When I see “presented by Oprah and Tyler Perry” at the beginning of a trailer, like this one for Precious, I expect the movie to cure AIDs in Africa and teach an orphan the meaning of love.  And if you read the reviews, that’s basically what it does.  FilmSchoolReject‘s take is fairly representative: “The film is a wonder — a truly moving film that is as engaging and shockingly tragic, but so full of life as any film you will see this year.”

Based on the novel Push by Sapphire (yep, just Sapphire), Precious follows 16-year-old junior-high schooler Clareece Jones through her horribly depressing life, which includes getting beaten by her mother and being pregnant for the second time by her father. Far be it from me to ridicule such life-affirming fare, but I think that necklace was a mistake.  It makes her appear heavy.

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He’s Just Not That Into You (pictured, at left) led the weekend box office with $27.5 million, but only because it was a really good movie.  Sample reviews:

Yes, that’s an impressive collection of actors. And yes, it’s deflating to watch them wandering in and out of half-written scenes with no discernible direction. [NYDailyNews]

Ever noticed how many self-help books are limited to the insight expressed in their titles? You look at the cover, you know everything inside. The rest is just writing. I asked Amazon to “surprise me” with a page from inside the best-seller He’s Just Not That Into You, and it jumped me to page 17, where I read: “My belief is that if you have to be the aggressor, if you have to pursue, if you have to do the asking out, nine times out of 10, he’s just not that into you.”  I have tried, but I cannot imagine what was covered in the previous 16 pages of that book. I am reminded of the book review once written by Ambrose Bierce: “The covers of this book are too far apart.” [Roger Ebert]

It’s a star-encrusted vending machine that dispenses nuggets of conventional wisdom in zesty flavors. [Wall Street Journal]

Elsewhere, Taken remained a strong number two and Pink Panther 2 and Push both underperformed at numbers four and six.  All in all, not quite the harbinger of the apocalypse it could’ve been, when you consider that the number one movie this time last year was Fool’s Gold.
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It’s not that she doesn’t like them, she just disdains their child-like misinterpretation of the work of Kant.

Opening this weekend:
Push
Hmmm, a hip fraternity of attractive young mutants on the run from the government?  Where have I seen this before?  Oh right, everywhere.  The bad news is that this will bomb.  The good news is that Chris Evans may finally fire his agent.

Coraline
Hooray, something that might be worth seeing!  Though beware, it’s 3-D and involves people sewing buttons on their eyes.  Stone responsibly.

He’s Just Not That Into You
Planning on seeing this this weekend?  Congratulations, you’re a yuppie.

Pink Panther 2
Look, I love Steve Martin but I didn’t see a single f-cking panther in that entire trailer.  No panthers = not interested. As always.

Chocolate
“A special needs girl with a need to kick some ass.”  Nuff said.

Fanboys
Finally! I’ve been waiting two years to not see this!  Oh and hey, there’s a Harry Knowles character in there.  You know, I’ve always said that what that guy needs is a greater sense of his own importance.

In this new poster for Push, Chris Evans tilts the camera… WITH HIS MIND!  Man, no one in Hollywood can make a face that says “telekinesis!” like he can.  What an actor.  What a talent.

Sidenote: What the f-ck is the guy in the background supposed to be shooting at?  Hopefully the guy who greenlit this.

[via IMPA]

^{Homophobic Turtle sez: “Pansies. Real men fight with their shirts off.  What?  You fags don’t watch UFC?”}

In this new clip from Push (video after the jump), the male Kate Hudson (Chris Evans) starts getting beat up… with mind fists!  Then, he must be all out of mind knives, because he tries to stab him, but Chris Evans turns into Guile from Street Fighter and starts doing some sonic booms and crap.  Then at the 0:45 mark, the guy tries some jiu-jitsu (though mind jitsu is clearly his forte) and goes for the arm lock.  But Chris Evans rolls out of it, because let’s be serious, you’re not going to sink that kind of submission without hip control, I mean come on.  And then after that, well, it just gets kind of silly.

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