The news last week was that Punisher: War Zone director Lexi Alexander was MIA during the Comic-Con panel.  The rumor going around was that she’d been kicked off the project.  But according to CHUD, the story was all part of a scheme.  A scheme whose needless complexity was equaled only by its complete retardation.

With Punisher: War Zone, all of the signs point to a worst-case scenario: behind the scenes infighting, recuts, honeymoons, studio spin and the like. All the dust kicked up at Comic-Con has got everybody in a tizzy, but a few days ago I had a chance to speak to someone very close to the film, and that contact assured me – without knowing I’m in the position I am to disseminate this kind of information – that most of the drama is a bunch of hooey. Hype. Hullabaloo drummed up to generate more interest in the film. Lexi Alexander is still the director and the cut will be locked in a couple weeks.

I’m inclined to believe this is bogus for a number of reasons, not the least of which is the author’s use of “hullabaloo”, “hype”, and “hooey”.  Just seems like someone’s overcompensating.  But if it is true, spreading the rumor that your film is a hacked-up disaster is probably the stupidest marketing scheme in the history of the world.  Hey, did you guy’s hear about Tony’s Pizza?  Yeah, I heard about Tony’s Pizza, I heard rats shit in the dough.  Well I heard Tony stirs the sauce with his dick.  Dude, my cousin’s friend Steve ate a slice of Tony’s pizza last Saturday?  His asshole fell off.  Psst, you think they’re buying this?  Oh yeah.  By this time next week everyone’s gonna know about Tony’s Pizza.  It will be the most talked about pizza place in the world… *maniacal laugh*

Director Lexi Alexander was conspicuously absent from the Comic-Con panel for Punisher: War Zone, with producer Gale Ann Hurd explaining her absence as “she’s on her honeymoon”.  This left many to wonder if she’d been kicked off the project. Harry from AICN claims Alexander has been “kicked to the curb”, and that the rap metal soundtrack in the red-band trailer was actually the studio’s idea. 

Lionsgate isn’t necessarily known for calming down. They’ve decided to market it HARD CORE – and they’ve decided to jettison the composer for the film in lieu of loud thrashing metal, because nothing says PUNISHER like raspy amps. 

Meanwhile, FilmSchoolRejects has an inside source of their own: 

* Lexi Alexander is not officially off the project, but she has been pulled away from it at this point.
* The problems began after Lexi turned in a cut for the first trailer that was not to the studio’s liking. When confronted about it, Lexi’s reaction was “childish” and unpredictably erratic. Apparently she has been making negative comments on her own personal blog about the production, even going as far as to compare working with the studio to an episode of Hell’s Kitchen. Now, when you go to LexiAlexander.com there is just a picture of the “See no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil monkeys,” her blog entries have been removed. So take that for what it’s worth.
* Currently, producer Gale Ann Hurd is spearheading an effort to get the film re-cut and make it more presentable for its release on December 5.
* Reportedly Hurd has brought in the editing team of The Incredible Hulk (which includes Rick Shaine, Vincent Tabaillon and John Wright).
* While it is clear that Marvel is gung-ho about delivering a quality product to the big screen in December, if the production cannot be salvaged it could lead to a limited release and a bigger DVD release.

I don’t have an inside source, because who really gives a shit.  If they really wanted to salvage this movie, they’d bring Dolph Lundgren back.  He and Tony Jaa could be partners… and they could work with a monkey… who can… smell… vampires.  Yeah. Dolph Lundgren and Tony Jaa battle evil with the help of their vampire-sniffing monkey.  Who knows sign language.  Come on, you know that would be better than this.