^{Disclaimer: Posts written the day after the Super Bowl may lack the joie de vivre, devil-may-care je ne sais quois, and abilty to spell with which FilmDrunk has come to be associated.  For obvious reasons.}

Back in the 80s, Rambo taught us we could’ve beat the Russians in Vietnam by simply being more badass.  From Back to the Future we learned white people invented rock and roll.

Against all odds, the new Rambo has a lesson for us, and it has the paranoid Junta running Myanmar/Burma feeling a little… paranoid.

Police in Myanmar have given DVD hawkers strict orders not to stock the new Rambo movie, which features the Vietnam War veteran taking on the former Burma’s ruling military junta.

"People are going crazy with the quote ‘Live for nothing, die for something’," one resident said. 

Hey, I can understand that. After I saw Borat, every time I’d see a hot chick, I’d turn to my friends and go, "Ees nice," and then we’d high five. Kinda changed our whole perspective on shit.

"This movie could fuel the sentiment of Myanmar people to invite American troops to help save them from the junta," one Yangon resident told Reuters by e-mail [presumably banana-powered].

…Yeeeeeahhh… about that… they’re kinda busy this month…. 

"Rambo acted very cruelly, but his cruelty is nothing compared to that of the military junta," a Myanmar student in Thailand, who did not wish to be named, told Reuters.

It also pales in comparison to Lisa Rinna, who literally drinks the tears of the unborn.

[Thanks to the lovely and talented Ryan for the tip] 

I think FilmDrunk just found its official movie reviewer.  Some of what he had to say about Rambo:

Overall, it just wasn’t a bunch of boring back and forth crap.  No talking. It was just straightforward action.  Which I liked.  Some people may think Sylvester Stallone is too old for the part, but I think he did a pretty good job.

A little more about our reviewer from his YouTube profile:

Name: Sexman
Age: 54
A guy who loves to make videos and have a good time.
Country: Canada
Occupation: Making Videos
Companies: Gang Bang Prodouctions
Interests and Hobbies: Making Videos playing video games watching tv writing.
Movies and Shows: Movies: Super Bad Simpsons AVP-r. Shows: South Park Family Guy Simpsons.

This kid is the real-life McLovin.  Sexman, we salute you. 

Commenter ‘I Will Do Questionable Things To Your Mother’ writes, "Can you even imagine how hard this dude parties?"    

Sly Stallone says he used HGH (Human Growth Hormone) to help him get buff for Rambo and he thinks there’s nothing wrong with that.

“HGH (human growth hormone) is nothing,” the 61-year-old actor tells Time magazine in its Feb. 4 issue. “Anyone who calls it a steroid is grossly misinformed.”

Indeed.  I don’t think the doctors would dispute you on that one.

“Testosterone [which is a steroid] to me is so important for a sense of well-being when you get older,” he says. “Everyone over 40 years old would be wise to investigate it because it increases the quality of your life. Mark my words. In 10 years it will be over the counter.”

Stallone added, “Until then, I’ll have to keep buying it from a Mexican on the internet.  He’s wearing a stethoscope in his picture!”  When pressed further, Stallone pulled the reporter’s arms off.

As her screaming subsided and the blood pooled on the floor, my mind repeated a familiar refrain, “When you’re pushed, killin’s as easy as breathin’.”

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Opening this weekend

Rambo
Well, it ain’t gonna be Citizen Kane.  But I’ve seen the trailer in the theater a few times now, and every time the crowd laughed and cheered. It might have just enough blood and guts to be worth while – maybe not Tony Jah good, but okay for a laugh, like ridiculing the blind.

Meet the Spartans
Don’t see it as a goof, don’t let someone drag you to it, just… no.  Predictably, it wasn’t screened for critics, but /Film is projecting it to make #2 at the box office and pull in close to $20 million. For all that is holy, I hope they’re wrong. These jackasses are more annoyingly unfunny and inexplicably successful than Larry the Cable guy and Ant combined. I’d love to be funny here, but this just fills me with rage. Honestly, if this movie is successful, well I just might throw a hissy fit.

Untraceable
Tracking 17% on RottenTomatoes, the critics love it.  "Just ugh." says the Seattle Post-Intelligencer.  My call? I liked it better when it was called FeardotCom. Just kidding, that sucked too. Tell you what though, Colin Hanks is part of a grand tradition of dopey mouthbreathers. 

How She Move
Yo, we savin’ the rec center, y’all. Believe it or not, this movie’s actually getting some good reviews. But I think they may just be trying to respect the memory of cousin Chad Butler, aka Pimp C.  

Rambo’s latest TV spot hit the web today.  As fun as it is to rip on Sly and a fourth Rambo movie, I’ve been pretty into everything I’ve seen so far.  It won’t be Citizen Kane, but it seems to be aware of its own blood ‘n’ guts b-movie appeal, and that could be fun. [Source: ComingSoon.Net]

And then I got three seconds into its latest spot and heard "Let the Bodies Hit the Floor".  God I hate marketing people.  Ten bucks says this spot runs on Spike TV during The Ultimate Fighter between ads for a first person shooter video game and the latest Xyience product – I don’t care what’s in it because I’m an idiot!  I’m so mesmerized by tits, fire, and Chuck Liddell hitting a punching bag in the middle of the desert that I’ll put anything in my body!  GRR, NOX-CG3!

ME: Okay, hyperrealistic movie violence, this could be cool.   RAMBO MARKETING TEAM:  Great!  Hey, so you must be an idiot who watches wrestling then, right?  Well check out this latest clip of split-second shots from the movie set to that song you all seem to like.  It was between that and the Disturbed song where the guy makes monkey sounds.  Hey, how ’bout a free 2-liter of Mountain Dew with every purchase?  Guys like that, right?  ME: Totally.  By the way, you have any boner pills you can sell me?  Send me an email about them, and be sure not to spell check anything.

Something’s got to give!!!