(Story updated, 10/19/2011, 2:14 pm et — scroll to bottom for the latest)

General Motors is looking to get together with a Hollywood studio to remind us why we go to the movies: to see two-hour commercials! The car company, of which 27 percent is owned by the government, is reportedly in talks with WB to bankroll a Cannonball Run remake. That sounds great, new ideas are for assholes.

From Vulture:

Producer Al Ruddy (The Godfather, Million Dollar Baby) is producing the project, and the Fox-based Shawn Levy (Real Steel) has expressed interest, wanting it anchored by his Night at the Museum star, Ben Stiller. However, we’re told that that Levy is second in line to Warner Bros.’ go-to action-comedy director Guy Ritchie, who is considering taking it on and envisions it with Brad Pitt starring with some of his Ocean’s 11 confreres.

So Brad Pitt and Guy Ritchie, but if that doesn’t work out, Ben Stiller and Shawn Levy. Uh huh, sure. 10 bucks says by the time this gets made, they’ll be down to Brett Ratner and the dude from Burn Notice.

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Here’s the latest creation from our video editor, Oliver, A Brief History of Conspicuous Product Placement in Movies. Yes, it’s a little less fart-jokey than you may be used to from us, but hopefully just as entertaining.  “In our latest FilmDrunk mashup, we’ve replaced the nutshots with… education.  Let’s see if anyone notices!”

I’m a little offended that he referred to the Teddy Bear Alien McDonald’s Dance Party scene from Mac & Me as “an atrocity”, when clearly it’s one of the finest scenes in all of cinema, but otherwise it’s quite educational.  I figured the product placement parody scene in Wayne’s World would be in there, but did you know the “All restaurants are Taco Bell” scene in Demolition Man was replaced with a horribly-dubbed version that said “Pizza Hut” for the European version?  Or that one of the biggest product placement whores of all time is Michael Bay?  Okay, that second one you probably already knew.

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I never would’ve guessed it after watching Shia LaBeouf chug a five-hour energy, down a Patron shot, drink a Heineken, and then wink at the camera, but according to a new revelation, Oliver Stone’s Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps got paid for product placement. I know it sounds like Star Wars, love, but it’s true.

Oliver Stone said Wednesday that his “Wall Street” sequel benefited “enormously” from product placement, which helped expand a tight budget without compromising the integrity of the film.

Of course not.  All critiques of greed should include copious advertisements.  “Sad about the bailout, Winnie?  Here, have an ice cold, triple-hops brewed Heineken.  That always cheers me up when I’m feeling down.”

“Fox is known as a tight studio,” he said. “We needed help, and we took it where we could without, I think, prostituting the movie.
“No big, big cash, no Gillette shaving cream,” he added. “There was no scene that we did out of the way specifically to accommodate.”

What could I do? I was like a monkey dancing on a razor blade. We didn’t sell our souls.  It’s not like Shia Labeouf had to cut off a fing–

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This is a screencap from the latest 2012 clip to hit the web (watch it below).  The great thing about Roland Emmerich is that even within scenes of carnage on a global scale, he doesn’t forget the little things. “Oh my God, the western seaboard is on fire and falling into the ocean!  AND MY SHOE’S UNTIED!”

He also doesn’t seem to care how blatant his product placement is.  Not only is there this closeup of the Bentley logo, it’s accompanied by a “ting!” sound effect like it’s the tooth sparkle in an old Colgate ad.  “Hooray, save us from disaster, magic car!”

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At a recent event, LG’s president of mobile products Juno Cho was showing off his company’s big money sponsorship deal with Transformers when he invited Michael Bay onstage in front of LG employees.  At which point…

Michael was warmly applauded.  Casually dressed, he seemed at ease as he took the mic, said hello, then said, “I have some big news: I’ve just been named the next CEO of LGE…”  The crowd laughed.
Michael smiled again saying “No.  Seriously – I don’t know anything about mobile phones.  In fact, look at my phone (which he held up) – it’s a Thirty-Nine dollar Samsung”
You could feel Mr Cho’s anger from across the room.  LG people ran to get phones, Mr. Cho went up to Michael (who seemed oblivious to the enormous slap he’d just delivered to every LG employee’s face) and said, “Here, now you have an LG phone” and gave him his own personal device.  He took the mic back and quickly wrapped up the disastrous press conference. But not before Michael could dish out a little more pain…”but all my contacts are in the other one” he said in a petulant voice.
Making matters even worse, I later heard that they’d even scripted all Michael’s remarks but for whatever reason, maybe because he’s retarded or perhaps he’s just a total jerk, he elected to trash LG instead [Ed. Note: We get it, buddy, he used the wrong phone, put your tampon back in.]

Dude, what did you expect when you brought out Michael Bay?  You can just tell the guy grips it and rips it; he lives life with a lot of flair.  Does he know what he’s doing today?  No.  Does he know what product he’s selling today?  No.  But he’s here, and he’going to give it is his best shot.  As a kid, Michael Bay was always more interested in what BARK was made out of on a TREE…