Magic Mike, made out of, of course, Mike & Ikes. [via NextMovie|

MORNING LINKS
Review: The Last Stand is the St. Anger of Schwarzenegger movies |Film Drunk|

Jodi Foster goes full Aaron Sorkin at the Golden Globes |Frotcast|

Are you ready for the Harbowl...the Harbaughl...the Super Baughl? F*ck it, I'm sick of it all ready. [via Bleacher Report]

‘SNL’ Recap: Jennifer Lawrence And The Lumineers |Warming Glow|

Dave Grohl Jammed With Nirvana, Queens Of The Stone Age, Fleetwood Mac, Creedence Clearwater Revival Members |UPROXX|

The Best Questions And Most Ryan Lochte Responses From Ryan Lochte’s #AskLochte |With Leather|

10 RPGs To Look Forward To In 2013 |Gamma Squad|

Jerry Seinfeld’s Wife Loves Wale As Much As Wale Loves Jerry Seinfeld |Smoking Section|

The Ultimate Jim Harbaugh Meltdown |Kissing Suzy Kolber|

I like girls because squishy |theChive|

The 12 Hottest Fictional Presidents |Buzzfeed|

Tiger Woods ‘Re-Proposed’ To Elin Nordegren, More Importantly, These Bikini Photos |The Superficial|

Uh, Let’s Listen To Bukowski Talk About His Worst Hangover |Videogum|

10 Amazing Coffee Facts to Perk You Up |Mental Floss|

New Schwarzenegger DVD Commentary |Holy Taco|

iPhone Apps for the Socially Awkward |College Humor|

7 Horrific Visions of A Nuclear Apocalypse In Movies |Screen Junkies|

George Clooney May Have Had Cosmetic Surgery On His Balls |IDLYITW|

5 Prodigiously Talented Actors I Wish I Knew Nothing About |Pajiba|

Bench Press Fail |Clip Nation|

Katy Perry wears the old Stars and Boobs at kids’ Inaugural concert |Fark|

Jessica Chastain Vs. Jennifer Lawrence |Film.com|

Fresh Prints From Bel-Air |High Definite|

Today in Very Sad News About Scotch |Brobible|

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WE HAVE DISCOVERED AN ANCIENT CACHE OF SEVENTIES SOFTCORE PORN PHOTOS TAKEN BY A VAN DRIVER. TODAY IS A GREAT DAY.

For today’s Friday Free for All, our regularly-scheduled, non-movie-related digression, an effusive thanks goes out to UptownAlmanac for their recent, incredible investigative work on one of our favorite topics, Rape Vans. They recently discovered in San Francisco the above van, which fits our definition of “Rape Van” on so many levels that I don’t even know where to begin (windowless, covered in rust, parked on the street…).  But here’s where it gets A THOUSAND TIMES BETTER. This Rape Van driver has a website.  And this Rape Van driver looks like this:

I. Want. To be married in that vest.  I want to be BURIED in that vest. Or stuffed in it and paraded before future generations as a symbol of pride.  But I don’t even have TIME to discuss how awesome Larry Jamison’s outfit is, because this story too quickly gets EVEN BETTER. Did I mention Larry Jamison’s website is dedicated to his photography?  Did I mention that Larry Jamison’s website has a section called “Boudoir”?  Is there ANY word in the English language more rapey-sounding than BOUDOIR?  But I’m getting ahead of myself.  These pictures… they simply must be seen.  (*crosses self, says 10 Hail Maries, thanks Gods for whatever I did to deserve this*)

Read the rest of this entry »

The short version of this story is that I paid Eternal Sunshine/Green Hornet director Michel Gondry to draw me a tranny. AND DRAW ME A TRANNY HE DID.

The slightly more detailed version is that back in April, Gondry was offering a promotion through his website, where for $19.95 plus shipping, he would draw your portrait based on a picture provided via email.  So like any rational person would, I paid him the 20 bucks and sent in this picture I found of a naked she-male with a bottle of Hennessy in his butt (only I sent the uncensored version). Then today I received this fetching water color, hand signed by the artist himself.  And you can tell it’s an authentic original, because there’s even paint on the reverse side.  I’m a little sad that Gondry didn’t paint the tranny penis, but I can hardly argue with someone who so beautifully captures the essence of his subject.

According to his website, kooky Eternal Sunshine and the

Michel will personally sketch and sign your portrait based off of the photo that you submit via email. This personalized collectible can also be incorporated onto any item sold through this website. Please allow 6-8 weeks for delivery. [MichelGondry.com]

I’ve already emailed him my picture (he got the uncensored version).  In 6-8 weeks, this is going to be awesome. (*hums theme to Titanic*)

[thanks to Ufford and this dude for the tips]