We’ve already heard about Clash of the Titans and Harry Potter, you can now add Warner Bros’ Green Lantern and Zack Snyder’s Sucker Punch to the list of movies hurriedly converted to 3D.  Said studio execs, “Could you also make the Green Lantern a giant blue kitty?  Audiences really seem to respond to that.”  Meanwhile, /Film hears from Ridley Scott’s art director that his Alien prequel will also shoot in 3D.

And why not?  The only person who loves 3D more than Hollywood execs is your mom’s orifices.  3D may not make sense in every case, or even most cases, but it allows them to charge you five bucks more for a ticket, and that’s all they care about.  Money money money.  I’m not even exaggerating; Harvey Weinstein would cut a kitten’s belly open if he thought there was a nickel in it.  True story, I’ve seen him do it.  Afterwards, they fed it to George Lucas.

Well this is big news.  It’s been rumored for a while that Fox wanted to do an Alien remake with Ridley Scott producing.  But today Variety reports that the plan is actually for a prequel, and Ridley Scott will direct.  To put that in perspective, it’s basically like if Robert Plant agreed to sing for a Led Zeppelin cover band.  Somehow Ridley Scott went from being the guy who turned down both Alien sequels to the guy who’ll make prequels, movies about Monopoly – whatever studio execs want. (*whispers*) I think he might be a replicant.

The film will be a direct prequel to Scott’s original 1979 film. This leads me to believe that the film will tell the story of the crew of the empty ship that is discovered in the first film. In a 2002 interview, Scott wanted to return “to where the alien creatures were first found and explain how they were created.” [/Film]

You know what are super cool?  Sharks.  You know what’s not that interesting?  The story of how sharks were created.  Jesus made the aliens, just like he designed Kirk Cameron’s banana and was the original sharkitecht behind shark week.  Origin stories are stupid.