"Wherefore art thou, Romeo? Wouldst thou like to cornhole?"

With the way that we’ve talked about the upcoming (*bike horn*) porn version of Romeo and Juliet around here, you’d think that we were getting producer’s credits on the darn thing (I wish!). But we are once again excited to deliver an exclusive on the erotic retelling of the classic William Shakespeare tale, as we have your very first look at the movie’s trailer. (You can also check out the SFW movie stills here.)

Remember, this is the movie that sparked an honest-to-goodness love affair between the film’s two stars, Rocco Reed and Chanel Preston, who even joined Vince and the boys on a recent edition of the Frotcast to discuss how love blooms on the set of an adult film. And if this movie can inspire love between its stars, then just imagine the love that it can inspire between you and your loved one, a Fleshlight, an old gym sock, one of those mini pumpkins with a hole cut in it, or your favorite couch.

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It is with great pleasure that we present to you yet another adult film parody exclusive at FilmDrunk, as Dream Zone Entertainment is bringing the classic TV sitcom “Mork & Mindy” to the computer screen in your bathroom. Starring Chanel Preston, Seth Gamble, Kagney Linn Karter, and Tommy Pistol as the Fonz, Mork & Mindy: A Dream Zone Parody – sadly not titled Pork & Mindy – harkens back to the classic age of TV crossovers and absurd plots. Oh, and I should, of course, point out that Mork is played by FilmDrunk favorite and Vince’s role model… Evan Stone.

Aside from the titular omission, I’d say my only other critique of this film (based only on the trailer, as I expect magic from the 4 girls in blue) is that Mork’s egg should be a sperm. But beyond my professional film criticisms, this parody has inspired me to urge our adult film production companies to create a new genre of 80’s sitcom parodies. In fact, I have a few suggestions…

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Next month, adult film company Digital Playground is releasing Fighters, an “epic blockbuster” MMA-themed romp starring Kayden Kross and FilmDrunk’s favorite screeching hyena, Jesse Jane. According to the film’s press release (NSFW here), Fighters is your standard girls from different walks of life overcoming their own obstacles in a collision course meeting of their fists. And there’s mixed martial arts involved, too.

Jesse Jane® and Kayden Kross are two beautiful, passionate girls, from opposite walks of life that come together in a battle of lust and unyielding wills to fight it out in a stealthy boxing match. Riley Steele™ plays Jesse’s streetwise naughty sister and Stoya is Kayden’s equally privileged best friend. And BiBi Jones™ stars as the new girl in town who sleeps with Jesse’s dad creating even more fighting. The intense physical sparring both in and out of the ring leads to some fierce sexual encounters.

If there’s not a joke in this movie about Channing Tatum’s burnt penis, then I am going to be very disappointed. But while the film sounds like your standard portrayal of popular pugilistic pornography, it turns out that there was a little heat on the set that wasn’t caused by KY Warming Gel.

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(picture unrelated)

Being myself a former adult video editor, the adult film industry is close to my heart, which is why it saddens me to report that an adult performer has tested positive for HIV in Southern California.  Tragically, it appears that it was not Evan Stone.

“Adult Industry Medical Healthcare [in San Fernando Valley] has confirmed that an adult industry performer has tested positive for HIV,” AIM’s clinical administrator Brooke Miller told AVN. “We are currently quarantining and testing all exposed partners and we will have no further information until the end of the week. We are contacting everyone that might have been exposed.”

Patient Zero is a male performer who performed in both straight and gay adult videos. Additionally, we received word that an undetermined number of first and second generation adult performers who may have been exposed have been quarantined at this time. [via AVN - NSFW]

Wicked Pictures and Vivid Entertainment told the Times that they stopped production as a precaution when the positive test was revealed. [AP]

Naturally, this latest development only strengthens the argument of those fascists who would make condoms mandatory for all adult performers.

“That a performer tested positive for HIV today—and that more may be infected—was totally preventable,” AHF President Michael Weinstein said in a statement. “It is also living proof that testing is not adequate protection against HIV/AIDS and other sexually-transmitted diseases among porn performers. How many more people have to be infected with HIV before Los Angeles County steps in to do its job and protect performers’ and the public’s health and AIM stops being a ‘fig leaf’ for the industry?” [AVN]

A fig leaf?  This guy sucks at metaphors. If your goal is to get people to cover their wieners, you probably shouldn’t insult people by comparing them to something that covers your wiener.  Anyway, first condoms, what’s next?  The guys have to tie star of David armbands around their penises? No thanks, Hitler.

A few days ago, I linked an Asylum story about 18-year-old Arizona State freshman geology major* Elizabeth Hawkenson, who had reportedly had her scholarship revoked after appearing in a “casting couch” porno in which she holds up her actual ASU ID card (note: probably not the best idea).  The basis of the story was a letter supposedly sent to the ASU regents by an “anonymous alumnus” who was outraged with Hawkenson’s “degrading sexual activities” and demanded her $33,000 scholarship be revoked.  Today, the Phoenix New Times reports that the Board of Regents says they never received such a letter, Hawkenson is still enrolled and lives in a dorm, and her scholarship has not been revoked. Buzzfeed says the letter may have been a 4-chan hoax.

The format of the casting couch video (it’s linked in the Phoenix New Times story) is that a guy brings a pretty young girl into his office who supposedly thinks she’s just auditioning for a modeling job, at which point the director eventually talks her into having sex on camera.  In case you just fell off the ‘tard bus, none of that is true (but you never know what guys will believe with a boner in their hand).

“The whole thing is scripted,” Hawkenson tells New Times. “I knew going in there it was for sex.”
She says she was paid $2,000 and assured the video would only appear on the part of the Web site people had to pay to see.
That didn’t happen. The video found it’s [sic] way to free porn sites like P0rnhub.com and Hawkenson became (ahem) a star. She says the publicity she’s gotten from the video has “been treacherous for [her].”
She says she found her way to the “casting couch” after she was short on tuition. She’s from out of state, so her tuition is about $30,000 a year. Her scholarship is spread out over four years.
She says she did some fully clothed modeling for Mayflower Models and agents repeatedly asked her to appear in porn.
“I was like ‘no way, I have morals,’” she says.
With the tuition deadline approaching, Hawkenson took them up on the offer.

Now, a couple things.  First, there are two extremely surprising things about this story.

1. A girl who said she was 18 in a porn film was actually 18.

2. A girl in a porno who said she plays in the school band actually plays in the school band.  (She also plays a mean skin flute OH! /Dice).

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