Before Charlie Sheen showed up after a five-day crack binge spouting off about violent love and warlock assassins and soaked up the public’s appetite for public meltdowns, there was Randy Quaid.  After leading the media on a two-year trail of batsh*t nuttiness that included his wife sending nude photos of herself to a Seattle newspaper and showing up to a court date with “VALID CREDIT CARD” attached to her forehead, the Quaids sought asylum in Canada last October, claiming they were refugees from Hollywood “Star Whackers”, who killed, among others, Heath Ledger, David Carradine, Michael Jackson, Chris Penn, and Natasha Richardson.  Which is bullsh*t, because everyone knows the Auto-Erotic Asphyxiation Ninjas did Carradine. 

Quaid has since surfaced in Vancouver, playing gigs with his backing band The Fugitives, and it sounds like he’s doing great:

The American actor performed two songs at the Commodore Ballroom on Friday night, telling the audience they were about “experiences that my wife and I have gone through for the last few months, and we hope you enjoy them.”

The first song had Quaid croon a romantic tune entitled “Will We Be Together Then?” Then came the much-heralded “Star Whackers” song, which referenced TMZ, murdering people and selling their organs on eBay. [THR]

My God, if it was legal to marry a paragraph, I’d be down on one knee right now.  “Wrote a song about my childhood.  It’s called ‘Dingo Baby Rainbow Pastry,’ here it go…”

The performance was Quaid’s first public gig since being granted permanent residency status in Canada by local authorities. He was allowed to stay in Canada because his wife, Evi Quaid, received her Canadian citizenship card in February because her father was born here.

Oh, Canadians. So polite. “Ninjas? Haha, cool story, eh.” Anyway, would you like to read the lyrics?  I’m sure you would.

Read the rest of this entry »

"Psst. You think they know the sh*tter's full?"

Randy Quaid and his wife, Evi, are currently fugitives after missing a court date stemming from their burglary arrest last month for squatting in the guest house of a home they hadn’t owned since the 90s.  They were released on bond in Vancouver when their Canadian lawyer presented the media with a hand-written note that said, “Yes we are requesting asylum from Hollywood ‘STAR WHACKERS.’”

And that’s when things start to get weird.

Those Quaid counts among his “murdered” friends include actors Heath Ledger and David Carradine. [as well as Michael Jackson, Chris Penn, Natasha Richardson, and other actors who have appeared in movies with Randy.]
Quaid and his wife said they felt they had been unfairly treated by the U.S. justice system and promised to appear at future hearings, if released.

“I would not do anything to besmirch my reputation any further than it has been,” the actor said. “I’m trying to do damage control.”
Evi Quaid insisted they would not flee, if released, and even offered to wear an ankle bracelet.  She added: “I feel safe here.”

Vancouver police said they received a call for assistance Thursday in the city’s west side and while checking the identities of the pair — who turned out to be Quaid and his wife — authorities learned they were wanted on outstanding warrants.
The pair, who arrived in Canada on Oct. 17, said they crossed the border unaware that they had been charged and had a court date in California.
They said they came to Vancouver to relax and to talk to an agent about jump-starting Quaid’s acting career. [VancouverSun]

Which will of course be difficult, considering he and his wife’s scorched-Earth trail of batsh*t nuttiness that began back in 2008 on the set of the play Lone Star Love, when the cast hated them so much, they had him banned from the union and fined $80 grand.  Some highlights from the next two years:

Read the rest of this entry »

Here’s the wacky note the Quaids wrote when they got arrested (click to enlarge).  Also, Randy has more hair on his face than his wife has on her head. [via TMZ]

Daily Circle Jerk Links

• The 12 sexiest countries in sports.  Aw, snubbed again, Mongolia.  Poor Mongolia. |Bleacherreport|
• 25 fake movie brands. |Gunaxin|
• 15 of the luckiest people caught on video.  That’s funny, I didn’t see Jim Belushi in any of these. |EpicCarnival|
• The extended edition of the Jetson’s theme.  With George’s secrets. |CollegeHumor|
• Awesome bathroom graffiti.  ‘Nova Scotia reprent!’ Is my favorite. |HolyTaco|
• Seven Classic Ricky Gervais clips. |ScreenJunkies|
• I don’t care about the Jets at all, but I love fake Rex Ryan. |KissingSuzyKolber|

Randy Quaid was banned from the Actor’s Equity union for life and fined $81,572 for basically keeping it too real on the set of Lone Star Love the Musical.

* Quaid hit an actor on the back of the head four times during performances. When the stage manager told him to stop, he smacked the actor again.
* Another actor was warned that if he made direct eye contact with Quaid onstage, he’d be fired.
* Quaid made "sexually inappropriate" comments onstage, repeatedly referring to an actress’ musical instruments as her "gynecological instruments." [I bet they'd have complained when I offered customers a "sanitary napkin" back at the deli too - jeez, it's just an adjective. -Ed.]
* The couple [Quaid and his wife, presumably - Ed.] tried to rewrite the script, to eliminate characters. Randy "felt free" to change blocking, lyrics and lines during performances, and repeatedly failed to show up for note sessions and rehearsals

But wait, theres more!

Quaid says the actors are part of a “pinko-commie organization” trying to destroy him. And it gets even better: Sources tell TMZ that Quaid’s wife Evi turned up at the Equity hearing for Quaid and “berated several Equity staff members, including a 76-year-old receptionist whom she allegedly kicked in the shins, drawing blood.” Evi says Equity staffers broke her finger while trying to bar her from the meeting; others say she was a screaming lunatic raving about a “Nazi plot” against her husband. [Gothamist]

Sources call the scandal, "The only interesting thing to happen to musical theater ever." 

Why do we still have the theater?  Don’t they know you can go film shit on location and do special effects and stuff and then play it back without the actors having to be there?  Theater nowadays is pretty much like when rich people go camping.  "Ooh, let’s drive out to the woods and pretend we’re poor!"  Good idea, dad, you fucking yuppie.   

[Thanks to RoboPanda, the most pleasant smelling FilmDrunkard, for the tip.]