While I doubt this has the potential to become Christian Bale screaming OOOH GOOOD FER YOUUUU or David O. Russell calling Lily Tomlin a c*nt, it is still an on-set argument, and as an immature film blogger, I’m doody-bound to cover it. The principals this time were Precious director Lee Daniels and producer Avi Lerner, who, in addition to producing The Expendables, Drive Angry, and the Conan remake, was exec producer on the the dog-playing-piano classic, Cool Dog, named the best movie of all time by Facts magazine. The two were on the set of their new movie The Paperboy, starring Zack Efron and Nicole Kidman, and while the details of the argument are still sketchy, it appears Daniels accused Lerner of being racist against scuba divers.

It’s hard to hear the entire argument, but at one point Avi says to Lee, “You call him a racist. You know you’re racist too. You always pay attention to that.”
It appears Avi threatened to fire Lee, saying, “I don’t want you to leave, but if you don’t apologize to me and you know you should ….” and then the audio is impossible to understand.
And it seems much of the argument involves money. At the end, Lee taunts Avi, saying, “Need some money, need some money?” Avi says, “We paid the scuba divers a lot.  Shame on you.” It appears from the conversation … the movie is way over the paltry $15 million budget. [TMZ]

One of my favorite things is walking by a couple having a huge argument and having to piece together what it was all about based on one or two out-of-context quotes. If I had walked by this one and all I heard was “We paid the scuba divers a lot. Shame on you,” I think my head would’ve exploded from the possibilities.

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Well sure we paraded around this crazy Dane with "F*CK" written on his knuckles, but we never expected him to say something offensive!

You can read the full quote of what Lars Von Trier said at Cannes the other day in the bottom half of this post, but I think any sane person would agree that it was pretty obvious that he was joking.  But it seems that it’s getting harder and harder for people nowadays to differentiate between an off-color joke and actual discrimination. And so to avoid having any rational discussion that might challenge the PC status quo, the faceless Cannes Film Festival board of directos ran away from Lars Von Trier like a bunch of spineless, intellectually cowardly pussies and declared him “persona non-grata.”  They acted, to borrow an overused cliché, like Frenchmen.

His dark sense of humor was clearly lost on Cannes’ board of directors, who, despite a swift apology from the director, held a meeting today and voted to blacklist von Trier from the festival. In a statement they said, “The board of directors profoundly regrets that this forum has been used by Lars von Trier to express comments that are unacceptable, intolerable, and contrary to the ideals of humanity and generosity that preside over the very existence of the festival. The Board of Directors firmly condemns these comments and declares Lars von Trier a persona non grata at the Festival de Cannes, with effect immediately.” [Popeater]

It is still unclear what Cannes ban, the first applied to a director in living memory, will mean for Von Trier. The director said he would not be allowed “within 100 meters” of the Festival Palais and red carpet, meaning he will not attend the Cannes awards ceremony on Sunday, but was not certain if his films would also be banned.

“It’s a pity because (Jewish festival head) Gilles Jacob is a close personal friend of mine,” Von Trier said. “What I said was completely stupid but I am absolutely no Mel Gibson … What I meant was I could imagine what it was like for Hitler in the bunker, making plans. Not that I would do what Hitler did. But it’s a pity if it means I will lose contact with Cannes.”
Von Trier pointed to his own background – his stepfather is Jewish and he grew up thinking he had Jewish roots – to indicate how ridiculous it would be to call him an anti-Semite. [THR]

These A-holes love to hide behind supposed “ideals” as if they actually believe in them, when clearly it’s just fashion.  They would never take the time to actually try to understand something someone said, because whether it was actually offensive or not is beside the point: it might make them look bad. That’s what matters.  They would make great Nazis.  And speaking of Mel Gibson, he got a standing ovation over there the other day.  If only Von Trier had been banned from an American film festival, or been convicted of rape here, then he could go back over there like a conquering hero (and yes, OF COURSE they kiss Roman Polanski’s ass every chance they get).  Sorry for my lack of an arch, humorous take on this, but in terms of fulfilling negative stereotypes, this is the French equivalent of Flava Flav’s fried chicken restaurant.

Earlier today, I told you about Lars Von Trier’s now-infamous “I’m a Nazi” declaration at the Cannes press conference for his film, Melancholia.  That naturally put outraged queef bubbles in all the girls’ panties, and Von Trier has since been forced to issue an apology, because you know how girls are when you get them going. (*makes “yap yap yap” symbol with hand*)

PREVIOUS, 9:05 AM: The Cannes Film Festival has just issued a press release saying it was disturbed by von Trier’s comments and asked for an explanation from the Danish director, who it said has apologized.
The Festival de Cannes was disturbed about the statements made by Lars von Trier in his press conference this morning in Cannes. Therefore the Festival asked him to provide an explanation for his comments.
The director states that he let himself be egged on by a provocation. He presents his apology.
The direction of the Festival acknowledges this and is passing on Lars von Trier’s apology. The Festival is adamant that it would never allow the event to become the forum for such pronouncements on such subjects.

Director Lars von Trier: “If I have hurt someone this morning by the words I said at the press conference, I sincerely apologize. I am not anti-semitic or racially prejudiced in any way, nor am I a Nazi.” [Deadline]

I always appreciate it when a guy apologizes if you were offended without acknowledging saying anything offensive.  It’s only fair.  Despite what people would have you believe, being offended in and of itself does not make you right.  Nonetheless, I’m sure the Anti-Defamation League will still try to spin this into some kind of donation drive, you know how those Jews are.  Oh crap, did I type that?  Sorry, it’s just that I’ve been drinking like an Indian lately, and now here I am, drunker than an Irish Mick, spouting off like a black guy at a horror movie.  I’ve really gone off the reservation.  Anyway, I’m sorry if you all failed to see humor in deliberate offensiveness, but lighten up, Ayatollah, this isn’t a mosque.  Jeez, look at you, angrier than a guinea on bath day.

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Punk rockers like Sid Vicious have been wearing Nazi stuff for shock value since the 70s, but no one seems to remember that, at least if the degree of solemnity with which everyone wrote up the story about Danish filmmaker Lars Von Trier declaring himself a Nazi at Cannes is any indication.  The incident in question took place during the Melancholia press conference, which you can watch here, if you don’t mind sitting through a boring, 40-minute movie press conference.  My stars, you don’t think the guy who films talking foxes, sex scenes between retarded people, and genital mutilation was being deliberately provocative, do you?  Goodness, we should hold a tolerance rally.  Here’s Ebert’s account of the event:

Von Trier’s detour began when he was asked about his use of German romantic music in his score. In the film “Melancholia,” Kirsten Dunst plays a bride who is supposed to be happy on her wedding day, but her depression makes her unravel and unable to keep up her happy face. While this is taking place, the planet Melancholia is hurtling toward the earth, rendering life pointless. As the character says, life is pointless and the earth is evil, we don’t need to grieve for it. Von Trier speculated that he had gone overboard in his use of Wagner, then said he had an interest in Nazi things.
He said he grew up thinking he was a Jew, and he was very happy to be a Jew. Then he discovered he was a Nazi, and that also gave him some pleasure. “Yes, I am a Nazi!”, he declared.
While his cast (Charlotte Gainsbourg, Udo Kier and John Hurt) looked on in horror, Kirsten Dunst tapped him on the shoulder and whispered to him to moderate his comments. He looked at her in confusion and said, “But this has a point, it will be okay.”
Then he proceeded to dig himself in deeper, saying that he understood Hitler, and that he could sympathize with his being down in that bunker toward the end. He continued, “Well that doesn’t mean I have anything against Jews, except Susanne Bier (Danish filmmaker, “In a Better World”).
“Well, Israel is a pain in the ass …
“Okay, I am a Nazi…
“Nazis tend to do things on a grander scale…
“Perhaps we can have a Final Solution for journalists….”
With that moderator Henri Behar called a halt to the conference because it was clear at that point that Von Trier just could not stop himself.
It is widely known that Von Trier suffers from bouts of depression, and “Melancholia” obviously reflected his state of mind. Ironically, before the declaration about Hitler and Nazism, Von Trier looked happier and more relaxed than he had at any of his previous press conferences at Cannes.

It seems that perhaps the director of Antichrist was just playing… (*sunglasses*) …Devil’s advocate. (*YEAAAAAAAH…*) (*fox bites off penis*).

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Here you can see the two versions of the Couples Retreat poster (click to enlarge), the UK version on the left, the US version on the right.  Notice anything different?  Oops, where’s my black people!  Naturally, some folks are calling racism.  The studio, meanwhile, has a perfectly logical explanation:

The studio said it regretted causing offence and has abandoned plans to use the revised poster in other countries… A Universal spokesman said the revised advert aimed ‘to simplify the poster to actors who are most recognisable in international markets’. [via DailyMail]

What, Faizon Love isn’t a bankable star? …Okay, yeah, I guess that sounds sorta plausible.  Still, no word on why they felt the need to add in all those clouds and palm trees in the background.  Oh I’m sorry, was the mountain too uppity for you?  Either way, you have to admit both posters are an improvement over the original tagline, “It may be paradise… But it’s no vacation… Because there are black people here.”