David O. Russell’s critically-beloved boxing film The Fighter finally opens today, and if there’s one thing film critics like more than boxing metaphors, it’s boxing metaphors to describe a movie about boxing.  It’s so on the nose, much like punches from the famous boxer Marky Mark.  Now then, who wants a glass of Pun Punch?  It’s Wahl-to-Wahl action!

“Wahlberg delivers knockout performance in ‘The Fighter’”. [BONUS WORDPLAY!]: “You can have actors wall-to-wall with Massachusetts accents, but you have to put them on those streets and front porches for the knockout punch.” -Jeff Simon, BuffaloNews

“Christian Bale gives a knockout performance in ‘The Fighter’” [BONUS PUN!] “Mark Wahlberg and Christian Bale’s “The Fighter” is a punch-drunk tale whose fitful ramble from Jerry Springer-style family seaminess to “Rocky”-like triumph is elevated enormously by knockout performances.”-David Germain, AP

“REVIEW: Bale’s knockout performance makes ‘Fighter’ a contender.” [BOOM, DOUBLE PUN! SHOOT ME UP, I NEED MORE PUNS!] “If prizes were handed out to boxing films, “Rocky” would still hold the championship title. Every few years, however, a new boxing film emerges that tries to be a legitimate contender. I haven’t seen one that knocked me out in a long time, but “The Fighter” comes pretty close.” [WHO'S THE BOXER NOW? I'M SO CONFUSED!] -Richard Karpala, Aurora Sentinel

“‘The Fighter’ has a knockout performance in a big week for little films” -Liquida

“Googley-eyed Christian Bale gives a knockout performance” [DOUBLE BONUS PHOTO CAPTION PUN]: “PUNCH-DRUNK LOVE: Brothers Dicky (Christian Bale, left) and Micky (Mark Wahlberg) in The Fighter.” -Curt Holman, CL Atlanta

“Review: ‘The Fighter’ is a knockout” [NOT GOOD ENOUGH, I NEED ANOTHER PUNCH DRUNK LOVE PUN, CUT ME, MICK!] “THE MEMBERS of ex-fighter Dicky Eklund’s family are so punch-drunk with love for the charming bad boy that they won’t acknowledge the dangerous road he’s on.” -Claudia Puig, Mercury News

‘The Fighter’: Wahlberg, Bale and Co. deliver knockout performances -Roger Moore, Orlando Sentinel

“‘The Fighter’ An Oscar Knock-Out” [BOOYAH!] So it’s a holiday feast of blue-collar, but blue-ribbon actors all trying to out-do each other in what is a veritable Oscar smack-down and SUCCEEDING mightily. Each landing punch after thespic (acting) punch in this knock-out of a movie! [I THINK I JUST PISSED BLOOD!] -Stephen Holt, StephenHoltShow

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(In this year’s Caricature of a White Person contest, Carell was simply outclassed.)

If there’s one thing former SI columnist (or possibly current, who can even tell nowadays) Rick Reilly knows, it’s horrible puns that ruin your day and make you sad about life.  His latest day ruiner is the title of his novel, Missing Links, a “golf” “comedy” that’s soon to be a movie starring Steve Carell.

Reilly’s 1997 comedic novel tells of the group of bumblers who, after playing for years at a run-down municipal golf course in a working-class Boston neighborhood, concoct a series of schemes that they hope will lead to them teeing off at a nearby elite club.

Carell will produce via his Carousel Prods banner, “The Break-Up” scribe Jay Lavender is writing the screenplay, with Carell loosely attached to star. [THR]

Reilly last dabbled in movies when he wrote the screenplay for Leatherheads, which wasn’t so much “funny” or “good” as it was “diarrhea-inducingly cutesy.”  And I say that with a staunch record of being willing to drink (Leatherheads director) George Clooney’s bathwater.  Now Reilly wants us to sit through a movie about guys whose ultimate goal is to play at a nicer golf course.  Reached for comment, Jon Heder and Conan O’Brien said, “F-ck, that’s the whitest idea I’ve ever heard.”  The worst part is, with a title like Missing Links, an unfrozen caveman golfer script practically writes itself.  Shame on you, Rick Reilly.

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Russell Brand (CUT YOUR GD HAIR!) is set to supply the voice of the Easter bunny in I Hop – a project that got greenlit when it should’ve gotten the guy who thought of it socked in the arm. (*sigh*) No one has good friends anymore.

Tim Hill, who previously mixed live action and CGI characters on “Alvin and the Chipmunks,” will direct.
Tale revolves around an out-of-work slacker who runs over the Easter Bunny while driving home late. Since the bunny can’t hop with a broken leg, the slacker is pressed into duty to save Easter. The film becomes a two-hander between the iconic holiday critter and the slacker, each of whom is running from adulthood. [Variety]

I hope Tim Allen plays the guy who has to become the Easter Bunny. Each day his ears get a little longer and he gets a little fuzzier. And one day he’ll be sitting on the marriage counselor’s couch with his wife and the doctor will ask, “So how’s your love life?”  And his wife will giggle, “Actually, doc, it’s the strangest thing, I don’t know what’s come over him, but ever since a week ago, we’ve been making love like rabbits!”  (*canned laughter*)

Also: Wouldn’t this be a funnier concept if the Easter Bunny ran over some loser and then had to take over his job at IHOP?  “Hey, Bunny, where the f*ck is my lingonberry butter?”  So ironic.