If you watched Amanda Seyfried in 2011’s Red Riding Hood, thinking, “Eh, this is OK, but I could use more violent girls flashing their boobs and werewolves acting all rapey” then you’re in luck, because Japan already heard you loud and clear. Red Sword reimagines the classic “Little Red Riding Hood” tale just a little bit differently than Hollywood’s most recent version.

Long, long ago, there was a wolf-man tribe who had no women. All through history these desperate wolf men have attacked and raped female humans as a way to continue their species. But the wolf men have a terrible legend where every hundred years, on the night of a red moon, a little girl is born and she is destined to destroy the wolf-man tribe. The lecherous wolf men are so afraid of females that they have developed a code which requires they kill baby girls soon after they are born. But only the lovely Beniko Akatsuki survives this terrible fate.

These days, Beniko fights endless battles against the wolf men. Poor Beniko’s mother was ruthlessly raped by a wolf man and gave birth to Beniko. To save her baby girl, Beniko’s mother had to sacrifice her own life. Now, Beniko wears a memento of her beloved mother, a red riding hood, and she has dedicated her life to killing all the wolf men. One day, Beniko senses that the evil wolf men are sneaking into a high school. The clever Beniko pretends she is a school girl and starts attending school, only to find vicious, horny pack of female-deprived wolf men. Beniko protects her fellow school girls as she fights them off with her sword and her red riding hood.

Will the brave, sexy Beniko Red Riding Hood be able to finally kill the vicious pack of sex-starved wolf-men? (Via Gamma Squad and Twitch)

So not only is the Japanese version about the sword-wielding product of werewolf-on-human rape, but she also pretends to be a high school student, flashing her boobs all over the place, because these werewolves are only into schoolgirls. I have to say, I’m just a little bit disappointed in the predictability, Japan.

Very NSFW trailer after the jump. How NSFW? It asks your age for verification and you CANNOT lie to the Internet.

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Michael Hazanavicius’s The Artist has been winning rave reviews and awards for essentially being a movie about classic Hollywood that’s also an overt homage to those movies, including an audio reference to Bernard Herrmann’s famous score from Hitchcock’s Vertigo during a climactic scene. But 78-year-old Vertigo star Kim Novak apparently didn’t appreciate the homage, at least, if we’re to judge by the full-page ad in Variety she took out yesterday that started with “I want to report a rape.” (full text of the ad after the jump)

In a full-page ad published Monday in the trade publication Variety, Novak wrote, “I want to report a rape. I feel as if my body — or, at least my body of work — has been violated by the movie, The Artist.”

I feel as if I’ve been repeatedly and coercively penetrated by your metaphors! Figuratively speaking.

She went on to say, “This film could and should have been able to stand on its own without depending upon Bernard Herrmann’s score from Alfred Hitchcock’s Vertigo to provide it more drama.”
Novak called the creative decision “cheating,” adding, “Shame on them!” [THR]

The love-scene music from the 1958 Alfred Hitchcock film was used as a “temp track” — temporary music used during editing — Artist composer Ludovic Bource confirmed. He wrote his own music for that scene but, he said, Hazanavicius and producer Thomas Langmann chose to stick with the temp music. (Bource’s own version is on the soundtrack album.) The six minutes and 20 seconds of Herrmann’s score for “Vertigo,” which starred Novak and James Stewart, plays during a scene late in “Artist” when despondent George (Jean Dujardin) considers suicide while his friend Peppy (Berenice Bejo) races across town to stop him. [Variety]

So… let me get this straight: You’ve been raped because a movie borrowed a theme you didn’t write from a movie you didn’t direct? I guess there’s a reason you had to pay to report this rape to a trade paper instead of the traditional method, a 911 call. In the immortal words of Whoopi Goldberg, “I don’t think it was ‘rape-rape.’”

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In the annals of cinematic male rape, even before Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, there was Deliverance, which forever entered “Squeal like a pig!” into the national lexicon. Today, the world mourns as the man who uttered that famous line, Bill McKinney (above right), is dead at 80 from lung cancer. Ladies and gentlemen, today, we lost a titan of buttrape. (*solemly pours out KY*)

McKinney was born in Chattanooga, Tennessee. He had an unsettled life as a child, moving 12 times before joining the Navy at the age of 19 during the Korean War.

Discharged in Long Beach, California, in 1954, McKinney settled in southern California, attending acting school at the famous Pasadena Playhouse in 1957, where his classmates included Dustin Hoffman and Mako. McKinney supported himself as an arborist, trimming and taking down trees, a job he continued into the 1970s, when he was appearing in major films. McKinney has had a life-long love affair with trees since he was a child. [*stifles snicker* -Ed.]

After his time at the Pasadena Playhouse, McKinney was admitted to Lee Strasberg’s Actors Studio. He made his movie debut in the exploitation picture She Freak (1967) and was busy on television, making his debut in 1968 on “The Monkees” (1966) and attracting attention as Lobo on “Alias Smith and Jones” (1971). But it was as the Mountain Man in John Boorman’s Deliverance (1972), a movie nominated for Best Picture of 1972 at the Academy Awards, that brought McKinney widespread attention and solidified his reputation as one of moviedom’s all-time most heinous screen villains.

In his autobiography, Burt Reynolds (whose character dispatches The Mountain Man with an arrow in the back) said of McKinney, “I thought he was a little bent. I used to get up at five in the morning and see him running nude through the golf course while the sprinklers watered the grass….”

McKinney denies this, and also disputes Reynolds contention that he was overly enthusiastic playing the infamous scene where his character buggers Ned Beatty.

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Joe Son, a man best known for his role as Random Task in the first Austin Powers and a brief career as a fighter that saw him go 0-4 as an MMA fighter and 0-1 as a kickboxer (though he did famously get punched in the dick a lot and showed up to one fight in a thong and white eyeliner), was convicted today for his part in a 1990 gang rape in Orange County. 

Joseph Hyungmin Son was found guilty of one felony count of torture Thursday. A statute of limitations had expired on other counts. Prosecutors say Son and an accomplice pulled the victim into a car on Christmas Eve in 1990 and drove her toward Huntington Beach as they beat her with a gun and raped her.
The investigation had gone cold until Son was required to provide a DNA sample in 2008 in connection with a vandalism sentence.
He faces a maximum sentence of 15 years to life in state prison. [SFGate via CagePotato]

I posted a slightly more detailed account of the crime back when he was first arrested:

Son, along with a second suspect, is accused of dragging the victim into the back of a car, pistol whipping her, threatening her life at gun point while he counted the bullets in his gun, and raping, sodomizing, and forcing her to orally copulate him repeatedly, according to a release from the Orange County District Attorney’s Office. Son is also accused of sexually penetrating the victim with his firearm before she was released naked with her pants tied around her eyes.

Aw, he sounds like a real neat guy. And speaking of forced oral copulation at gun point, Mike Myers is writing Austin Powers 4.

The other day after posting my most recent rape van submission (as the internet’s number one destination for vannin’ and rape-van related van pictures, it happens all the time), a friend asked, “Wait, is every van a rape van?”

I believe this to be one of the most important questions we face today.  Is simply being a van enough?  Everyone understands vans to be the rapiest of vehicles (except for the owner of the above van, who still disputes this conclusion), like non-commercial incarnations of semi tractor trailer cabs. But are they all rapey?  The easy answer is that some are more rapey than others.  A Mazda MPV, for instance, is not very rapey, due in no small part to the abundance of windows.  However, there exists no one perfect equation that can accurately determine the rapeyness of a particular van.  Like the Supreme Court justice famously said of obscenity, “I can’t tell you what it is, but I know it when I see it.”  The same is true of Rape Vans.  So come with me, as we explore just what makes a van rapey or righteous.

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