This week’s comments of the week winner gets PUNISHER: WAR ZONE on DVD, which hits stores March 17th (as does the fancy ass blue-ray, your highness).  Patton Oswalt says, “PUNISHER: WAR ZONE is THE BEST time I’ve had at the movies this year,” which is all the endorsement I need. I’d eat a cat turd if Patton dared me to.

As always, the way this works is, when you read a comment you think worthy of recognition, YOU nominate it by copy and pasting it in the comments section of this post (along with a link to that post, pretty please).  Then, the following Sunday/Monday, I’LL pick the winner from among the nominees. The winner gets a sweet prize.  (FYI, the nomination thread is always linked in the ABOUT section).

Let’s begin the runners-up rundown, shall we?  From ECONOMIC DOWNTURN CAUSES BLINGYNESS DECLINE:

Al says, “A Ubell-Meyer Oscar party? I call baloney.”

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The only new movies opening in wide release over the weekend were Punisher: War Zone and Cadillac Records, which finished at numbers eight and nine, respectively (full top ten below).  Hopefully they’ll just keep rebooting the Punisher franchise until they get it right – hey, I hear Will Smith’s son is available.  Oh yeah, and that godawful abortion Four Christmases landed in the top spot for the second week in a row.  First Fred Claus, now this.  Congratulations, America, you’ve made it possible for Vince Vaughn to make one shitty movie a year at Christmas time and dick around the other 11 months.  Which is great for Vince Vaughn and the manufacturers of home pregnancy and STD tests, but bad for we the viewers.  All I want for Christmas is good Vince Vaughn movies, and to not get STDs. Is that so much to ask?  Please, just say no to Christmas movies.  And PCP.

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After all we’ve seen and heard about Punisher: War Zone, I thought it couldn’t look get any shittier. But then they released this TV spot. If nothing else, it proves that editing around the bad guy up until now was a good decision. Also, I think that dude on the left just saw a cockroach.

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Here’s a “special exclusive clip” from Punisher: Shitstorm that director Lexi Alexander picked “just for you” (no wink? have you learnt nothing from Sarah Palin?). It’s pretty obvious that what’s going on here. After all the rumors of a feud between the studio and the director, the marketing department wants it to look like Lexi Alexander still has creative control. “Oh, hello. I didn’t see you there. I was just hanging out in the editing bay, you know, as I do…”

The clip is fairly short and has no dialogue, just cheesy ass music and people getting shot old timey western style. And it still manages to be pretty boring. In fact, I haven’t been this bored by people getting shot since the last time I shot some people and then I was all like, “Whatever.”

[via FSR]

There’s been a steady stream of rumors about Punisher: War Zone. First, there were supposed fights that resulted in the studio firing the director.  Next, the rumor was that the previous rumor about fights was just part of an elaborately retarded PR campaign.  Today, the fight seems to be back on, and the sticking point is that the studio wants a PG-13 movie.  Supposedly.  Which would be odd considering the previously-released R-Rated trailer had that the whole chair-leg-in-the-eyeball thing.  Via LatinoReview:

One of my contacts deep within the bowels of Hollywood and close to the Punisher: War Zone project (source will not be named. Sorry!) told me today that the big fight over the Punisher project is Lionsgate wants a PG-13 cut to be released.  And I’m betting it’s the Dark Knight impact having something to do with this internal battle over the cut of the film. Dark Knight is PG-13 and made a ton of money.

Jesus Christ, people are idiots.  It wouldn’t surprise me to see an alternate cut of My Best Friend’s Girl with Kate Hudson in Joker makeup.