With news that the 4th and 5th Matrix films will not happen, Laurence Fishburne has some extra time on his hands, and back in August he chose to spend it hiring a private investigator to follow his daughter around. Montana Fishburne is currently facing criminal assault charges, but she took advantage of her daddy’s concern in the most beneficial way imaginable – she staged a suicide attempt.

Knowing that her dad’s P.I. was filming her, Montana pretended to drink a glass of bleach in a “failed” suicide attempt. Her attorney, Shawn Chapman Holley, thought the attempt was real and used the video to convince the prosecutor to agree to a sentence of rehab and no jail. The prosecutor agreed and Montana went on to get the help that she so desperately needed.

Haha, just kidding everyone!

The tape has become relevant in the ongoing criminal assault case against Montana because her lawyer, Shawn Chapman Holley, had sent the tape to the prosecutor to demonstrate her client’s troubled mental state and help get a plea deal that involved rehab, not jail time. The prosecutor agreed to the deal, but has since disavowed it and wants her to do jail time. (Via TMZ)

Hopefully the judge and prosecutor will agree to stick with the rehab sentence so we’re not deprived of Montana putting things in her precious monkey fufu. As for the bleach, it would have only been the 9th most disgusting substance Montana has ingested in 2011.

I know some of you might be wondering why I’m covering porn and not non-porn entertainment right now, but you know what they say about AIDS stories — if it bleeds, it leads.  Turns out the performer who tested positive for HIV a while back has gone public, and now he’s calling for condom use to be mandatory in adult film.  Oh sure, easy for you to say, Rockefeller, next you’ll be telling me to always use brand new heroin needles.

Derrick Burts, 24, said he tested HIV-positive in October at the Adult Industry Medical Healthcare Foundation in Sherman Oaks after working in both gay and straight porn films for a few months. He had previously been identified only as Patient Zeta.

Screen name: Patient Zeta-Jones.

Burts, who performed in straight films as “Cameron Reid” and gay films as “Derek Chambers,” said he was tested at the clinic Oct. 8, then received a panicked call from clinic staff the following afternoon, summoning him to the office.

When he got there, he said, clinic staff told him that he had tested HIV-positive. They wanted to perform a follow-up test and begin notifying performers he had worked with since his last negative test result Sept. 3. Those performers would be placed on a quarantine list while they were tested. The clinic has since said that none of the performers on its quarantine list tested positive. Burts confirmed that his girlfriend [also in porn] tested negative.

He said that when he returned to the clinic Oct. 23 to review the second test results, clinic staff told him that they had traced his HIV infection to someone he had performed a scene with whom they described to him as a “known positive.”

Was it Danny Masterson?  I bet it was Danny Masterson.

Read the rest of this entry »

My “washed-up old porn star” Google alert — which I generally use for pleasure, not business — pinged this morning, and to my surprise, it was a movie story.  It said Anchor Bay has acquired the distribution rights to Meet Monica Velour, a film from first-time director Keith Bearden which played to positive reviews at the Seattle and Tribeca film festivals, and stars Kim Cattrall as a washed-up old porn star.  It’s quite a departure from her usual role as a washed-up old slut.  It also stars Brian Dennehy, whom I’m told loves sluts.

When a young man [Dustin Ingram] sets out to find his favorite 80s porn star [Cattrall], instead of a fantasy sexpot he  finds a 49-year old mom trailer park [sic?] and complicates her difficult life by trying to get close to her. The role is far less glamorous than Cattrall’s Sex and the City turns and her performance was lauded for the actress’ lack of vanity. The deal was made by Anchor Bay’s exec veep of acquisitions Kevin Kasha and prexy Bill Clark. [Deadline]

Dressing down for a role is just what you have to do if you want to win some of those fancy actin’ awards.  Marky Mark’s prosthetic dong in Boogie Nights made him a star.  If it doesn’t already, this movie should add in a shot of Kim Cattrall in a big old droopy prosthetic meat purse, with the latex beef curtains just dragging along the floor collecting dust like her old uterus.  I think that’d be classy.  Side note: I need to get me a prop master for all these awesome ideas I’m always having.

UPDATE: Within seconds of me clicking ‘publish’, they set the video to private. Until someone else gets a new copy up, there’s not much I can do about it. That’s awesome guys, thanks for that.

The life of a porn star is bizarre and (sometimes) fascinating for the rest of us, who only take it up the ass at our jobs figuratively.  That’s the idea behind the new documentary Exxxit: Life After Porn, which takes a look at pornstars’ lives after the bright lights go off and the fluffers go home.  It features appearances by Asia Carerra, Nina Hartley, Mary Carey, Houston, Crissy Moran, Randy West, Richard Pacheco, John Leslie, Amber Lynn, Seka, Raylene, Luke Ford, Bill Margold, Shelley Lubben, and Sunset Thomas, and ironically will be released on the same day as Vivid’s latest, Exxxit: In Through the Out Door Six Times, starring Cam Gigandet.  Okay, I was joking about that last part.  It premieres tomorrow at the Dances With Films festival in West Hollywood.  Key quote:

“What’re you gonna do 10 years from now when your kid brings home a magazine and you’re laying in the middle of it with a candle shoved up your ass?  You gonna tell ‘em you were playing the part of a birthday cake?  It doesn’t. Go. Away.”

Uh oh.  This looks an awful lot like a cautionary tale.  “Scared Clothed,” call it.  I guess what I’m trying to say is that this is a dangerous film and should be banned.  It’s like I always tell the strippers, I’m sorry your parents never loved you, but wouldn’t it make you feel better to have a dollar bill in your vagina?  See, who’s worthless now.

By the way, this is what Seka looks like these days.  If you’ll excuse me, I need to go make myself a vodka and percocet smoothie.  Mmm, tranquilicious.

[via Collider]

Four days ago, adult film actor Stephen Clancy Hill went sword crazy at a porn company (isn’t that a Carly Simon album?) in an attack that left one dead and two wounded.  Yesterday, following a 9-hour standoff, Hill went Thelma and Louise off a cliff and wound up in that big, interracial gangbang in the sky.

Hill [stage name: Steven Driver] plunged to his death Saturday after SWAT officers trapped him on a hillside cliff overlooking the San Fernando Valley.  Price said officers believe Hill [who starred in "10 Man C*m Slam", among other films] jumped rather than fell after they tried to take him into custody following a nine-hour standoff. Police said the actor, armed with the sword he used in the June 1 attack, had repeatedly threatened suicide. [It looks to me like they shot him with a taser and he fell off -Ed.]

News video shows Hill, still holding the sword, tumbling off the cliff after sliding to its edge from a seated position. Several officers had moved to almost within reach of him. Earlier, police said he went over the cliff after a “less than lethal munition” was fired at him. They haven’t said whether the projectile struck him [spoiler alert, it did].

Hill’s death came just four days after he went on a rampage at Ultima DVD’s production facility in the San Fernando Valley. He fatally stabbed one Ultima employee, Herbert Hin Wong, 30, [stage name: Tom Dong] and wounded two others, Christopher Rachal, 36, and Yuri Drell, 28.  Hill, 34, had worked both as an actor and in production for Ultima, a small company that produces niche films featuring fetishes and sexual domination of men [specifically, "brutal femdom cuckolding"]. He had been living on a film set at the production facility but was recently fired and ordered to move out. [Yahoo]

You can watch the raw video of Hill falling to his death after the jump, if you’re sick like that.  And as I sat there in a coffee shop taking another bite of my eggwich, watching a sword-wielding porn star get tazed off a cliff I thought, “Yes, it’s a wonderful time to be alive.”

Read the rest of this entry »