"Ahoy, Fair Lady Fapulet, that is a sick tat. Wouldst thou like to bang?"

The other day, a PR rep for an adult film company contacted me, asking if I’d like the exclusive on some pictures from a “beautiful, adult modernization of Romeo and Juliet,” directed by Lee Roy Meyers. (He’s like the Russ Meyers of full penetration). I figured, hey, why not? This is a classy website, right? So here we are.

Oh, but Lee Roy Meyer’s Romeo and Juliet isn’t just a hot spank flick full of sexy porn stars bumping uglies — it’s also a real-life love story!

In the past, the director has received acclaim for creating movies perfectly geared towards women and couples, with an emphasis on love and high production values.  What the director didn’t count on, was a real life love story playing out behind the scenes between the movie’s stars!
Romeo (Rocco Reed) and Juliet (Chanel Preston) had their first conversation on set and instantly fell in love… then the hot, passionate sex scene in the movie further fueled their desire for one another.  The two are now inseparable.

Aw, it was love at first cum shot! It’s so romantic, I can’t wait to watch these two love birds fill each other’s greasy holes with all manner of depravity. If the police hadn’t taken away that f*ck doll I made out of butter and shotgun shells, I’d hug it right now.

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Jizz-covered sluts everywhere choked out a gag of relief this weekend as the as-yet-unidentified porn performer whose positive HIV test caused voluntary shutdowns on porn shoots across Southern California last week took a follow-up test which came back negative, according to reports. That makes this pretty much the best day ever, as long as the performer doesn’t turn out to be Evan Stone. (I kid, I kid. I wouldn’t wish AIDs on anyone, not even that cheesy, gap-toothed mongoloid).

HIV tests detect antibodies to the virus in a person’s blood. But because they are developed to be especially sensitive, they can sometimes generate a false positive result, according to the World Health Organization. Therefore, positive results must be confirmed by another test method.

That other test method? You guessed it, the if-your-hand-is-bigger-than-your-face test.

The HIV scare came less than one month after the Free Speech Coalition [the adult film industry's main lobbying group -Ed] launched a new online sexual health database aimed at preventing the spread of sexually transmitted diseases among porn actors through mandatory testing. To be listed in the database — a requisite for getting work — porn actors must get tested every 30 days and present a clean bill of health. But critics say routine testing does not prevent STDs from creeping in.

“Testing is not a substitute for condom use, and it never will be,” said Michael Weinstein, president of the AIDS Healthcare Foundation in Los Angeles. “No test can detect HIV from the moment of infection. There will always be a window period,” which might not reflect recent infection.

If only adult performers weren’t having so much sex outside of their porn shoots, we wouldn’t have this problem. Sadly, that sluts make the best porn stars is the industry’s dirty little secret. Tis a paradox.

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Relax, relax, take the gun out of your mouth, I’m only talking about the new porn, the stuff you have to pay for. The free stuff will be fine. Anyway, the AP reports that the porn industry is (voluntarily) cancelling shoots across your mom’s gunt Southern California after an adult performer reportedly tested positive for HIV. Details are still itchy sketchy, with AVN reporting that the positive test has yet to be confirmed.

From The AP:

Free Speech Coalition executive director Diane Duke told The Los Angeles Times on Monday that her group became aware of the HIV case Saturday.
A series of tests were being conducted on the performer to confirm the case before anyone the performer might have spread the illness to will be notified to get tested, Duke told The Associated Press.
Duke declined to release the performer’s name, age or gender, citing the person’s federal right to medical privacy. She also declined to say how her group learned of the case.
The case was found in an out-of-state clinic that doesn’t report to California health officials, said Duke.
If the initial case is confirmed, the group will ask two generations of the person’s sexual partners to get tested, meaning those who had sex with the performer and the sexual partners [of those who had sex with the sexual partners of the performer].
The porn industry was shut down similarly in late 2010, after porn actor Derrick Burts was diagnosed HIV positive.
Burts has since gone on to advocate for the mandatory use of condoms in porn with the AIDS Healthcare Foundation.
Earlier this month, the health advocacy group announced that it will gather 41,138 petition signatures to get the issue of condoms in porn on the June 2012 ballot.
The ballot measure would ask Los Angeles residents whether porn producers must require performers to use condoms on shoots as a condition of getting a filming permit.
“The question remains how many performers must become infected with HIV and other serous STDs before the industry will clean up its act and government will do the right thing?” said Michael Weinstein, president of AIDS Healthcare Foundation. |Yahoo|

If you’ll recall (and I know you will), the last time this happened, the performer claimed he contracted the virus after performing a scene with someone whom clinic officials had described as a “known positive”, on the set of a gay porn, which, according to the LA Times, don’t require performers to show proof of an up-to-date HIV test on the day they’re performing like straight porn (which, if true, sounds like the most insane loophole in the history of loopholes). So to me, saying the current rules don’t work, when all the recent HIV cases in porn that I’ve heard of, happened when someone went outside the current rules, seems unfair. Far be it from me to advocate endangering adult film stars (our nation’s most precious resource), but asking all performers to wear condoms in every shoot is kind of like asking every action movie to only shoot using toy guns. (Because the guns are like penises, you see — that’s Analogies 101). Sure, condoms might (MIGHT) help eliminate the problem, but… AT WHAT COST?!?!?!

This is probably the best press release I’ve ever read.

Sabrina Deep Kicks Off World Bukkake Tour

LOS ANGELES — Gangbang star Sabrina Deep is set to embark on her 2011 World Bukkake tour.

The tour marks the fourth year of the event and kicks off in Dueren, Germany on May 30.

“I have been waiting for this moment with great anticipation. Traveling the world and getting intimate with my fans is an everlasting orgasm and I believe that this year will be the best tour to date,” Deep said.

Nearly two dozen cities around the globe will play host to the tour in coming months including London, Barcelona, Paris, Berlin, Vancouver, Los Angeles, New York and others.

Deep will be joined by fellow star Gina Blonde who is already slated to appear at the Dueren event and plans to make regular appearances on the tour. Deep said if all goes as planned, some other big name stars will also be joining the tour for some special events.

The star has also issued a friendly rematch challenge to adult film star Bree Olson and to the “lady of the lake” of porn Ava Devine.

Deep explained that last November the three adult stars appeared on the “Howard Stern Show” to compete for the title of “World’s Biggest Whore” where Olson was named the winner.

“Bree and Ava are amazing performers and beautiful women. We had a lot of fun in Howard’s studio together, and since we were there to talk about how hot we are to do our fans, I want to invite both Bree and Ava to come to a World Bukkake Tour stop and get a piece of the action sharing the fans with me,” Deep said.

Deep is publicly asking her colleagues to “call her and make it happen.”

The 2011 World Bukkake Tour stops include Dueren, Germany on May 30, Prague on June 4, Paris on June 25, London on June 26 and Oct. 9, Barcelona on July 9,  Phoenix on July 23, New York on July 30 and Oct. 16, Toronto on Aug. 20, 21, Vancouver on Aug. 27, Berlin on Sept. 20, Los Angeles on Oct. 1, Miami on Oct. 8, Dallas on Oct. 14, Manchester, England on Oct. 28, Budapest on Nov. 12 and Rome on Nov. 19. [XBiz via Fark]

Did they make commemorative hats?  I hope they made commemorative hats.

[banner pic via Kitten.cat. Yep, that's a real site.]

With news that the 4th and 5th Matrix films will not happen, Laurence Fishburne has some extra time on his hands, and back in August he chose to spend it hiring a private investigator to follow his daughter around. Montana Fishburne is currently facing criminal assault charges, but she took advantage of her daddy’s concern in the most beneficial way imaginable – she staged a suicide attempt.

Knowing that her dad’s P.I. was filming her, Montana pretended to drink a glass of bleach in a “failed” suicide attempt. Her attorney, Shawn Chapman Holley, thought the attempt was real and used the video to convince the prosecutor to agree to a sentence of rehab and no jail. The prosecutor agreed and Montana went on to get the help that she so desperately needed.

Haha, just kidding everyone!

The tape has become relevant in the ongoing criminal assault case against Montana because her lawyer, Shawn Chapman Holley, had sent the tape to the prosecutor to demonstrate her client’s troubled mental state and help get a plea deal that involved rehab, not jail time. The prosecutor agreed to the deal, but has since disavowed it and wants her to do jail time. (Via TMZ)

Hopefully the judge and prosecutor will agree to stick with the rehab sentence so we’re not deprived of Montana putting things in her precious monkey fufu. As for the bleach, it would have only been the 9th most disgusting substance Montana has ingested in 2011.