BAWK BAWK. “Willie Beamen, come quick, the world needs you!” “Not now, little girl, I’m in disguise.”

I used to hate Sony’s Annie remake on account of it being another Will Smith vanity project starring one of his obnoxious little fame avatar children. But Willow got too old to play the lead, and Quvenzhane Wallis (I just won Scrabble!) from Beasts of the Southern Wild was cast. I guess I don’t hate it as much now, but I really hope Hollywood doesn’t ruin that adorable little girl’s life. Anyway, now Jamie Foxx has been cast as Daddy Warbucks. Only they’re calling him “Benjamin Stacks” in this one. Get it? Because it’s an African-American remake, and “stacking Benjamins” is African-American talk for making lots of money. I heard they tried to do an African-American remake of The Rainmaker but… you know what, I’m not even going to finish this joke.

Jamie Foxx is in negotiations to star opposite Quvenzhane Wallis in Annie, the update of the classic comic strip-turned-musical that Sony is making with producers Will Smithand Jay-Z.

Foxx would play a character named Benjamin Stacks, a variation of the Daddy Warbucks personage, who takes in the spunky orphan girl being played by Wallis. (You know he’s rich because his name literally means stacks of $100 bills, aka Benjamins.)

I admire the restraint it took not to spell it “Benjamin Staxx.” That never would’ve happened had Vin Diesel been producing.

The Django Unchained star has received an offer from the studio and sources say his team has begun to negotiate.

Will Gluck is directing the project, which has a host of producers: Smith and his Overbrook Entertainment banner partner James Lassiter, Jada Pinkett-Smith and Jay-Z. Also producing are Jay Brown and Tyran “Ty Ty” Smith through Marcy Media. [THR]

This project used to be fun to make fun of at least, but now it’s like a yawn wrapped in shrugs. I guess that’s a good thing, because if I had to watch one of Will Smith’s millionaire brats rapping about her “hard knock life,” I might’ve had an aneurysm. “At least he died watching something he hated,” people would say.

Every year, a handful of smaller films come out that rely on critical acclaim to find an audience. As a critic, you walk a fine line between trying to help those smaller, worthy films find an audience, and making sure the films you champion are worthy, to keep from burning your audience and becoming the boy who cried wolf, making film critics even more irrelevant than we already are. Beasts of the Southern Wild is a critic-bait film that’s already won a Camera D’or at Cannes, Best Narrative Film at the LA Film Festival, and been nominated for Best Film at the Independent Spirit Awards. Here’s why the critics whiffed on this one.

As an MGMT video, Beasts of the Southern Wild is pretty good. It’s got soaring music, pretty cinematography, fantastical imagery that borrows heavily from Where the Wild Things Are, an impossibly cute little girl, and deep south swamp locations exotic to urbanized yankees like me (“look, crawdaddies! Isn’t that a funny word, Brent? ‘Crawdaddies?’”). But if you can see past the craft, this tale of deep south swamp hobos and feral children that eat cat food has all the depth of one of those Levis slam poetry commercials. I thought we weren’t supposed to fall for the Magic Negro and the Noble Savage anymore? Yet here it is, a whole movie full of them, plus folksy Cajuns who can’t open their mouths without homespun crypticisms aw shucksing their way out.

“Hushpuppy” (yes, the main character’s name is Hushpuppy) is the adorable little black girl in question (it really cannot be overstated how cute she is), played by spell-check nightmare Quvenzhané Wallis when she was just five years old (an impressive performance, to be sure). Hushpuppy lives with her daddy beyond the levees in a swampy section of rural Louisiana called “The Bathtub.” Or as Hushpuppy narrates it to us, “I’m recording it for the scientists in the future. In a million years, when kids go to school, they gonna know that once there was a Hushpuppy and she lived with her daddy in The Bathtub.”

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