Look, I promised you Gandalf on a unicycle playing the bagpipes, and here it is, Gandalf, playing the bagpipes and riding a unicycle. Don’t ever change, Portland, don’t ever change.
In what may be the cutest acronym since Al Bundy chartered “No Ma’am”, Bloodsuckers Against Twilight (B.A.T.) and its “real vampires,” staged a pre-Halloween rally and book burning targeting Stephenie Meyers and her sparkling white virgins. In a related Halloween story, all over the country, thousands of black cats crossed Twilight fans’ paths (on the way to the couch).
One protestor, Baron Von Goolo, had this to say about the event; “We’re taking a stand against the racial stereotyping of Stephanie Myers and her horribly written Twilight books. We vampires are supposed to be blood soaked monsters of midnight and shouldn’t look like somebody who’s getting ready to open for the Cure.”
…Says the guy sporting fake contacts, dyed black hair, and white face paint. Haha, good story, Baron Von Goolo. Sidenote: is my latte almost ready?
