Falkor me sideways! Neverending Story Dog is my new favorite! It’s funny, I saw an old naked man at my gym trying to make a video just like this using his crotch and a blow dryer, but it wasn’t nearly as cute. Frankly, it was kind of gross.

Don’t you wish there was a pill that could make them stay puppies forever? Get to work, scientists.

[via]

I found this mesmerizing. Thanks to Andrew for sending it.

MORNING LINKS
A Joe Namath Inspired Wet Cheerleader Gallery. Well sure. |With Leather|

A Golden Treasury of Avengers Photoshops |Gamma Squad|

Listen to us talk sphincters grown on rats and soulless corporate speak on this week’s |Frotcast|

What’s Up with All the Beautiful Celebrity Women in Uncomfortable Poses? |UPROXX|

Jersey Shore: The Musical |Warming Glow|

Childish Gambino Performs “Let Me Dope You” at Rock the Bells |Smoking Section|

Brad Pitt has a super-hot assistant. Do you think that guy can even see ugly people? |TheSuperficial|

January Jones: Probably an A-hole. |Videogum|

Here’s a flow chart on what NFL team you should root for. It’s impressive yet also lazy. |Buzzfeed|

Graphing worn-out theater trends. |MentalFloss|

Need more Full Metal Jacket with puppies pictures. via AfternoonSnoozeButton

Trailer for part two of Ricky Gervais’s An Idiot Abroad. |TheDailyWhat|

Awesome kid trolls Kardashian wedding report. |GorillaMask|

How to Make a Mockbuster |Adult Swim|

20 Best Things in Your 90′s Lunchbox |Buzzfeed|

Once Again, Hawaii Named Happiest State in the Union |FARK|

25 self picture fails. |HolyTaco|

5 Classic Films That Feature Libya. |ScreenJunkies|

5 Oddly Specific “Ologists” You Can Hire Right Now |The Smoking Jacket|

15 Beloved Childhood Characters as Villains |Unreality|

Nominate for Comments of the Week. Subscribe to the Frotcast. Follow me on Twitter.

I don’t really know how to describe this video at all, but that’s probably why it’s so cool.  The description is “an animation about a scientist in a computerized cave.”   My description is, “if you get really high and watch this, you’ll probably crap your pants.”

DAILY CIRCLE JERK LINKS

• Let Chodin teach you how to “sext like a coital champion.”  Just don’t give him your phone number. |Uproxx|
• Did you see the Tina Fey “brownie husband” sketch?  You should. |SmokingSection|
• Awesome job alert: cheerleader judge. |WithLeather|
• South Korea takes steps to battle video game addiction epidemic. |GammaSquad|
• If you don’t laugh at this video, you are dead. (I meant that more as a diagnosis than a threat, in case it was unclear). |WarmingGlow|
• Standing musketeer cat is the legitest. |CollegeHumor|
• Steely McBeam accused of sexual assault at a Pittsburgh gay bar. |SportsPickle|
• Is this guy a real-life Jedi? |DoubleViking|
• Al Gore ambushed by O’Reilly Factor video. This never would’ve happened to Viking Gore. |InsideTV|
• The 10 silliest pro wrestling characters of all time. |Guyism|
• 5 crappy monster face off movie trailers. |Pajiba|
• Heidi Montag to be “a huge action star.”  Honestly, can we shoot these people out of a cannon yet? |Fark|
• 25 girls in terrible pants. |HolyTaco|

Puppy via f*ckyeahEnglishBulldog

Sorry folks, there’s just too much news this afternoon for me to romance all of them, so I’m just gonna give each a few quick thrusts and then pass out and hog the bed.

Zach Galifianakis is attached to Miracle Workers, “a supernatural comedy about a guy who is put on a path that has him posing as an exorcist with a pal. The two think they’ve got a good thing going until they’re faced with a real menace.”  Expect Linda Blair to cameo, sucking a prosthetic crucifix out of his ass on an elevator. |ThePlaylist|

Taylor Lautner drops out of Max Steel to focus on Stretch Armstrong.  Hey, isn’t Stretch Armstrong just a cheap knock-off of the main dude from Fantastic Four?  That sounds like a recipe for suck-cess.  Meanwhile, commenter Pauly is still available for the role of Mex Steal. |Vulture|

First pictures of Andy Serkis and Simon Pegg as Burk & Hare, a pair of Irish murderers who killed at least 17 people in 1827-8.  John Landis plans to turn the story into a screwball comedy.  To be fair, it wasn’t that hard to kill Irish people in the 1800s.  You just had to take away their potatoes and watch them refuse to eat fish. *cough* You live on an island! *cough, cough* |/Film|

Nicole Kidman joins Adam Sandler and Jennifer Aniston in Just Go for It.  I wouldn’t pay $12 to see this, but I’d pay $12 to hit the guy who wrote it in the nuts.  Film that, add record scratch, voila! Sequel.  |Yahoo|

Broken Lizard have signed a deal for Rogue Scholars.  Which is basically Super Troopers with college professors.  Hey, Farva, you want tenure?  Better beer bong this maple syrup, ya chicken f*cker PACAWK!  …Which is to say that I’ll most likely see it. |THR|

OH MY GOD I WANT TO HUG THIS PUPPY. |source|

SITE NEWS: I’m trying to get a weekend preview post up, but my Internet is going in and out faster than your retarded sister’s tampon. Time Warner’s service is apparently spottier than your mom’s period.  So don’t hold your period.  I mean breath.

Apparently in the 60s, Canada had a show called Skippy, about a kangaroo who was sort of a hopped-up version of Lassie.  Also, he plays the drums.  You just got served, Marmaduke. [via OhHaveYouSeenThis]

DAILY CIRCLE J LINKS:

• FINALLY, someone built a flying car.  It’s about effing time.  X-Ray specs here we come. |GammaSquad|
• Naked chicks and sloths?  Photographer Terry Richardson has the best job in the world.  (video NSFW) |KSpaceTV|
• 8 kinds of drug dealers. |CollegeHumor|
• 25 creepy mall Santas and your dad. |HolyTaco|
• Let Jimmy Fallon fill you with holiday cheer and semen. |WarmingGlow|
• Topless girl flashes car, gets hit by one.  Do NOT let this be a lesson to you, ladies. |FListed|
• Trailer for Avatar the game. |G4|
• Nine life lessons from Goodfellas.  Number one?  GET YOUR F*CKIN SHINE BOX!  |ScreenJunkies|
• The weirdest Digg stories of the year. |Neatorama|

(pictured: Cassidy, your random Twitter puppy of the day)