"Sup with the economy, bro?"

Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson is currently out doing publicity, both for his new family movie Journey 2: The Mysterious Island and for his upcoming summer film G.I. Joe: Retaliation. As part of this push, he recently sat down for an interview with Moviefone, which is notable mainly for this passage:

Well you can reciprocate by telling me how you found out about Bin Laden’s demise before anyone else?

If I tell you that, I won’t have to “kill” you, but I’ll have to behead you — no, I got my sources. I got friends in high places and low places. It was a very interesting day; I’m proud of our country and proud to be American. The individuals who were there were proud to let me know. I knew the President was going to give his speech; I thought he was going to give it at a certain time and so I thought, “I think it’s appropriate that I tweet ‘I’m damn proud to be an American’” and keep it in that space without giving away too much information. And then I got a call saying, “Now the President will give his speech in a couple of hours.” So we had about two hours of Rock tweets out there [Laughs].

Between that, and playing Obama on “SNL,” what will it take to get you to move into the political field?

Right now the best way that I can impact the world is through entertainment. One day, and that day will come, I can impact the world through politics. The great news is that I am American, therefore I can become President. But don’t forget: I am G.I. Joe.

Yes. YES. I would vote for The Rock for president so hard that people outside the polling booth would probably call the police. Think about it. Who the hell is going to mess with a country that elected The Rock president? I just Googled Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad’s height (NOTE: I love blogging), and the best guess is anywhere from 5’4″-5’6″. The Rock, on the other hand, is 6’4″ and he is a badass and he works out six times a day and he tags all his tweets with stuff like #bootstoasses and he would be THE BEST PRESIDENT. Point: AMERICA. Hell, the State of the Union Address could just be five minutes of sternly worded threats to his political opponents followed by a screening of Fast Five, and anyone who didn’t like it could COME TO THE OVAL OFFICE AND GET SOME.

Yes, this is a terrific thing that must happen. It’s not like we haven’t elected an actor or professional wrestler to political office before. That door has already been opened by people like Ronald Reagan, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and Jesse Ventura. Now it’s time to kick that mother off its hinges.

Sarah Palin was pissed about missing the hot dog party

Politics is little more than retarded theater these days, so when political candidates discuss their favorite movies, it’s kind of surreal, like hearing Lord of the Rings characters explain who they voted for on Dancing with the Stars. That said, this site was founded on pointless absurdity, so this is perfect.

Here are the presidential candidates (and I purposely use that term loosely, so that we could also include Rick Santorum, Ron Paul, and Newt Gingrich) and their choice of favorite movie, according to the Washington Times. If you’re keeping score at home, it’s now been at least two elections since anyone picked Birth of a Nation. Hey, ignore the politics, that was a landmark in modern cinema!

Herman Cain: The Godfather

Michele Bachmann: Braveheart, “or maybe Saving Private Ryan”

Newt Gingrich: “Probably” Casablanca

Rick Santorum: Field of Dreams

Ron Paul: “I don’t watch many movies”

Gary Johnson:  Dr. Zhivago

Mitt Romney: O Brother, Where Art Thou?

Rick Perry: Immortal Beloved

Barack Obama: Casablanca, The Godfather, Lawrence of Arabia, and One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest

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How my version of the Bin Laden movie would go

As if it weren’t already depressing enough that 15 members of Seal Team 6 were among the 30 soldiers killed in a Chinook crash in Afghanistan last week, now Hurt Locker filmmakers Kathryn Bigelow and Mark Boal’s planned film about the Bin Laden assassination (Killing Bin Laden) is at the center of political fight (which are the gayest fights of all). In one of her typically long-winded columns of questionable import a few weeks ago, NY Times columnist Maureen Dowd (no one named ‘Maureen’ has ever said anything important – FACT) implied that Boal and Bigelow’s film was part of some perfectly-timed, Obama campaign PR push.

The White House is also counting on the Kathryn Bigelow and Mark Boal big-screen version of the killing of Bin Laden to counter Obama’s growing reputation as ineffectual. The Sony film by the Oscar-winning pair who made “The Hurt Locker” will no doubt [KEY PHRASE- Ed.] reflect the president’s cool, gutsy decision against shaky odds. Just as Obamaland was hoping, the movie is scheduled to open on Oct. 12, 2012 — perfectly timed to give a home-stretch boost to a campaign that has grown tougher.
The moviemakers are getting top-level access to the most classified mission in history from an administration that has tried to throw more people in jail for leaking classified information than the Bush administration.
It was clear that the White House had outsourced the job of manning up the president’s image to Hollywood when Boal got welcomed to the upper echelons of the White House and the Pentagon and showed up recently — to the surprise of some military officers — at a C.I.A. ceremony celebrating the hero Seals. [NYTimes]

Naturally, all Republicans heard there was “Obama administration sells out US Patriots to look cool for Hollywood Jew libruls.” Republican congressman (and possible future New York Senatorial candidate) Peter King was the first to call for a CIA investigation into whether the administration leaked classified information to Boal and Bigelow. Which they of course deny:

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Well well well, it turns out North Carolina republican congressional candidate BJ Lawson isn’t the only one guilty of using a fake Morgan Freeman — a Morgan Fauxman, if you will — to endorse his run for office.  Wisconsin republican gubernatorial candidate Scott Walker has been running the ad above with a voice-over from someone who sounds suspicously Morgan Freeman-y.

Curiously, what with such a big name, Walker’s team has not put the ad online, seemingly content to have it run during Green Bay Packer games and the nightly local news. We’re not political strategists, but it would seem that a relatively-unknown Milwaukee county executive candidate like Walker would want to play up this endorsement as much as possible.  Walker’s campaign failed to return numerous calls for comment. Maybe they’ll return the ones from Morgan Freeman’s agent. [TheAwl]

To be fair, using a guy who sounds like Morgan Freeman without claiming that it actually is Morgan Freeman is a lot less shady than the other guy.  Still, I don’t quite understand the strategy.  In Wisconsin, the sound of a black person’s voice is as unfamiliar as a gym membership.  Anyway, I’ve attached a clip of Morgan Freeman reading from “The Poop That Took a Pee” after the jump for comparison.
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If Morgan Freeman ever decided to become a politician, his opponent would be in trouble.  He’s spent his entire career playing God, the president, and other authority figures, and as evidenced by the careers of Ronald Reagan and Arnold Schwarzenegger, we Americans are too dumb to know the difference.  No doubt realizing this, North Carolina republican congressional candidate BJ Lawson had some campaign commercials made using a voiceover that sounded a lot like Freeman.  Lawson had been going around telling people the voice was Freeman’s. Freeman found out about it and publicly denied it, and now Lawson says he was duped by the production company, because that would somehow be better.

“Our campaign was duped,” Lawson said.
Lawson says he signed a contract earlier with MEI Political –a production company that promised to deliver a Morgan Freeman radio commercial.
The ad doesn’t say the narrator is Morgan Freeman, but Lawson says he did.
“When people heard the ad, the question that everyone was asking is that Morgan Freeman and my answer, believing what I was told to be Morgan Freeman was yes, that is Morgan Freeman,” he said.

On Monday morning, when Freeman heard the news, he released a statement.

“These people are lying. I have never recorded any campaign ads for B.J. Lawson and I do not support his candidacy,” said Freeman through his publicist Stan Rosenfield.

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