^{Joaquin Phoenix and the backwards B girl had a baby, and they named it Neveah.}

The trades are reporting today that Casey Affleck’s next project will be directing a documentary about Joaquin Phoenix’s “music career.”  This whole thing sounds a little bit fishy, because if you’ll remember, Casey Affleck was standing next to Joaquin during Joaquin’s original retirement announcement (video of that here), and was the one who had to explain that Slurry McPainkillers was planning to focus on music after he stormed off.  Oh but wait, it gets weirder:

Phoenix is embarking on a new path as a rapper, with an album to be produced by Sean Combs. He is scheduled to make his first public performance Friday at a Las Vegas club, which will officially kick off Affleck’s shoot.

I just checked my calendar and it’s not April 1st.  Are they serious?  And by that I mean, is he joquin?  Or is this simply a product of jealousy of rappers-turned-actors combined with dyslexia?  My guess is that it’s some kind of elaborate publicity stunt and they’re planning to punk the media with some nonsensical performance art that only actors will understand.

UPDATE: TMZ apparently has video of Joaquin doin’ his thang.  And by ‘doin’ his thang’, I mean slurring unintelligibly and looking like a homeless person – but this time over a drum beat!

This video was on GorillaMask a few days ago, and I should be flogged and ridiculed for missing it.  It’s a six-minute rap song about Predator, and it’s worth watching every second. 

Puts my 27 Dresses ballad to shame, that’s for sure. 

[Thanks to champion fartist BDarbs for the reminder] 

Apparently this is from Teen Witch.  Skip the first 30 seconds or so and go straight to the rapping.  I'm at a loss for words on this one. 

Ignoring common sense and better judgment, they're making a fourth Jurassic Park movie.  And as BloodyDisgusting reports:

We're told that the film is about the government who has trained dinosaurs to carry weapons and use them for battle purposes.

Yup, dinosaurs with guns.  Based on a pitch entitled "Dude, it'll be like Transformers, but with dinosaurs!" by some jackass, Jurassic Park IV will chronicle the U.S. government's battle to win the hearts and minds of the dinosaurs, many of whom, poor and disenfranchised, have been convinced by demagogues that they'll receive 72 dinosaurs never touched by the flesh of other dinosaurs in the afterlife in exchange for martyring themselves.

Ripped from the headlines.  How contemporary.