I think we all know a particular Frotcaster who might like this. [via Fck Yeah Dementia]

MORNING LINKS
Daniel Day-Lewis’s initial rejection letter to Spielberg turning down Lincoln |Film Drunk|

Who Will Finish In The Top 10 Of GQ’s ‘Sexiest Women Of The 21st Century’ List? |UPROXX|

1 out of 70 red pandas are House of Pain fans.
[via Humor Train]

At Long Last, The Al Roker ‘I Pooped My Pants’ Remix You Knew Was Coming Is Here |Warming Glow|

Jimmy Goldstein Brought Our Favorite Foreign Side Boob Back To A Lakers Game |With Leather|

Funny, Sexy, And Awesome Cosplay Of The Week |Gamma Squad|

Should Your NFL Franchise Draft Tyrann Mathieu? |Smoking Section|

You Went Too Far This Time, Seahawks Fans |Kissing Suzy Kolber|

Animals are kind of awesome, aren’t they? |theChive|

Is Bradley Cooper Trying To Bring The Middle Part Back?! |Buzzfeed|

Why is January a Cinematic Dumping Ground? |Film.com|

The Weirdest ‘House Rules’ You’ll Ever Read |HuffPost Comedy|

Lindsay Lohan’s Dad Threatens To Sue Her Mom If She Keeps Saying He Raped Her |The Superficial|

Rappers That Should Have Their Own Reality Show |Giant Life|

Ryan Gosling Pointing at People |NextMovie|

12 Proposed U.S. States That Didn’t Make the Cut |Mental Floss|

Duh Aficionado Magazine: Garrett Hedlund Is Not A Writer |Videogum|

10 Sex Tips We Learned From Softcore Porn |College Humor|

Kendall Jenner Is A Poor Thing |IDLYITW|

Nine (Awesome) Music Videos You May Not Have Seen Featuring Famous Actors and Actresses |Unreality|

Funny Or Die Gets Deal To Bring You A Ton Of Movies |Screen Junkies|

The 9 Best Shows To Hate Watch In 2013 |Pajiba|

Invisible Driver Prank |Clip Nation|

Nothing’s Hotter Than Lap Dance From a Stripper Wearing a License |Hypervocal|

The Real Reasons Why Scorpion And Sub Zero Just Can’t Get Along |Smosh|

The 25 douchiest bars in Austin |Fark|

Guy Tracks Down Dude Who Stole His iPhone and Fights Him on Video |Brobible|

The Collective Faces of 007 and Batman |High Definite|

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The bad news for Twilight fans continues today, as scientists have discovered that not only might your cat try to kill you for naming it Renesmee, breathing in its feces has been linked to higher rates of suicide.

(*sigh*) I guess this is goodbye, old friend. (*throws cat-poop jenkum balloon in dumpster*)

Scientists suspect link between cat feces, female suicide
Women infected with a parasite spread by cat feces run a higher risk of attempting suicide, suggests a study of more than 45,000 women in Denmark published in a scientific journal this week.
“We can’t say with certainty that T. gondii caused the women to try to kill themselves,” said Teodor Postolache of the University of Maryland medical school, senior author of the study in the Archives of General Psychiatry.
“But we did find a predictive association between the infection and suicide attempts later in life that warrants additional studies. We plan to continue our research into this possible connection.”
About one in three people in the world are believed to be infected with T. gondii, which has been linked to schizophrenia and behavior changes, but often produces no symptoms as it lurks in brain and muscle cells.
Human run the risk of infection when they clean out their cats’ litter boxes, as well as by consuming unwashed vegetables, undercooked or raw meat, or water from a contaminated source.
“The study found that women infected with T. gondii were one-and-a-half times more likely to attempt suicide compared to those who were not infected, and the risk seemed to rise with increasing levels of the T. gondii antibodies,” a summary of the findings said. [AP]

“Wait, so you only get it from emptying the litter box and eating vegetables? Phew,” said a hoarding Twilight fan, noisily wheezing a sigh of relief.

So the headline here pretty much says it all: Zombie Ass: Toilet of the Dead (also my nickname in high school) has a new poster. I just thought you guys would want to know. I’d like to think the poop-faced toilet man at the bottom left corner was a deliberate visual reference to Nic Cage in Wicker Man.

AAAAUGHHH, NOT THE PEE! IT’S IN MY EYES AUUUUUUGH NOT THE PEE!

[Thanks to Austin, our FilmDrunkard in Japan, for the picture]

Yes, this has a trailer, and you can watch it below. You’ll probably never believe this about a Japanese movie, but it involves schoolgirls.

Read the rest of this entry »

From Hollywood Reporter: 

Billy Campbell has joined Tea Leoni, Ricky Gervais and Greg Kinnear in the romantic comedy "Ghost Town" for DreamWorks and Spyglass Entertainment.

The story centers on a dentist who dies briefly during routine dental surgery and gains the ability to see dead people who ask him for help in contacting the living. Campbell will play the love interest of Leoni’s character, a widow whose deceased husband-turned-ghost (Kinnear) is trying to thwart her imminent marriage.

Holy shit, I’ve never heard a story so unique!  It sounds almost just like The Sixth Sense, Beetlejuice, What Lies Beneath, Ghost, The Eye, and Stir of Echoes… but not!  Who’s directing this?  David Koepp, the guy who wrote Stir of Echoes!  (He also wrote the remake of War of the Worlds, which was… uh… really… uh… good.)

I know what you’re thinking: Lance, Lance, Lance, quit ripping on this, it’s obviously a parody – Ricky Gervais is in it!  Your aura of masculinity makes my panties moist, but you’ve screwed up this time!

Sorry, folks, IMDB calls it a drama.  I call it a turd.