The Sorcerer’s Apprentice, the Jerry Bruckheimer movie in which Nic Cage plays a modern-day Warlock (not making this up) has been the scene of several accidents. While I point to this as evidence that God is finally trying to smite Jerry Bruckheimer as I’ve prayed for many times, some say the set is cursed. And others claim Nic Cage even hired a witch doctor to un-curse it. Says National Enquirer:
“Everyone was shocked when the voodoo woman arrived on the set. She was wearing a long black and purple dress had long stringy hair – and carried a broom. She sprinkled ‘Voodoo Dust’ on the pavement as she chanted weird phrases to frighten bad spirits.” [via DailyStab]
The National Enquirer are notorious liars (see the Brangelina breakup story from a few days ago) and much as I’d like to believe every Nic-Cage-is-crazy story I hear, this one sounds especially bogus. I posted it mainly because of this picture. What. in the holy hell. is going on here? Let me get this straight: you cared enough about your appearance to Brotox your forehead shiny and put on a shirt and tie, and yet didn’t bother shaving the three days worth of grey and black stubble attached to your brown mop at the temples? You carefully manicured a beard that’s a completely different color than your hair or eyebrows? And dude… are you wearing eyeliner? This… is not a stable person. I know you shouldn’t judge a book by its cover, but let’s just say I wouldn’t leave this book near my children.
Question marks in the headline can mean only one thing: news schmews, it’s time to prognosticate! If you came here for answers, you’re in the wrong place, bub. Now, who wants to get stabbed in the dark? Ouch, I’m bleeding! Yay!
According to über-sketchy media outlet WENN (whose stories are generally written and formatted like a penis-pill email), Megan Fox has vowed to never play a character as “lame” as Wonder Woman.
Director Joss Whedon is rumoured to be putting together a cast for an upcoming big screen outing for the superhero siren [Editor's Note: I've never heard this rumor, and I traffic in these sorts of things]. Fox is reportedly in the running to play the lead role, but the Transformer star is adamant she will not get involved with the comic book adaptation. She tells British magazine FHM, “She’s lame. She flies around in an invisible jet, but she’s not invisible. I don’t get it.” [IMDB via Fark]
Hello, does Star Trek ring a bell? Romulan cloaking devices? (*pushes glasses back up nose*) Anyway, there’s no trace of the quote or anything about Wonder Woman in FHM’s online edition, and WENN appears to be the only source for it. So this whole thing is probably bullsh*t. And let’s face it, Megan Fox has been in two Transformers movies and dates this guy, – something tells me she isn’t the harshest judge of what is and isn’t lame.
Question marks in the headline can mean only one thing: it’s time to prognosticate! Does Xenu rule the heavens? Do drugs really make you thinner? Does this skin suit make my ass look fat? No one knows for sure, and that means we’re free to speculate wildly! Yee haw!
Today’s rumor comes from the Daily Mail, a newspaper based in England that doesn’t seem to use English in the headlines. No matter, they say Christian Bale is in talks to play Robin Hood in Nottingham, the new sympathetic-to-the-Sheriff (Russell Crowe) take on Robin Hood from Ridley Scott.
Nothing is signed for Bale, but director Ridley Scott is exceedingly keen to cast him.
Keep in mind this Robin Hood isn’t going to be a fox, or a guy with a really American-sounding accent, he’s going to be a real bastard. I don’t know about you, but I can’t wait to see Robin Hood with his shirt off, banging the happily-married Maid Marian from behind while flexing in the mirror, as the Sheriff looks on, shedding a single tear. Plus it’s Medieval England, so he could be eating a raw rabbit or squirrel with the other hand. What, it’s gay to have fantasies about Christian Bale flexing during sex now? Screw you guys, I’m normal.
