After being bumped from its original December 2012 release, the

I haven’t read the book, but from what I understand, it’s an oral history of a zombie apocalypse told after the fact. The movie is set during the zombie outbreak, with Brad Pitt trying to find out what caused the zombies to become zombies, while stuff explodes around him as graphs and helpful expository dudes tell us how many people have died and Brad Pitt runs and runs. It all feels very Nic Cage. Have you noticed that in movies, “racing against the clock” always involves a lot of actual racing? They should just hire the world’s foremost scientist, Usain Bolt.

Meanwhile, Brad Pitt’s daughter in this may win the son-in-Homeland Memorial Award for being a verbose rube. “Daddy, I’m scared!” Wait, you mean you’re scared of the horde of murderous zombies trying to beat down the door as we cower in this tiny panic room? Gee, what a fresh observation, honey! This changes everything! You’re just the one to lead us out of this mess, we’ll start by declaring you the Empress of Obvioustown.

Read the rest of this entry »

Author’s rendering. I haven’t seen it, so I just assumed the ass baby looks like Danny Masterson.

My biggest regret of the SXSW festival, other than leaving my credit card in a bar that didn’t open for the next two days, was not being able to catch Milo, a movie starring Party Down‘s Ken Marino, whose actual festival synopsis was “A man discovers that his chronic stomach problems are due to the fact that he has a demon baby living in his colon.” (*sigh*) I know that feel, bro.

Well now you might actually have a chance to see it, as Magnet has acquired the distribution rights.

The sale for MILO was completed late Friday night, making it the last deal to close during this year’s SXSW.
Directed by Jacob Vaughan, written by Vaughan and Benjamin Hayes, Duncan’s (Ken Marino) life is a real pain in the ass.  Tormented by manipulative, crooked boss (Patrick Warburton), a nagging mother (Mary Kay Place), a deadbeat new age dad (Stephen Root), and a sweet, yet pressuring, wife (Gillian Jacobs), his mounting stress starts to trigger an insufferable gastrointestinal reaction.  Out of ideas and at the end of his rope, Duncan seeks the help of a hypnotherapist (Peter Stormare), who helps him discover the root of his unusual stomach pain: a pintsized demon living in his intestine that, triggered by excessive anxiety, forces its way out and slaughters the people who have angered him.  Out of fear that his intestinal gremlin may target its wrath on the wrong person, Duncan attempts to befriend it, naming it Milo and indulging it to keep its seemingly insatiable appetite at bay. [official press release]

Ken Marino, Patrick Warburton, Peter Stormare (aka Karl Hungus), Stephen Root, and Gillian Jacobs is an unstoppable cast. Unfortunately, Magnet has a history of acquiring solid genre movies - Goon, Tim & Eric’s Billion Dollar Movie, Universal Soldier: Day of Reckoning, Hobo With a Shotgun, the list goes on – that it doesn’t seem like anyone has seen. They’re great at buying up smaller movies that deserve to be seen, but I’m not sure how good they are at actually getting those movies seen. For instance, now would be a great time to release a trailer. It’d be a real shame if the demon baby in Ken Marino’s ass didn’t get some eyeballs on it.

Read the rest of this entry »

This week, I was planning to lead with Guy Pearce’s new Iron Man 3 poster, where he’s dramatically pulling off his sunglasses like David Caruso in CSI Miami. I like to lead with a movie people have heard of so they’ll click through, and that seemed like the obvious choice. But then I saw White T here, and it simply could not be denied. Just look at this goddamned masterpiece. Do I know what it’s about? Not really. But I know it’s got Weensie from Old School and his similarly portly brother dressed in matching, sockless plaid shants ensembles fighting over a t-shirt with the tagline “Big Dreams…Big Seams.” What does this white t represent? Why would they be fighting over the same white t when they’re both already wearing identical white tees? Is it a battle over who gets a change of clothes? A metaphorical struggle for identity? I can’t say. Point being, this poster is practically bloated with ambiguity, which doesn’t soften my desire to see it one bit. This, my friend, is how you sell the sizzle, not the steak.

Read the rest of this entry »

This is one of five new character posters for Spring Breakers released this week, this one for Vanessa Hudgens’ character, Candy. I may be reading into this too much, but this seems a little sexually suggestive to me. Am I crazy? Then again, as Freud once said, “Sometimes a nubile, half-naked teen shooting a finger pistol into her eager mouth is just a a nubile, half-naked teen shooting a finger pistol into her eager mouth.”
Read the rest of this entry »

Forget the Justice League and DC Comics movie rumors for now, because we’re ready to just focus on the movies that have actually been made and will definitely be on large screens for us to view with our own eyes. Zack Snyder’s Man of Steel hits theaters on July 14, 2013, and the film is already being served with the lofty task of making us believe that Superman Returns never happened.

Seriously, I’m not just being a cynical jerkface, because that’s actually sort of the intention of Man of Steel. According to the film’s producer, Christopher Nolan, in a recent interview, he wants us to close our eyes, clear our minds and pretend like there has never been a Superman movie before. I have no problem doing this.

“We tried to approach this as though there’s never been a Superman movie before, but at the same time respecting the canon and mythology. There are the pillars that you have to respect, and I’m not about to break them. But it is fun for me to bend them and mess with them.”

Adding how important is for him to plunge into Clark Kent’s origins and depicting on screen in a very realistic way.

“Traditional Superman fans know what it’s all about, and they will hopefully love and associate with the character anyway. But the people who aren’t die-hard Superman fans still need to associate with the character, and that needs to have some realism in today’s world, certainly, in sense of a science as opposed to mythology attached to it as well.” (Via Shockya)

That might explain why in the newest Man of Steel poster released today, Superman is wearing handcuffs. Sure, you could argue that unless those handcuffs are made of kryptonite, they wouldn’t be able to hold Superman, but it’s because they want us to relate to Superman, the same way we relate to our meth addict cousin, G-Flavor, who keeps getting sent to prison. Oh well, I’ve got dibs on his egg nog this year.

Read the rest of this entry »