As I and everyone else in the world has covered more than enough already, Uwe Boll is pulling out all the stops to promote his new movie, including claiming that Stephen Spielberg and Michael Bay are creating multiple identities and signing the petition against him, and calling out Tom Tykwer, Gus Van Sant, and Michael Hanake as additional examples of filmmakers he’s better than. 

But who cares about that, the real story is that now you can win Vern Troyer’s hat!  The one he wears in that movie no one’s going to see! 

Hey, uh, anyone else wonder what the fuck the white silhouette cutout with the question mark thingie is?  Or what it has to do with winning his hat?  Did there used to be a spider monkey with elephantiasis in this picture?  Seriously, what the fuck, man.

[Thanks to Robo for the tip] 

B-movie director Uwe Boll (who famously participated in a boxing match with some of his toughest critics) has taken a typically batshit approach to promoting his next piece of crap movie, Postal (trailer here).

Bloody Disgusting reports that Boll has sent out an email saying Postal will be released on May 23rd, the same day as Indiana Jones.  Adding:

“On the Indiana Jones weekend – May 23 – we will go out and destroy Indiana Jones in the Box Office! We all know that Harrison Ford is older as my grandpa and his time is up – would Michael Moore say!”
“Spielberg gets sloppy. We saw that with War of the Worlds (why the fuck the older brother survived?) and also in parts of Jaws, E.T., Munich etc.! My performance in Postal as ‘Nazi Theme Park Owner’ outperforms easily Ben Kingsley in Schindler’s List!”

While I agree that War of the Worlds did suck, I’m a little curious as to how Uwe Boll is going to release this flick when he apparently can’t even afford a translator. I might also add that he talks a lot of crap for someone who’s been ducking me since August. 

As I’ve done in the past, I will once again post Uwe Boll’s email address (UBoll40163@aol.com).  Feel free to write to him any time, but be sure to mention that if he keeps refusing to fight me, I’ll be forced to conclude that he’s composed entirely of girl parts.  UPDATE: For comparison, this is what a real man’s thumb looks like.  Why yes, that is a Kitties of the Month Calendar in the back ground, why do you ask? DOUBLE UPDATE: For the record, I do not and would not advocate sending Mr. Boll hate mail – please keep your letters focussed on the fight.

Apparently, this is the new trailer for Postal, the latest movie from crappy director and big vagina haver Uwe Boll (email address UBoll40163@aol.com). 

It's what can only be described as a clusterf*ck.  Once when I was in high school, a friend of mine's father drove by a group of us trying to change a tire and said, "Jesus, you look like four monkeys trying to f*ck a football."  I think that's applicable here.

Mainly I just feel bad for Mini Me Verne Troyer.  I thought he was better than that.  His career has really Fred Dursted. 

It's never a good sign when a movie trailer has to scream about how offensive it is in the desperate hope someone will care.  Kind of like the time I jumped out of my van in front of little Miriam Miller and ripped open my trenchcoat to expose the goods, but all she did was shrug and go back to playing hopscotch.  That hurt me, man.  It was months before I could go back to teaching Sunday school.