point of showing them his Oscar, prosecutors say. [Yahoo]

Jesus, he shows you his Oscar, offers you a movie part, feeds you wine, and you still won’t consent to sex?  I find these ladies guilty, of bein uptight, man.  *bongo riff* On a serious note, I think the only fair punishment is to get this guy together with fellow Oscar-winning rapist Roman Polanski and have them do a little back and forth about who has drugged whose wine a lá The Princess Bride.

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(“YEAH, I HIT THAT.”)

It isn’t really news that Roman Polanski’s victim, Samantha Geimer, is lobbying for the case to be dismissed, since she’s said from the very beginning that she just wanted it to be over as quickly as possible (insert tasteless joke here).  Which has worked out really well, don’t you think?  The latest news is that her lawyer sent a letter to the California appeals court urging them to dismiss the case.

The filing with the Second District Court of Appeal on Friday said Geimer and Attorney Lawrence Silver have received nearly 500 media calls seeking comment since Polanski was arrested in Switzerland on Sept. 26.
Geimer, who lives in Hawaii, is being stalked by journalists from numerous international news outlets and has received interview requests from Larry King and Oprah Winfrey, the filing said.
“The pursuit has caused her to have health-related issues,” it said. “The pursuit has caused her performance at her job to be interfered with and has caused the understandable displeasure of her employer and the real possibility that Samantha could lose her job.”
The filing seeks dismissal of the case against Polanski and ends with a request: “Leave her alone.” [Yahoo]

I understand her wanting to be left alone, but losing her job?  Your boss would have to be a pretty huge d-ck to use this against you.  “Hey, Samantha, are you gonna finish these proposal requests like I asked you a week ago, or are you too busy getting raped?  Jesus, Samantha, did you misfile all these reports?  What are you, on quaaludes?”

(“SERIOUSLY, I DON’T EVEN KNOW THIS GUY.”)

Just over a week ago, French Culture Minister Frederic Mitterrand said of Roman Polanski’s arrest, “In the same way that there is a generous America that we like, there is also a scary America that has just shown its face.”  As it turns out, Mitterand would probably have preferred America show the face of a young Thai boy, so that he might rape it.  I call this story “Dude, you’re not helping,” part 2:

The revelations in his 2005 autobiography “The Bad Life” have come back to haunt Mr Mitterrand. In his book, Mr Mitterrand, the nephew of the late Socialist president François Mitterrand, wrote [of his holiday in Thailand]: “I got into the habit of paying for boys…All these rituals of the market for youths, the slave market excite me enormously. One could judge this abominable spectacle from a moral standpoint but it pleases me beyond the reasonable.” [As opposed to reasonable excitement about the slave market...]
[...]
“The profusion of very attractive and immediately available young boys puts me in a state of desire that I no longer need to hinder nor hide…as I know that I will not be refused.” [Telegraph]

That’s right, in France, you can have a government position even after publicly declaring your love of young Thai boys.  It truly is the land of opportunity.  Also, HE STILL HAS A JOB:

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