(My mistake, this is actually a Birdemic, not a Robopocalypse, I must’ve gotten the slides mixed up.)
Dreamworks today bought the rights to an unpublished novel called Robopocalypse, which of course is the erotic story of the first lesbian to play in the WNBA.
The angry-robots story line has played out in movies such as the “Terminator” series, “I, Robot” and the two “Transformers” films [wrong, though we would've accepted "The Matrix." -Ed.]
But Daniel H. Wilson, an actual Ph.D. in robotics, has grounded his tale with a heavy degree of authenticity derived from real robot technology.
“Daniel H. Wilson’s cautionary tale of man versus machine grabbed us from the very beginning,” said Dreamworks’ Mark Sourian. “Wilson’s background in robotics and artificial intelligence grounds his story with a frightening level of realism.”
Wilson added: “Writing this novel is an incredible thrill, after spending years studying and thinking about robotics. My hope is that the story we tell will make the robots of the future proud of us humans.” [THR]
Let’s see, so you took the premise of a bunch of other science fiction movies and added more realism and a literal title? Well, done, man, that’s great. (*pats Wilson on the back while secretly taping “kick me i’m a huge dork” sign to it*) Wilson is also known for writing such previous titles as (and I’m not making any of these up): - How to Survive a Robot Uprising: Tips on Defending Yourself Against the Coming Rebellion, Bro-Jitsu: The Martial Art of Sibling Smackdown, - How to Build a Robot Army: Tips on Defending Planet Earth Against Aliens, Ninjas, and Zombies and - The Mad Scientist Hall of Fame: Muwahahaha! So congrats to Daniel Wilson, or, as he’s known to friends, “I thought I told you to stop calling here.”
A fourth Mad Max movie has been threatened for a long time now, but I didn’t start to take it seriously until The Daily Telegraph confirmed the production and director George Miller (who directed the first three) went on ABC news (the Australian one) to talk about it. He says that despite the recent rumors about Charlize Theron and Bronson’s Tom Hardy, no cast is confirmed. I’ve got the whole clip after the jump, but I wouldn’t recommend watching it because it’s really boring and the screencap above is about as much of the cars as you’re going to see.
Why am I not excited for Mad Max 4? Because they’ve already made this movie 100 times. George Miller made it three times himself. Neil Marshall made it last year, it was called Doomsday (for comparison, watch this clip and then watch this), with Rhona Mitra playing Mel Gibson. The original starred Mel Gibson as a cop wandering through a barren wasteland following an apocalyptic war. It’s a timeless story, because as any Gibson will tell you, the Jews are always starting wars. The only solution is having an awesome car.
UPDATE: THR has seemingly confirmed the production, reporting it has $100 million budget without studio backing. And no, I don’t know how that’s possible either.
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In a perfect world, we could judge The Book of Eli totally on its own merits without comparing it to The Road. But as a wise man named Will Smith once said, “Welcome da Earff.” It looks like they took The Road, a book that was unique in its approach to the apocalypse, and said, “Hey, know what’d make this way more awesome? Sword fights and bible references and Mila Kunis!” Thereby turning an unconventional approach to conventional subject matter into a really conventional approach to conventional subject matter. Or as I like to call it, a Vin Diesel movie. The upside is, instead of Vin Diesel, this one has Denzel Washington and Gary Oldman and Cheddar Bob from 8-Mile. Still, could use more tigers.
After the jump I’ve got the trailer for The Book of Eli, from the Hughes Brothers and Denzel Washington. The cool thing about Cormac McCarthy’s The Road is that it’s a post-apocalyptic story that isn’t really about what caused the apocalypse, nor is the plot concerned with saving humanity. Basically, it’s a post-apocalyptic story that isn’t a generic post-apocalyptic story. Meanwhile The Book of Eli looks like it began as someone reading The Road and then going, “hmmm, how can we turn this into a generic post-apocalyptic story?”
Denzel Washington stars as a lone warrior named Eli, who fights his way across the desolate wasteland of near-future America to realize his destiny and deliver the knowledge that can bring civilization back from the brink of destruction and save the future of humanity.
Denzel Washington is “the one,” you see, but the bad guys want to kill him. He’s like a cross between Jesus and Keanu Reeves! Haha, “a cross”, get it? Biblical references, everyone! (*fart sound*)
USA Today has a new batch of pictures of Denzell Washington in The Book of Eli, from the Hughes Brothers (who, unlike the Coen brothers, are actual brothers - the cool kind). If the pictures look familiar, it’s because this movie is a lot like The Road.
In a post-apocalyptic world, a lone hero (Washington) guards the Book of Eli, which provides knowledge that could redeem society. The despot of a small, makeshift town (Oldman) plans to take possession of the book. [Wiki]
In this frame, says co-director Allen Hughes, Elie comes upon a fork in the road. “Eli’s iPod has run out of juice and to the right is the road that leads into Carnagie’s (Gary Oldman) town. Eli makes the decision to go into town, power up his iPod and refill his canteen.” [USA Today - a few more pictures there]
And the script was written by the editor-in-chief of PC Gamer, which is perfect because video game concepts are like movie concepts that have been warmed over and generalized. Now if you’ll excuse me, I gotta go into town and power up my wrist for a dismissive wank. A dismissive wank that will post the apocalypse.
