This is a third nipple that was discovered on the foot of a 22-year-old woman, along with “hair follicles, eccrine glands, and sebaceous glands,” as well as fat tissue. 22 with a nipple on her foot — if she was also Asian, I think we’ve found Quentin Tarantino’s ideal woman. Reached for comment, he had this to say. |via Gizmodo|

MORNING LINKS

Check out our latest Frotcast, as Laremy & I discuss Cowboys & Aliens, and Burnsy introduces us to the most terrible songs in the world. |Frotcast|

The best of “Haters Gonna Hate.” |Uproxx|

‘Ghostfellas’ reality show would pit guidos vs. ghosts. Good God that sounds horrible. |WarmingGlow|

Hulk Hogan is planning a show around fake wrestling with midgets. |WithLeather|

Boobs don’t work that way: a tumblr about baffling boobs. |GammaSquad|

Football is back and so are Rex Ryan posts. Today I’m proud to be an American. |KSK|

What happens if we don’t raise the debt ceiling — the government actually defaulted once before, in 1979. |MentalFloss|

You’ll never believe this, but Jennifer Love Hewitt has a big ol’ butt. I’d still hit it. |TheSuperficial|

Mindi Smith will take her top off and spread her ass cheeks for your amusement. |Gorillamask|

Kurt Loder explains the internet to 1995. |TheDailyWhat|

Someone’s organizing a zombie-themed 5K run. I’m all for this, as long as you dorks run away from me. |Videogum|

Here’s proof that meter maids are assh*les and if we had any balls we’d run them out of town on a rail. |HolyTaco|

Martin Starr joins Community. Martin Starr rules. |ScreenJunkies|

Nominate for this week’s Comments of the Week. Subscribe to the Frotcast. Follow My Twitter.

After a few quiet, no doubt pensive years, it seems Kevin Costner is everywhere again. First he solved the oil spill (not really, but he did sell 32 of his oil-separating machines to BP), then got cast as Pa Kent in the Superman movie, and now he may be co-starring in the new Tarantino western, Django Unchained. With a little QT magic, this just might Travolta his ass back into relevance.  Here’s the scoop, from Deadline‘s Mike Fleming:

Kevin Costner is in negotiations to join a cast that is headed by Jamie Foxx, Christoph Waltz, Samuel L. Jackson and Leonardo DiCaprio. Costner is in talks play Ace Woody.

Ace Woody, a character so named for that thing Tarantino gets when he sees a girl with a shapely Morton’s Toe, OH!Bet you never expected a foot fetish joke in a Tarantino post! Whackety schmackety self-loathing.

He’s the sadistic trainer of the male fighting slaves who entertain the white patrons of Candyland as well as the female slaves who are forced to be prostitutes. The club and ranch are owned by Calvin Candie (DiCaprio) and Ace Woody is the one who pits the “mandingo” fighters against one another, and has little qualms about mistreating and even killing the slaves who don’t measure up.

Damn, it sounds like this Ace Woody tortures slaves like Mike Fleming tortures prose.

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Shock of all shocks, Beejoli Shah, the girl who dished in a mass email to friends about Quentin Tarantino’s chode of all chodes and the way he sucked on her toes while masturbating, will no longer be working at LA-based… uh… firm? Generate.  Other sites, as well as tipsters to this site, report that she was fired (“resigned”) immediately upon coming to work yesterday morning. Either way, the 20-something UC Berkeley grad will no longer be… uh…  helping “build full-service development, production, talent and research divisions helmed by industry veterans to provide media companies and brands with customized initiatives that meet marketing objectives and align strategic business goals,” whatever the ever-loving f*ck that means. (To whoever wrote that sentence, please, please, please blow your brains out).

Anyway, this was the predictable outcome (I predicted it, for instance, TOLDJA TOLDJA) of a story that began with an incredibly verbose email to 15 “friends.”  I could easily pin this all on her for doing a dumb thing and being kind of cunty, which she was, but that’s also just a convenient way for us web writers to absolve ourselves the responsibility of ruining this chick’s life (my rationalization du jour: if someone had sent me the original email, I probably wouldn’t have posted it, but once it’s already out there, people are just going to keep emailing me the link until I post something about it, and trying to take the moral highground by ignoring it would just be a bullsh*t way for me to feel superior).  You could argue she was trying to smear Tarantino, but I didn’t read it that way, and anyway, was anyone really all that surprised that Q-Ball is into freaky-deaky foot sex?  I feel bad for her that one of her Friendsicles (or one of the besties of someone she used to hook up with, whatever the case may be) was either dumb or callous enough to forward her email to someone like me.  The real victims here are the directors, with whom young chatty sluts might be less wont to sleep purely for story value (bad news, Brett Ratner). For their sake, I hope there’s a compromise, where girls will still hook up with famous dudes just to tell their friends about it, but now will include a don’t-forward-this-to-Gawker-like confidentiality statement in all future mass f*ck sexts.

I’m sure she’s learned her lesson at this point, so there’s no reason to pile on (unless she meets Robert Rodriguez at a Spy Kids wrap party and finds out he’s into that).  So instead I’ll simply say, best of luck, Beejoli. I know this is a trying time, but eventually you’ll land on your Britney.  Q’s in Brentwood will never be the same.

Brandon from BroBible sent this to me late yesterday and now, not surprisingly, it’s everywhere.  What we know is this: a woman who works in entertainment, who’s since been identified by Deadspin and others as Beejoli Shah (note: used to work in entertainment), sent an email to 15 (allegedly) recipients (many of whom forwarded it to websites), recounting the story of how she’d hooked up with Quentin Tarantino after meeting him at a party.  Highlights of the email (below) included her referring to her vagina as “my Britney”, saying Quentin had a “the most unnatractive” “nub-like” “chode” penis, as well as calling him a sweaty weirdo who looks like Frankenstein. Jeez, what does she call dudes she doesn’t hook up with? The coupe de ville was her claim that he’d asked her to let him suck on her feet while he tugged Mr. Purple until Mr. White showed up (after she’d refused to give him a Beejoli).

The only proof of this encounter are the photobooth pictures to your right (in which Gawker blacked out Shah’s face, presumably to protect the honor of girls who write dishy mass emails about celebrity peen).  So is her story true? Meant as a joke?  Viral marketing? (What’s with the script underneath the pictures, for instance?) You be the judge (I mean, not, like, legally…).  At the very least, she seems heavily influenced by the work of Chelsea Handler.

Friendsicles,
You are either getting this e-mail because I’ve promised I would tell you this story and haven’t yet, you’re besties with someone I used to hook up with, or because my need for attention and adulation has reached such an all time high that I decided to pick 15 of you at random to listen to this story (most likely explanation), but all the same, below is the (in)famous but true story of how I met Quentin Tarantino…Adam and Ethan [Shankman and Coen, I assume -Ed.], I’ll be expecting your short film script of this in my inbox in the next couple of weeks…
Wednesday, June 1st, 2011:
Get a BBM at 8 [Either "Blackberry Message" or "Big Bowel Movement"] in the morning from my friend Nicki [Hilton, obvi] telling me we’re going to a party in “the Hills” that night because the Yankees were in town [isn't this a Ke$ha song?]. But this party now presents a conundrum as a) I didn’t know people partied on Wednesdays because I’m uncool and b) I had just run out of clean underwear and hadn’t shaved my legs in three days, so I wasn’t really in a “party” sort of place. (what’s that you say? You’re surprised I’m single?) However, after being told to grow a pair, I decided to join the girls after work for this fiesta.
Party time rolls around that evening and despite being a Wednesday, and based on how many trashy girls in short dresses there are, it looks like the inside of any club in Las Vegas has vomited inside this music producer’s home. Minus all the hordes of Asians you get in real Las Vegas [Note: only Mongols travel in hordes, other Asians flock, like birds]. I spend my first hour at this party irritated at having to even be there [Like ugh, I was so over it], and then telling the Yankees picture Joba Chamberlain how he’ll never be as great as my beloved Brian Wilson. I think he may have called me a lesbian as I was walking away, but I guess you can’t blame him since I did choose to wear pants [This was DEFINITELY a scene in Scarface]. Anyways, I digress.
Heading back inside, bored out of mind [And not the only one, at this point...], I look over and notice Jamie Foxx and Quentin Tarantino have joined the melee.

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Remember that graph of M. Night Shyamalan’s career trajectory based on his movies’ RottenTomato scores over time?  Some Poindexter over at Slate put together an actual application that graphs actors’ and directors’ careers based on their RottenTomato scores.  Obviously, movies aren’t math, and as we’ve learned, most critics are stupid, but it’s still fun. Among their shocking discoveries, the highest average film score belongs to French actor Daniel Auteuil.  Among Americans and people you’ve actually heard of, the top spot belongs to John Ratzenberger.  That’s right, Cliff Clavin from Cheers.  It’s a little-known fact that John Ratzenberger is the best actor in America.

Best Actor: Daniel Auteuil. With an average film score of 86 percent, Auteuil has appeared in the most consistently high-quality films of the last few decades. The French star, best known for his role in Jean de Florette (1986), may benefit from the critical soft spot for foreign films. If you prefer to count only red-blooded Americans, the top honor goes to John Ratzenberger (76.1 percent average), who has voiced a character in every Pixar movie to date. [Slate]

Oh right, Pixar.  Meanwhile, if you throw out his voice work, he’s got scores of 0% (House II: The Second Story, starring Bill Maher, among others), 13% (for That Darn Cat, with Doug E. Doug), and who could forget the 2007 Jamie Kennedy vehicle, Kickin’ It Old Skool, which rated 2%.  The lone positive review came from Caroline Kepnes of E, who wrote, “This is the kind of movie in which a fat guy in a bra gets felt up by three guys at once,” which, to be fair, does make it sound pretty good. Meanwhile, worst actor honors go to Chuck Norris (20) and Jennifer Love Hewitt (18.9). Now, it was at this point in writing this post that I realized that this Slate article is from a few weeks ago, but I’ve included a few notable career graphs below, because God knows I’m not wasting all this work.
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