Fox takes a novel approach to picking projects: they lay hundreds of scripts on the ground and have the CEO put his forehead on a bat and spin around until he’s dizzy, and then try to run to the far end.  Whichever script he trips over, that’s the movie they make, and everyone barks like seals.

Martin Lawrence is returning to his signature comedy [!] franchise ‘Big Momma’s House,” and will be joined by Brandon T. Jackson [at least it's not Nick Cannon].  In the latest adventure, FBI Agent Malcolm Turner and his 17-year-old nephew, Trent, go undercover at an all-girls performing arts school after Trent witnesses a murder.  Posing as Big Momma and Charmaine, they must find the murderer before he finds them.  Insiders say the filmmakers don’t want the threequel to be titled “Big Momma’s House 3.” [Variety]

I like how Variety uses threequel as if it’s a real word. Anyway, I’m pretty sure I can predict how this will go down: Martin Lawrence slips on a banana peel and breaks his high heel.  As he tries to hide the run in his pantyhose, he turns to Brandon T. Jackson in drag and says, “I’m too old for this sh-t.”  Enter the WB frog, they all soft shoe out of frame, aaaand scene.

I hope screenwriter Randi Mayem Singer is waiting by the phone, because Renee Zellweger says she’s wearing a fat suit for Bridget Jones’ Diary 3.  Aw crap, did I just type Bridget Jones’ Diary 3?  Now my keyboard has AIDS ;-(

“Renee will be wearing a fat suit in the third film, as it took her a while to lose the weight last time,” a source revealed to British magazine Reveal. “She’s also thinking about the effect quickly putting on and then losing 30 pounds has on her body.”

I forgot that she’d actually gained 30 pounds for Bridget Jones Diary 2.  Can you imagine?  Jesus, man, considering the movie we’re talking about, that’d be like asking Robin Williams to actually get a sex change for Mrs. Doubtfire.  Not even.  It’d be like “We’re making a direct-to-DVD sequel to Mrs. Doubtfire, you’re gonna have to become a woman now.”

While some fans and bloggers are worried Zellweger’s portrayal of “Bridget Jones” will be less authentic the third go-round if she dons a fat suit, the actress has voiced concern over gaining weight for the famous role in the past. [NYDailyNews]

Oh okay, I get it now.  Haha, Bridget Jones 3 less authentic, very funny.  Seriously, you guys, where’s the hidden camera, I have work to do.

After the jump, we have the first trailer for The Tooth Fairy, starring The Rock, written by our friend Randi “Mayhem” Singer.  On Loveline, Adam Carolla used to have a game called Ace’s Ranchero Music Accordion Challenge, in which the engineer would cue up a Ranchero music song, and the contestants would then place bets on how long it’d be into the song before the accordion kicked in.  We can play a similar game here with this trailer and The Rock getting hit in the balls. How long do you say?  A minute?  Two minutes? 30 seconds?   If you had 1:06, go to the head of the class.  This is all based on the constant: people getting hit in the crotch is to crappy movie trailers as accordions are to ranchero music.  Other fun things to look for:

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(Yep, this is you, comments of the week winner. And yes, most of these chicks are friends of your aunt’s.)

What up, sluts.  Comments of the week time again.  Nominate for next week in the comments section below.  Anyway, let’s get this show on the road.  Starting things off, our favorite foreigner argentino continues the Randi-Mayem-Singer-is-the-Hitler-of-Screenwriters mini meme in the Highlander remake thread:

argentino says: If this was a Randi Mayer Singer script, it would be called Sieg Heilander.

Get it? It’s funny because he implied she was a Nazi. (Maybe you had to be there?)  And being an Argentino, he’d know something about Nazis.  Phew, that was hopelessly esoteric.  I hope it gets better from here.

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(Sorry, I didn’t have a picture of the actual screenwriter, and I just thought… oh nevermind.)

Folks, even with all the retarded crap I have to write about every day, it’s not often that I legitimately smack myself in the face whilst researching a story.  This was one of those stories.  It started with the news that Walden Media is producing Gene, a script from Randi Mayem Singer about… you guessed it, a male genie.  They call it “a modern take on the classic genie story.”  And in this context, I guess “modern” means that this time the genie’s not Shaq.  Now, if the name Randi Mayem Singer sounds familiar, it’s because she’s also responsible for:

• The Tooth Fairy, starring The Rock
• Big Momma’s House 3

But wait, it gets better!  Today I learned that she’s also working on — and gird your loins, because this may be one of the dumbest f’cking things I’ve ever had to type — a sitcom for The CW with Will and Jada Pinkett Smith called… M.I.L.F. and Cookies.  That’s right, “Mom I’d Like to F’ck and Cookies.”  If that doesn’t say family-friendly sitcom, I don’t know what does.  Description:

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