Along with another bout of crippling diarrhea for me, today brings us the first picture of Evangeline Lilly, aka Freckles from Lost, in the first official shot of the elf warrior Tauriel in The Hobbit: They Get Even Closer to the Mountain This Time The Desolation of Smaug. Wait, is this seriously going in the movie? Or was it some Make-A-Wish kid’s wish to be the costume designer for a day? Take away the ears and she could play Merida from Brave at Disneyland.

“She’s slightly reckless and totally ruthless and doesn’t hesitate to kill,” says Lilly. She’s also not found anywhere in J.R.R. Tolkien’s original fantasy novel, or in any of Tolkien’s other writings for that matter. Director Peter Jackson and his co-writers on the Hobbit trilogy, Fran Walsh and Philippa Boyens, invented the character to expand the world of the elves of Mirkwood Forest — and to bring some more female energy to the otherwise male-dominated Hobbit narrative. “Tauriel is the head of the Elven Guard,” Lilly explains. “She’s a Sylvan Elf, which means she’s of a much lower order than the elves we all became acquainted with in The Lord of the Rings. She doesn’t hold the same kind of status that Arwen or Galadriel or Elrond or Legolas do — she’s much more lowly. She sort of goes against the social order of the elves a little bit.”

Tauriel isn’t only a fierce warrior; she has a softer side, too. “She will definitely have a love story,” Lilly says. “I can’t give away too much about it. It’s not a huge focus but it is there and it is important and it does drive Tauriel and her story and her actions.” Will that romance involve Orlando Bloom’s Legolas, by any chance? Lilly won’t say definitively one way or the other, but she does offer this much: “Tauriel’s relationship with Legolas is significant. They’ve known each other since they were children, and Legolas’ dad, [Elven king] Thranduil, has a soft spot for Tauriel.” [EntertainmentWeekly]

It’s nice that they’re adding to Tolkien’s story, considering the original book doesn’t have anywhere near the amount of material to support three three-hour films. Though it’d be cooler if their addition didn’t seem like another stock character. And if her outfit didn’t look like a little girl’s Halloween costume. But after the last Hobbit, I guess we should just be happy that she doesn’t have a big goiter or bird shit running down the side of her face.

Here’s the first official picture of Dane DeHaahn, taking over the Harry Osborn role in Spider-Man B/2 (aka The Amazing Spider-Man 2), which is out May 2nd, 2014, and stars Jamie Foxx as Electro with Marc Webb making an ill-advised return to the director’s chair.

DeHaan plays Harry Osborn, the character played by James Franco in Sam Raimi‘s Spider-Man trilogy that soon took up after his father and went all Green Goblin on the city. There is no word, only rumors, as to whether or not Osborn will don the Goblin suit in this latest installment, but my assumption is he won’t.
The Amazing Spider-Man 2 will be released in theaters on May 2, 2014 and finds Andrew Garfield returning as Peter Parker, whose life is busy – between taking out the bad guys as Spider-Man and spending time with the person he loves, Gwen (Emma Stone), high school graduation can’t come quickly enough. Peter hasn’t forgotten about the promise he made to Gwen’s father to protect her by staying away – but that’s a promise he just can’t keep. Things will change for Peter when a new villain, Electro (Jamie Foxx), emerges, an old friend, Harry Osborn (DeHaan), returns, and Peter uncovers new clues about his past. [RopeofSilicon]

I don’t have enough juice left in my inhaler to speculate as to what kind of Harry Osborn Dehaahn will play, but it’s interesting that ever since his memorable turn in Chronicle, he’s been Hollywood’s go-to guy whenever they need a kid to be broody and complex. They even smoothed out his hair, so unlike Chronicle or Place Beyond the Pines, we’ll finally get to see if he’s got the acting chops, or if it was just his unkempt scalp doing all the work all this time. He’s like a little porcelain hobo doll. He still has a ways to go yet in terms of disheveled charm, but he’s young. As of now, on a scale of one to Sam Rockwell, I’d rate him a half Ruffalo.

This week, I was planning to lead with Guy Pearce’s new Iron Man 3 poster, where he’s dramatically pulling off his sunglasses like David Caruso in CSI Miami. I like to lead with a movie people have heard of so they’ll click through, and that seemed like the obvious choice. But then I saw White T here, and it simply could not be denied. Just look at this goddamned masterpiece. Do I know what it’s about? Not really. But I know it’s got Weensie from Old School and his similarly portly brother dressed in matching, sockless plaid shants ensembles fighting over a t-shirt with the tagline “Big Dreams…Big Seams.” What does this white t represent? Why would they be fighting over the same white t when they’re both already wearing identical white tees? Is it a battle over who gets a change of clothes? A metaphorical struggle for identity? I can’t say. Point being, this poster is practically bloated with ambiguity, which doesn’t soften my desire to see it one bit. This, my friend, is how you sell the sizzle, not the steak.

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This is one of five new character posters for Spring Breakers released this week, this one for Vanessa Hudgens’ character, Candy. I may be reading into this too much, but this seems a little sexually suggestive to me. Am I crazy? Then again, as Freud once said, “Sometimes a nubile, half-naked teen shooting a finger pistol into her eager mouth is just a a nubile, half-naked teen shooting a finger pistol into her eager mouth.”
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We haven’t talked much about the Mad Max sequel, Fury Road, probably because we’ve been hearing rumors about it since 2007. At one point it was supposedly being developed as a 3D film in conjunction with a videogame, and was reported to have a $100 million budget. No word on the videogame thing, but all the other stuff seems to have been true. It stars pillow-lipped superstar Tom Hardy (who, to the production’s credit, was hired long before The Dark Knight Rises made him a household name), Charlize Theron, and Nicholas Hoult, and principal photography, under original Mad Max (and Happy Feet) director George Miller, wrapped Monday. The picture above (via AICN) is a gift Hardy gave the crew on the last day of shooting. A signed picture of yourself? Jeez, presumptuous much? Why not a used hanky? Anyway, Mad Max: Fury Road is scheduled to open in 2014, presumably after a long break to add vroom-vroom sounds.

Mad Max: Fury Road has completed principal photography after a six-month shoot in Namibia and South Africa.
It is the fourth film in the Mad Max series, which originally made Mel Gibson a star, and will attempt to revive the apocalyptic franchise after almost 30 years. Fury Road follows Mad Max (Tom Hardy), who is caught up with a group of people fleeing across the Wasteland in a war rig driven by Imperator Furiosa (Charlize Theron), according to a report by South Africa’s National Film & Video Foundation. [IF.au via ThePlaylist]

So, uh… is it cold in this future desert? Because he looks a little overdressed. Scarves to protect your delicate neck meat from a sun and sand burn seems a tad precious for a post-apocalyptic wasteland, but maybe it’s must me.

In any case, if “Fury Road” succeeds in reviving the franchise, they’re going to need new titles. Lots of them. No one uses simple numbers anymore. Luckily, I’ve got some suggestions:

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