As they say on The A-Team, “I love it when a plan comes together.”  Now, let me see if I understand this plan:

1.  Stowaway inside tank inside a cargo plane.

2.  Wait for enemy to blow up said cargo plane with a missile.

3.  Assuming that they’ll be undamaged in the explosion, deploy the tank’s parachutes (from, uh… inside the tank).

4. Open tank’s hatch, activate tank’s guns, and destroy enemy’s planes as you float towards the ground.

5. Cackle maniacally, ridicule your black friend.

Some people might call this “ridiculous” or “stupid,” but I enjoyed it.  If you’re gonna go big, go big.  However, if you can tell me what the hell Rampage says here, I think you win a prize:

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There’s a new trailer out for the Joe Carnahan-directed A-Team, and this one seems specially designed for the person who saw the first one and said, “Hmm, not ridiculous enough.”  Besides more of the parachuting-a-tank-out-of-an-airplane-and-shooting-other-planes-with-it scene, we’ve also got:

• Liam Neeson as Hannibal pulling the old Shawshank Redemption trick… for a cigar.  Just buy it at the commissary, show off.
• “I ain’t flyin on no planes!” is now “Oh hell naw. I ain’t steppin foot on any type a aircraft.”  Well la di dah, looks like someone‘s dating an English major.
• Instead of BA saying “I pity the fool!’, he just has “PITY” and “FOOL” tattooed on his knuckles. …Right, because just saying the line would’ve been stupid.
• District 9‘s Sharlto Copley as Murdock tries to jump start a van with a defibrillator.  About which Hannibal says “My kind of guy.”  Aw, I love that electricity-ignorant f*ck.
• RAIL GRINDING DOWN A SKYSCRAPER, OOH WHA AH AH-AH!
• BASE jump to parachute snagged on the skids of passing helicopter.  You know they planned that sh*t too.

As you all know, I grip it and rip it and live life with a lot of flair on a daily basis, but even I might have to keister a couple Red Bulls to get through this.  Ooh, and I almost forgot: Brad Cooper shirtless.  I knew there was a reason I had that vaseline out.

[available in HD at Apple]

The A-Team movie just released a batch of new pictures from the movie, in case you’re one of those people who prefer their photos not projected in rapid sequence to create the illusion of motion.  I just wish we could decide once and for all whether keffiyah scarves are for hipster pussies or special forces guys so I can exercise my God-given right to punch hipsters without worrying about getting my trachea stomped.  As Nathan Hale famously said, “I regret that I have but two fists with which to punch hipsters in their stupid face.”

[via ComingSoon]

(This scene was so extreme Vin Diesel started skysurfing on it.)

I posted the crappy, bootleg version of the new A-Team trailer last week, but now the official version is up and you can see Rampage, Liam, Brad Cooper, and the District 9 guy in glorious regular resolution. It’s still a dopey concept based on a dopey show, but it appears they’ve done a great job updating the plot.  By which I mean OMG SKYDIVING ON A TANK, SO XXXTREEEME!!!  *Rockstar Energy Drink enema*

No one seems to know whether they won’t actually kill any of the bad guys like in the original.  One of them is wearing a gas mask in the trailer — tear gas and tranq guns instead of bullets, perhaps?   Maybe instead of killing bad guys, they just drug em up and date rape them.  Seems plausible.  I mean, they are driving around in a van.

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The trailer for the Joe Carnahan-directed A-Team remake hits theaters this weekend, and The Film Stage noticed an early leak to the Edmonton Journal, so they uploaded it to vimeo.  Check it out while it lasts, as it’ll probably get tugged off faster than a Republican congressman in a cruisy rest stop. Haha, good one, Jay.

The quality sucks, but dare I say… it looks promising?  As good as a Fox-remake of a cheesy TV show could possibly be?  If nothing else, Joe Carnahan knows how to film dumb action.  Rampage Jackson as “Bad Attitude” Baracas never says he ain’t flyin on no plane, but he does punch a guy out as Brad Cooper notes, “Looks like you got a bad attitude.”

Whackety schmackedy!  Also, what’s up with Rampage stealing Chuck Liddell’s hairstyle?  Not that I’m surprised. It’s just like the blacks to co-opt white culture.  Next he’ll be slowing down and trying to rely on his “grit” and “work ethic”.

(Somethin for the ladies)